[trevorl]

Hello my wife and I have been married for 12yrs.The other night she told me that she
Fantasies about me being with another man and says this is the only way she can enjoy
Sex.She says she cannot orgasm unless she is thinking about this.She says this has been going on for a couple of years now.Before this she would think about herself being with another women.Don't know what to do.

[Choux]

I have never been a proponent of couples sharing *everything* that goes on in their skulls! Each individual must keep a private part of the self, otherwise where's the mystery, the allure?

Anyway, I think you wife would benefit from reading some good erotica(not porn)... good literature intended to turn on a woman. I recommend trying Anais Nin "Little Birds". You could give this to her as a gift along with some flowers, a feather, and sexy underwear. I think she needs some new ideas in her head so she can orgasm to all kinds of stimuli. Get yourself a gift, too, on how to vary your foreplay. Open your gifts together!!

Redecorate your bedroom in dark, lush colors, mood lighting, and have a lock installed.

I think working together you can redirect her attention to you-new surroundings, new fantasies, new technique, new you and new her... you being a creative, forceful, unpredictable lover!

[trevorl]

Thanks Choux will give this a try.My wife says she as no interest in sex at all because she
Doesn't like thinking these thoughts but just can't get them out of her head.The only time
She feels horny at all is during her period sometimes maybe a day or two after.

[kp2171]

So... what does she seem to enjoy sexually? Do you ever make it all about her? Are you the aggressor or is she? Do you wake her up by going down on her?

Its normal for people to have dark fantasies. But she's hit a mental block that is completely in the way of her being present with you during sex. Have I thought of other lovers or other people during sex with a lover? Sure. When it happens, it's a mental crutch. It's a mechanism to amp up the mental side when I'm not there with my lover. It happens. If it happens a lot, its an issue. Occasionally, human nature I think.

So... talk more about your life. Kids in the mix? How often do you have sex? Who initiates? Who tends to dominate? etc... the more you can explain, the more we might be able to understand...

[Xrayman]

I don't get how you really feel about this... does it turn you on as well? I'm picking up a vibe that maybe you are asking us if it is okay to fantasise about this? Its normal, just a variant on sexual behaviour.

To me it sounds incredibly erotic that your wife feels so stronly about this that she actually told you about it-I'm not sure what advice to give on this one...

Sounds like she has had bisexual tendencies for a VERY long time, this would sugget to me that she is bisexual and she is just trying you out to see if you can cope with that...

[smoothy]

Hello my wife and I have been married for 12yrs.The other night she told me that she
fantasies about me being with another man and says this is the only way she can enjoy
sex.She says she cannot orgasm unless she is thinking about this.She says this has been going on for a couple of years now.Before this she would think about herself being with another women.Don't know what to do.

Don't sweat it. Your wife is comfortible enough with you to reveale this fantasy. Consider that a good thing. Many women aren't.

Mine has had the same fantasy except for her being with another woman, she hates that but gets strangly incredibly turned on over the thought of another guy doing me. That ain't going to happen, trust me but get her a strap on as a surprise gift. Play to her fantasy. You don't HAVE to have another man touch you to do it. What a married couple is between them. It might bring you even closer if you can indulge her fantasy in a way that is acceptable to both of you and not involve a third person.