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You Can't Be Good at Everything You Try
You can't be good at everything you try and it makes me upset. The things that are fun to do the first time I try them I have no talent for and the things I don't like to do I can do really well. For instance I hate running, playing my saxophone, singing, and math, and I love drawing, playing football, basketball, football, and video games... just to name a few. The thing is the stuff I hate to do I can do very well and the stuff I love to do I have no talent for what so ever. I've done 3 years of art classes I've been trying to draw stuff my whole life but I haven't gotten any better and the sad thing is I'm going to college for just that and I have no artistic ability or imagination. The things I can do good I hate doing mostly because they leave me feeling physically terrible, I always get extreme headaches, or my body feels like crap after exercise and it tends to stay. I did a daily workout for 2 years straight hoping I could work through it and feel better in the end but I just don't, I eat healthy as well. I have received some very high awards for playing my saxophone but I don't feel good about it I just feel depressed even more when I do a good job at something I hate. It's not a mental hate either I'm never negative about it when I do it I keep a positive attitude the whole entire time with the hopes that some how what I think will make me feel better but I'm wrong.
So in short what I'm trying to say is I do the things I love can't do them at all I have no talent for them and I feel bad because I know it's not something that can be a major part of my life. Then I do the things I am very good at doing and I feel bad because my body hates it and I just can't seem to shake the feeling that I didn't do a good enough job even though I did terrific and know it, my subconscious mind is attacking the way I think in a way. Add this to the fact that people tend to hate me at first sight and tend to shy away from me for some reason, even on the internet and I know your thinking that right now. It's not that I don't dress nice or that I'm ugly or something, it's just that people hate my personality. I tend to be very very straight forward in all situations and I tend to be very how would you say someone that tries to be everyone's friend without being their friend, and add that to my somewhat to the dark humor my total disregard for other people that I know I'll never meet. Because if I have to confront someone, I'll be nice every single time, but if I can tell people what I really think boy the things I say. Which would explain why I have zero friends. I really don't know what I'm trying to ask I don't know what the hell I need to do, all I know is that there is something wrong with me and I have no idea how to find out. Maybe I'm just being too critical of myself or something I just don't know, maybe I'm just a chronic complainer. Someone tell me what I need to Know because I sure don't know what it is. |
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 Originally Posted by seenbutnotheard
Do you enjoy doing those things? Sometimes, people can get into a rut where they think that they do enjoy doing that. It also sounds like you might be clinically depressed with a possible anxiety disorder. But, that would be something for a physician or other professional outside of this site to determine. Have you ever been examined for the diagnosis of those sort of things? Has someone in your life looked down on you a lot or treated you badly? You know, a huge part of life is about making choices, dealing with the cards with which you have been dealt and weighing the cost and benefit concerning the choices that you make. Please realize that water seeks its own level, it's a basic law of physics. It's the same way with people. You are going to attract those who are like yourself. There is truth to the old saying that "misery loves company." You can turn your "scars into stars!" But, that is a choice that you make. Most of the things really worth doing that will be the most fulfilling in life, are going to take a lot of effort. It's not just practice that makes perfect, but perfect practice that makes perfect! It sounds like you are probably quite a talented person who is also a perfectionist. A perfectionist so much so, that you think that you might be able to read the minds of people before they have ever met you. It also sounds like you might have a lot in common with those of us on this site who have more of an artistic bent to them. I would particularly like to hear about your artistic pursuits in drawing and also music. The kind of teachers that you have had for certain things can really make a difference as to how much you will like doing those activities, especially in the visual or musical arts. Some of your problems might be related to your age and what you are going through because of your age. As such, it would help us to help you the best if you would let us know how old you are. I know that you mention about going to college, but that doesn't really tell us about your age. What you are talented at and really don't enjoy doing, is a mystery to me. As such, I think that warrants some further discussion here... That's enough from me for right now. Hopefully, others will be along to also address your post. |
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You are a whiner and a complainer... people avoid negative types. :)
I think you need a life coach to help you with your social skills. Also, you are piling on problems and negativity instead of taking your life one problem at a time, one day at a time. Life is not easy, you have to prepare yourself for it. Best wishes, |
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Yes but that's the problem, strangely I hate the fact that I'm good at what I'm good at and I'm having a hard time figuring out why. It's almost as if my mind is against itself and I'm just sitting here taking the damage.
