[chris36]

Hi there.I had a male friend since 1995, which was a great friendship when we lived in the same city. But he moved & so did I, & only caught up when in town. Since 2000 when I moved to his city to live, he couldn't make an effort to catch up, but I have since moved city's. Since then it has only been emails occasionally on his behalf with just a few words, whereas when I write or phone for that matter as a friend, I tell all that's been happening, but I was not getting anything back from him. Even when we did catch up finally , recently after 2 years, we had a coffee but nothing back from him, what he is doing etc etc. I am a bit over wasting my time & energy when I am a great friend who listens, always keeps in touch, buys presents, really making that person a part of my life. I am 37 & the friends in my life now, I want forever if anything happens I know they will be there for me. He it seems, wouldn't. So after not hearing from him for a month when I rang and sent emails, I decided to cut the friendship off via email. Probably not a good way, but he wrote back angrily calling me selfish etc and that I now dead to him? I saw red so sent a few home truths in the email back.I was so angry. I am not a bad person, but don't like wasting my time on one sided friends. Anyway it's all over. We are no longer friends. Which is what I wanted. Maybe I went about things the wrong way? I was feeling kind of bad, but I know I have done the right thing. Has anyone got any advice? This quote is how I feel "“When a limb on a tree is getting sick, best thing to do is cut it of to protect the trunk. I am the trunk and my ex friend was the sick limb!” Thank you

[templelane]

Why didn't you just let the friendship drift? Why did you have to have an official cut off? When I have had people I have wanted out of my life this is what I do, even if they have angered me much more than just not being attentive enough.

I have friends that live in other countries who I would have to say I a very shoddy with keeping in touch with. However if they turned up on my doorstep tomorrow for whatever reason needing money/help/ a place to stay, I would be there for them. I just don't feel the need to know their every minute of their lives. I don't even know what jobs or relationships they may have.

I know that they would be there for me if I needed them as well. It's just that kind of relationship.

And sometimes you do meet people and you realise there is no friendship spark anymore. You have become two very different people. But I think that's OK. I wouldn't pull them up on it!

How do you even know what was going on in his life? Perhaps he didn't want to tell you as he was fed up of talking about it with people, but it left him busy and without anything good to say.

Personally I think you overreacted a little but perhaps I'm missing something?
Perhaps next time you should just contribute to the friendship as much as the other person, if this means never calling/talking/meeting then fine that's just how it is.

No need to go burning bridges.

That's just my random opinion. :)

[chris36]

Yep I think I may have acted a little hasty but in my own mind I wanted him to know what I was feeling , so I told him... it must be my emotional Cancerian coming out.. :) anyway.. thanks

[talaniman]

Its all said and done, so right or wrong, the thing is to let go, and not dwell on it. Sorry for your loss.