[CrazySusan]

Hey guys,
I am 20 and have been having sex for a bit more than a year now. Though I love my partner, and he is experienced, I have never felt physical pleasure from sex. We are very comfortable with each other and do have a lot of sex (oral etc). Sometimes during intercourse I even feel pain as if I'm being poked in the stomach.
Don't get me wrong though, the sex is still enjoyable on an emotional level and it DOES arouse me... just not physically. Also, I get no pleasure from masturbation and have no inclination to do it.
Though I have no other physical/medical problems I am starting to fear that I may have to consult a gynecologist in case something IS wrong down there.
Am I just being pyranoid and expecting too much from sex? Help! I'm nervous about consulting a gyno for this.

[Fr_Chuck]

A check up is never a bad idea, learning your own body is a must

[Synnen]

If you can't please yourself, how in the world can you expect someone ELSE to know your buttons?

So.

Start with a trip to your gynocologist. Rule out any physical problems. On your way home, stop by a sex shop and buy yourself a vibrator. And some erotica.

Do you have lots of foreplay? Are you relaxed when you're having sex (likely not, if you're EXPECTING pain)? Are you mentally INTO it? By that I mean--are you thinking about how good something feels (or better yet, not thinking at all!) or are you thinking about the chores you still need to get done?

Sex for women is as much mental as it is physical. If you're not 100% into it mentally, you're going to fail physically. Period.

[Choux]

After you get the OK from your obgnye, you have to consider the problem that you have no passion for sex for one reason or another. Passion is in your mind... panting desire for your lover, for sex, for orgasmic bliss.

Do you have thoughts that you don't want to look "messy" in front of your lover... that you want to be in control of how you look having sex? I'm not explaining it very well, do you get my message?

Woman sex is about being out of control... that is difficult for many young women to come to terms with... slight imperfections, we all have them... we women have to forget about focusing on the negative, being controlling.

Best wishes developing your orgasmic bliss,

[kp2171]

So if someone orders the hottest thai food available and two different people eat it, and one loves it and one can't make it past the second bite, what's up?

It is a mixture of physical sensations (perhaps innervation) and the minds ability to interpret the signals.

A man can walk into a table and rack himself and double over in pain, yet in positions from behind the woman the slapping of the "boys" against the woman is interpreted as pleasurable.

So my point is it isn't as simple as saying its in your head alone. Bull$hit. While the mind IS The Most Important errogenous zone, I believe some people are simply innervated differently.

An italian study this last year proposed the same idea about the g spot... why some women are very responsive to g spot stim, and others are not. For those who are, the discovery and emphasis on the g spot is a fantastic addition to their sexual lexicon. For those who feel nothing, it's a perceived "failure"... a "broken" element. But its not.

One girl I dated could take a hard thrashing at the cl!toris and get off every time. Tongue. Finger. Didn't matter. She was money in the bank. Some of it was mental, but some of it was physical innervation, in my opinion.

I could get my next lover completely relaxed, immersed, lost mentally in the moment, and if I tried to do to her what I did to the other girl, shed stop me in a breath.

It isn't just about mental preparation. Even though mental stim is the big daddy of them all.

Have you self stimulated with a vibe? And I'm not saying go buy a big dildo that might throw you off. My partner has a cute little red cl!toral vibe, for ex. Have you self stimulated while he's pleasuring you? Masturbated while he bites at your neck or ears?

Point is... you might have a mental block. You might have a physical block.

The following is a link that I think is great... it marks many of the events that can happen with sex that results in orgasm. Read through it and talk about what you seem to feel versus what seems to be missing.

Female Sexual Arousal and Orgasm