Choux I do agree that I do whine and complain, but I never tell anyone I complain and whine to myself but if you met me and hanged out with me for awhile you wind say that I never whine and complain and I always do everything without fuss. Just because I hate doing it doesn't mean I don't. The reason I came here is because I get very annoyed with complaining about things to myself. |
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Originally Posted by Clough
It also sounds like you might be clinically depressed with a possible anxiety disorder. But, that would be something for a physician or other professional outside of this site to determine. Have you ever been examined for the diagnosis of those sort of things? Has someone in your life looked down on you a lot or treated you badly?
You know, a huge part of life is about making choices, dealing with the cards with which you have been dealt and weighing the cost and benefit concerning the choices that you make.
Please realize that water seeks its own level, it's a basic law of physics. It's the same way with people. You are going to attract those who are like yourself. There is truth to the old saying that "misery loves company." You can turn your "scars into stars!" But, that is a choice that you make. Most of the things really worth doing that will be the most fulfilling in life, are going to take a lot of effort. It's not just practice that makes perfect, but perfect practice that makes perfect! It sounds like you are probably quite a talented person who is also a perfectionist. A perfectionist so much so, that you think that you might be able to read the minds of people before they have ever met you. It also sounds like you might have a lot in common with those of us on this site who have more of an artistic bent to them. I would particularly like to hear about your artistic pursuits in drawing and also music. The kind of teachers that you have had for certain things can really make a difference as to how much you will like doing those activities, especially in the visual or musical arts. Some of your problems might be related to your age and what you are going through because of your age. As such, it would help us to help you the best if you would let us know how old you are. I know that you mention about going to college, but that doesn't really tell us about your age. What you are talented at and really don't enjoy doing, is a mystery to me. As such, I think that warrants some further discussion here... That's enough from me for right now. Hopefully, others will be along to also address your post. I live in the middle of nowhere. You did write a very good response though and I thank you. |
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Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post, seenbutnotheard! It is much appreciated!
Now, I would appreciate it if you would share more of what you feel and think about art and music, please? Also separately, what you feel and think about your involvement in those sort of things? A lot of times, in order to figure out what is going on with a person, we need to go slowly and discuss things one thing at a time in order to uncover and discover solutions to problems that a person would like to have help with solving. |
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It does sound like you need a life coach or counselor to help you sort things out. You don't have to be on medication. You can tell the counselor up front that meds are not an option. Trained professionals can help you get past these issues, so you can live a more satisfying life. You wouldn't try surgery on yourself, right?
There is no shame in asking for help and deciding what you want to do with your life before you spend all that money on a college degree you may not want or will use. |
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Of course you should care about being happy!
