[Kati-Katt]

I need some advice on this... It's confusing to me... I don't know how to act or how to think... I don't know why but even after so many years of being around people in school and in my neighbourhoods I feel like I can never meet the right kind of guy that would be my boyfriend... I mean I have friends, I have lots of guy friends... but none seems to be interested at all. I feel sad seeing all those couples in the hallway, it's hard seeing something you wish you had and not getting sad or jelous when it's what you've wanted for a good long time. I mean I don't want one cause everyone has one, I want one so I can share how I feel and be honest knowing he'll be honest back to me... and to know someone cares about me like no one else does... and to have someone to hold my hand when I need it... and to share they're feelings with me and to really love me for me. I know it's hard to find someone like that at my age.. but there has to be SOMEONE out there who likes me right? Is there something with me? I know my intentions are high... but I see everyone else having the happiness that I am and have been missing out on my whole entire life. A lot of the time I feel useless and depressed and I think a lot... but I never can come to the answer of what's going on... Like some of he questions I ask myself are: Am I ugly? Am I immature? What did I do to deserve this? But like I asked earlier I ask myself: Is there something wrong with me? I don't think I'm that bad looking... but people say when someone likes you it's for the one on the inside... or at least for what I'm looking for... I get around quite a bit... I meet people all the time... I make new friends... but I don't make any new boyfriends... or crushes... Please help me out.. I don't know what to do anymore.

[imation]

There really is nothing you can DO to get a boyfriend.
I suggest getting to know yourself more, and becoming more self confident...
That way... the lack of a boyfriend won't bother you as much, and confidence is a very attractive quality too.
Basically you need to focus on yourself and trust that when something is meant to happen, it will.

[JBeaucaire]

but people say when someone likes you it's for the one on the inside...

Well, whoever told you that is selling some hogwash. People do not like the person on the inside, hardly ever, first starting. The only exception is when best friends become mates.

All other times, attraction is purely instinctual. It's primal. It has no reason nor rhyme, and it has a LOT of superficialness to it. This is hard to accept, but it is critical so you don't think ill of yourself needlessly.

This is why SO much of our American culture focuses on looks. It's almost the ONLY thing you can do to sway the primal forces of attraction in your favor. It isn't fair, but it IS the reason.

So, stop beating yourself up. Unless you're willing to play like someone of the popularity game and join the banks of people out their garnering attractiveness to create opportunity for dating, you will have to do it the hard way. Through friendship.

That sounds lame, and maybe even sickening at your age, but time will eventually teach you that the relationships born from close friendships and common ground have a HUGELY higher success rate than the primal attraction crowd. Count on it!

So, stop focusing on "getting a guy" and keep focusing on being the best "you" you can present in the areas and hobbies and classes and activities where you shine. Be a star in those arenas. You will make connections and before you know it, you will have a real link with someone, something way better than the strictly primal group ever gets to start with.

Good luck.

[Reicheru-006]

Omg I was in the EXACT situation like a month ago! But then I got into all this different kind of music and I went to a concert/show thing for screamo and I kind of flirting with this guy the whole time and it was totally a "this guy is cute and he's into me <3" kind of thing. He wasn't from my school. That's what my solution was. Nobody at my school was really right for me but once I got out and met people outside my town... well I got a boyfriend out of it!