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daddyonvacation · May 21, 2008, 06:33 PM

I am a divorced father of two children. I want to take my kids on vacation. The catch is, it's a vacation to where her parents live. The kids have been there to see them every year since they were born. They also are very much wanting to go to. The problem is she says no and also is not planning on taking them either. I just want what my kids want and I think she should not deprive them of there visit with grandparents or a vacation with me. She has always taken them there in previous years but is not this year cause she is on the outs with her mother. What can I do, summer is coming soon and the kids keep asking. We botj have 50/50 decission on the kids and have joint custody.

bushg · May 21, 2008, 06:36 PM

As long as they do not present a mental or physical danger to the children and I in good faith as their parent was not trying to get back at my ex I would take them to see their g-parents.
I would inform their mother of my intentions and clear it with the g-parents as well.

daddyonvacation · May 21, 2008, 06:47 PM

No they don't pose any danger at all. They want the kids to come. They were the ones who asked to to bring them, and by no means is this a way to get back my ex either. When I did inform of her of my intentions of taking them she said no way at all. Can she do this and if so what do I need to do. Can I just take them or do I need to take her to court to get the right.

bushg · May 21, 2008, 06:53 PM

We botj have 50/50 decission on the kids and have joint custody.

To me that says it all esp. if it is in your divorce decree. However...

There are a few people on here that are very knowledgeable and will give you something other than opinion. In fact I know one is a lawyer. If you don't get some good feedback tonight check back in tomorrow.

Fr_Chuck · May 21, 2008, 06:57 PM

If you have the kids during certain times, even if it is just your weeks vist during the summer, there is no requirement ( unless you wrote one into the custody agreement) that you inform the other where you are going on vacation or what you are doing with the children during your time with them.

She does not have to tell you where she goes with them, or get your permission to go on vacation during her weeks with the kids either.

My question has to be, why does she not want her parents to see them, and is there some reason you want to take them there? Not to disney land or something. If you are wanting to take them there, just because she does not want them to be taken there, now this may be a issue to me.

daddyonvacation · May 21, 2008, 06:58 PM

Okay thanks, I will. Your opinion is okay to me too if you want to give it!!

talaniman · May 21, 2008, 07:29 PM

Don't even go there guy. Those are her parents, and you really have no business even considering taking your kids there for a vacation, against her wishes. For whatever reason she has, I hope you honor it, and take the kids to see your parents or Disney world. You can make a big deal out of it if you want to, but I see no good reason to even consider it. NONE!

daddyonvacation · May 21, 2008, 07:39 PM

I know they are her parents!! My point is the kids want to go like they have every summer! We have always taken them and since the divorce she has. She is not taking them this year and they so badly can't wait to go, they know mom is not taking them and they want me too. She (the ex)is not taking them cause she is on the outs with her mother. Don't you feel the kids should be considered here and not her. I have always been the one one thinks kids should come before us. Her parents have asked me to bring them so they can come to see them. I want to do this for the kids. I am going regardless if they come but hate to go knowing they want to go so bad!! WHAT DO I DO??

Fr_Chuck · May 21, 2008, 07:44 PM

The one question I asked, not answered, why does she not want them to go there this year, if they went every year, what has changed or happened

talaniman · May 21, 2008, 08:58 PM

WHAT DO I DO??

You talk to your ex, and be a united front, and not two divided camps. That's in the best interrest of your kids. Especially if she has said NO, and then they come to you, then your answer is NO!! The reasons at this point are irrelevant. I think it more important to be as one, rather than let your children, manipulate you against her. That's highly destructive.

daddyonvacation · May 21, 2008, 08:59 PM

She is on the outs with her parents, thus does not want to go there, but kids still want to go.

daddyonvacation · May 21, 2008, 09:05 PM

Fr_chuck
She does not them want to go cause she does not want to go and thinks that I shouldn't cause its her parents, where do the kids win here? I don't think its fair to them...

talaniman · May 21, 2008, 09:13 PM

As far as what's fair for the kids, that's for the parents to decide together, not the kids. When they start calling the shots, then you have failed as a parent.

daddyonvacation · May 21, 2008, 09:20 PM

For some reason I don't think you get my point. The kids want to go, I want to take them, she does not want them to go cause there her parents and she hates her mom. Are you saying I should back down and let the girl win and deprive our kids of what they want and deserve. If its for us to decide what's fair then how do two that have differences on the matter agree on something.

talaniman · May 21, 2008, 09:27 PM

That's something you work out with your ex.

For some reason I don't think you get my point.

I get your point, its obvious you and your wife don't work well together, that's why your not together, I'm not the only one who sees that either, as your kids no it also, and your helping them divide you further, or are you not seeing my point? Bet this isn't the first time they have done this.

JudyKayTee · May 22, 2008, 06:31 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Thats something you work out with your ex.

I get your point, its obvious you and your wife don't work well together, thats why your not together, I'm not the only one who sees that either, as your kids no it also, and your helping them divide you further, or are you not seeing my point? Bet this isn't the first time they have done this.

I see this as the ultimate "got-cha" against the ex-wife: she doesn't have contact with her parents so the ex-son-in-law shows up with the kids and he's the wonderful person; Mom said kids can't spend time with grandparents (and she may or may not be justified, who knows what goes on in other people's families) but Dad takes them so he's the wonderful person - Dad "gets" Mom on both fronts and the best part is he justifies it by saying that this is what the kids want and he can't disappoint them!

Devious, priceless and petty.

bushg · May 22, 2008, 06:37 AM

Judy, got-cha maybe the case, but is he doing anything illegal if he goes ahead and takes them for the visit. He says they share 50/50.

ScottGem · May 22, 2008, 06:59 AM

OK, lets go back a bit here. Chuck was pretty much correct. If this is your scheduled visitation time, then you do not have to consult with your ex about where you take them.

The problem is you did. Once you did and she expresses her disagreement, then you would have to get someone to mediate since you have equal say in the matter. Your ex could take you to court for violating her express instructions.

JudyKayTee · May 22, 2008, 07:24 AM

Originally Posted by bushg

judy, got-cha maybe the case, but is he doing anything illegal if he goes ahead and takes them for the visit. He says they share 50/50.

Unless something in the Order specifies that one parent has to get the permission of the other, no restrictions (I see no foreign travel, for example, children cannot be taken out of country, if one of the parents is from a foreign country, cannot take the children "home" without consent of the Court) - unless, of course, there is a danger to the children and that most definitely does not sound like the case here.

Of course, if the children come home upset and say to Mom, "Grandma says ..." and Mom feels the children are being programmed against her then visitation becomes problematical and if Mom decides to go back to Court, all sorts of people get involved.

Nope, "got-cha" is perfectly legal (and maybe justified, I don't know).

twinkiedooter · May 22, 2008, 01:21 PM

Mom has to grow up a bit and put her feelings aside for Grandma and let the kids visit them for the summer. She feels she must lord it over everyone and make them miserable just because she is. Would suggest you consult an attorney on this before you take the kids anywhere near the grandparents as she sounds like the kind of "mom" who is quite vindictive and could cause a lot of problems down the road for you Dad. You may have to go so far as getting a judge involved.