As for enjoying the things you're "not good" at while hating the things you do well in, maybe it's just the expectations you're putting on yourself. If you're working hard at something and expecting yourself to be a high achiever, maybe you're just feeling too pressured. You could just be too concerned with the result to enjoy the process. Do you think that this is possible? And you've said that you feel people don't like you? Are you sure that they don't? What are you basing this on? Do you give people a chance? Do you give them time to get to know you? You mentioned that you feel you're too blunt with people. Well, I don't want to tell you to be dishonest, but maybe to HOLD BACK on some of the negative honesty (and even some of the positives, anything that might make people uncomfortable) until you get to know people. Once people begin to be comfortable around each other, they can tell each other a lot of things, but to meet someone and have them be opinionated or blunt, it often looks like rudeness. Another tip is to just think positive. You seem focused on the negatives in your life, and this could be holding you back from creating a whole range of positive experiences. I know it sounds silly to just say "think happy thoughts", but if you can make yourself smile at things, it'll help you to genuinely enjoy them. It might also give you a chance to try to observe the others around you. You seem quite wrapped up in yourself at the moment, which will make it difficult to relate to others. If you seem interested in other people, they'll be interested in you. It's harder than it sounds, but you're going to have to try to care. All the best, Kal |
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Originally Posted by seenbutnotheard
So, seenbutnotheard, are you just going to give up now? I hope not... Please do continue to share with us here. We really do care! :) |
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So today I had an epiphany, and my conclusions where of a troubling nature. You see the other day someone commented on how I seem to act like I am better than everyone else. I was little hasty to think that what he said was rather absurd. Upon a second gander I realized that I do in fact, while I don't think I'm necessarily better than everyone else, believe I am more enlightened than most. In my short while on this earth I have grown to hate mankind and everything we do and stand for. I hate the small social habits everyone engages in, the way people get angry.
I can't seem to understand how some people can let an unfortunate event shape the way they behave for the rest of the day. I hate how other people eat it up and grow envious that someone could be so outspoken about a simple event that should have been forgotten. I hate the malapropisms that are thrown around everywhere you go, the stupid concoctions of a few people whom everyone adores for absolutely no reason. I just hate people in general. On the flip side I often wonder why I can't seem to get any friends, why people don't seem to envy me for the way I am so disconnected. People despise me for my lack of ambition to mingle into the social norms, to conform to the way they do things. So far the only thing people ask me to do for them is their homework, and I let them use me for a fee. I buy friends with homework, I ask for a good time so I can later tell other people about them so they will find me interesting. I then noticed maybe they shouldn't be jealous of me, maybe I should be jealous of them. I grow annoyed with my inability to become angry, to love, to think of someone other than myself. I just can't find any logic in acting those ways, and so I turn to material comforts. I can't even hang out with a girl without thinking about sex. I can't hang out with friends without thinking about something to do. I used cannabis to help find myself, I've gotten drunk just for the purpose of being someone. Cannabis just makes being by myself more fun and getting drunk just makes me sick, and I don't even like the taste of alcohol. I do how ever find myself to be more socialable while under the influence. Because of this I have never in my life known or learned the things that I need to function in this society. I will never know the feelings of love and friendship. It is a good thing I cannot express in a physical way, the way I feel. I probably would have killed a lot of people and/or myself. I have manifested myself into a monster, I am already who I have longed to be and I don't like it. For these reasons, I have done irreparable damage to myself, so that is why I have given up. Don't worry I won't kill myself, I can't. I don't understand why the hell you should care anyway except to make yourself feel better, but that's me talking and that's probably the reason I would. |
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Well, I care simply because I care! That's part of the nature of me. I enjoy doing that whether I receive some kind of "reward" or not from the person whom I am trying to help. My reward though, ultimately, is that I have helped someone to realize their own worth as a person and to enjoy living their life to its fullest! And, if someone is helped to be successful with how they feel or the way that they are, that is reward enough for me. There are also many other people on this site who truly care about others the same way that I do!
You are now sounding definitely despondent in your thoughts and attitude. As such, I am now going to ask some others to come on this thread who might be able to give you advice. If you are using mind-altering substances of any kind, they are definitely going to be clouding your thinking, even more so because you are obviously depressed! Please never say "never." None of us ever really knows how things are going to be until we try. For some things, we just need to hang them up and move on. For others, maybe trying to make things successful just will take a different approach. You can turn your "scars into stars" in your life! However, the most important point to that is that it has to start with you! It's a matter of choice that you, or for that matter, anyone makes in their life concerning that. Others will be along to address what you have posted on this thread... |
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Of course we care. I might never have met you, but you, like me, have come here and expressed yourself as a real person, asking for help. Whether I understand where you're coming from, and although I don't know you personally, I care about your wellbeing. Don't ever doubt that.
It sounds like you've been taking a lot of time to think about yourself. Your opinions seem to be changing, maybe they're becoming more accurate, or maybe you're just becoming more self-critical. Whichever it is, you should try to understand it, but not let it rule your life. It's much too early to give up. How old are you? You can hardly be of an age where giving into despair seems necessary. You've got your whole life ahead of you. So many things you haven't done yet. You need to get your life back on track so that you can do them! Right now you're being overwhelmed by self-doubt. You don't need to. You're obviously a clever kid, and you're very articulate. You're about to go to college, and your entire life will change. You'll be surrounded by people from all walks of life, with open minds and a thirst for knowledge and experiences. Give it a chance and you'll love it. Find someone to talk to. Someone in your family perhaps. A counselor iff you think you'd be comfortable with that. Or even just keep coming here. We're all prepared to listen to anything you say. Any thought, no matter how dark and dismal. Just promise us that you'll let yourself be OK. Kal |
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I've been thinking about OP's last post most of the day trying to think of something poignant that might make him/her feel differently. It has come to my attention that I and the OP have things in common.
I dislike people in general. Here comes the confusing part - I like individuals. It's people en masse that really get on my nerves. The oblivious cell phone talker, the idiots who can't even name the vice-president of the US, corrupt clergy, the folks that think popping a pill cures every ill... I could go on for hours. I think part of the problem is that you have bought into some of the propaganda that society and the schools push that you have to be like everyone else. They believe we should all be happy and mindless and go from task to task without questioning. I believe that if Mozart was born today he would have been on so many ADHD drugs he would not have been able to compose a note. Poe wasn't a happy fellow, but if he had been "normal" would he have written what he did? Both of these gentlemen met their fate way too early in life, so they serve as dual symbols - 1. Genius doesn't always come from normal people and 2. Getting too absorbed in yourself can cause your lifespan to be shortened prematurely. Once you get to college you will find more people that share your outlook on things. Keep exploring your interests. Perhaps you can find something to think about other than yourself. Besides, it doesn't matter if you are the best at doing a particular interest. I am an adult Irish Dancer. I will most likely never make a 1st place in competition, but I don't really care. I do it because I like it and I want to do it. If nobody else likes it - that is their problem. I could keep rambling, but that is about all I have to share. Thanks for introducing me to the word "malapropism." It drives me crazy, too, but didn't know the word for it. |
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Hello dear. I need to let you know that I can relate to a lot of what you say and feel, and in my 57 years of life so far - with cancer eating at me and trying to end my life within this year - I too have always felt different.
As a child, I was very good at the piano, but hated it because it was something my mom made me learn since there was a piano in the home we moved into at the military base in Japan. What I really wanted to play was the guitar - and had one but was lousy at it. I've tried my hand at painting, and did a few good ones, but after mastering this art - I got bored and needed to see if I could find something else to challenge me. I also love comedy and was mostly considered the 'class clown' due to the mere fact that I thought it was better to be considered a joker than a person who sees life as it really is and to force others to see how crappy it can be, how we have always somehow been manipulated - and I was just not willing to get involved in conversations with people who wear blinders. So, I kept my thoughts on this pretty much to myself. When I did make predictions on politics or finance or public events - people thought I was nuts, but soon they realized that my predictions became actuality. So, after a while I gave up on those 'idiots' that just would not see life for what it really is. I also turned to alcohol to deaden the pain of spouse abuse and also the pain of a reality that can be so cruel and sometimes thought what the heck are people acting happy for and having children in a world that, in my opinion at the time, was not worth living on - since the human being is the most destructive thing alive on it. Even though I hold all this negativeness within me, I also try and balance it out for my self-preservation and am pretty successful at it most of the time. I have a wonderful daughter and grandson who I love deeply and will miss when I go, but at the same time, I feel so sorry for those who are forced to continue living in a world that I consider not good for them at all - that for some reason the future is too bleak which hurts me and makes me very angry. I don't accept compliments very well because I somehow don't think I deserve them - but at the same time I expect more from myself and take for granted that what I try I will succeed at - no matter what. I at first thought that this was due to having to prove things to those who did not feel me worthy - but now realize that I am the driving force in the pressure put on me to achieve all the time. Yes, we are part of a species that I also hate most of the time - we treat our own kind worse than we treat animals at times. I also don't believe we deserve to be here... but we are - that's cold hard fact.. and what we do while here is important. So, you see, you are not that unique after all - I am positive there are millions on this earth who would be considered 'emotionally cold' by those who don't really know us and how we tick. I've consoled myself to who I am, accept that I think differently than most 'social standards' expect us to, but I also feel that I (and you) have just as much right to be on this earth as anyone else does. Now, to a positive issue - I absolutely love sax music and most sax players I know are considered 'excentric' (sp)- and I believe this is due more to envy of not being as talented as these wonderful musicians. Kenny G. and Candy Dulfer are my top two favorites - and there is just soooo much one can do with a sax to express every emotion under the sun. I appreciate the talent of anyone that can express themselves other than with words. So, my dear, I will never, ever conform to the socially accepted standards - I am who I am and accept it and I won't let anyone take that away from me. And now that I know my time on earth is short - I don't mince words worrying about hurting feelings - I say it like it is or avoid the subject altogether by my choice. I hope that I made some sense to you here (I probably confused a few others) but I needed to let you know that it's absolutely OK to be different and not always satisfied with oneself or others. As long as you know who you are, what you are capable of - just don't be too critical when you look in the mirror and let yourself go once in a while. At least you know that you don't have to lie to yourself or others to be 'accepted' because this is not important to you.. so what -it's not important to me either, and I don't lie just to please.. PERIOD. In all my life, I can almost count the hours (not even years) of happiness experienced so far using my two hands - but it's OK. I accept this and still can go on living my life to the fullest as I see fit. So Enjoy a new experience coming up -university - a whole new breed of people - you just might find that you are not alone there... soak up all the knowledge you thirst for until you are content. Going to stop now before I ramble on, and I sincerely hope that YOU got my meaning - that is what counts to me this very minute.. just because I am capable of caring and don't feel that it is a weakness at all. There are no guarantees, but I feel that we still have the right to have our space! Good luck dear.  We are our worst critics - try not to be too hard on yourself.
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Dearest Seen -
Don't be so hard on yourself. Each one of us is called to do and give something differently. There is one thing that takes no talent at all... and that is to love. To love yourself. To love and care for others. Free yourself from nailing yourself into one ideal. Be free to be just who you are. To be able to love is not a talent... but a gift... and its one that returns so many rewards. Try, just once, to turn to someone who is having a bad day, and try and help them out. You will be so surprised how good that makes you feel. Oh, people don't hate you. It's how we sometimes see ourselves. Some of us gel together, and well, some don't. There's enough friends out there for all of us. Let go of trying to find who you are and worrying about who you should be. And just be you. Do things that make you happy. I do understand how people's actions can let you down, make you loose faith. But use that as an oppoturintiy to create a change, to make a difference. If someone is going the wrong way, help them find the right way. Because you are so insightful, which by the way, is a huge talent and gift, you truly can make a difference, you truly can help others. You don't think you are better then others... you just know who you are. Love and care freely - and for those who don't want to catch it... that's okay... there are others just waiting for the type of care and friendship you can offer. Be proud. You are a bright bright girl! |
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Seen,
Many people go through this phase you are in, it is common in adolescents. You fear that you are a social failure, are lonely, so you turn it around in your mind and tell yourself that you are in fact more special, a better person than they are... and thereby isolate yourself in your own mind. You don't have to be perfect to be worthy of love and companionship, in fact, perfect is bad. You have to make a connection to another person and reveal who you really are... lonely, sad, and wanting human connection above all else. :) That's what EVERYONE wants. Courage, dear one, |
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