[bigbird213]

I'm sure everyone here has see the term NC or No Contact used somewhere on this board and I wanted to write a little rant for myself mostly (or anyone else) about why we need it and what it does for you.

If you are in the midst of a breakup, take a second to think about the things that hurt the most. All of these have to do with your ex and how they are getting along, feeling better, seeing other people... the list goes on. Now we advise NC for one very specific reason - YOUR EX AND THEIR ACTIONS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU ANYMORE.

Take it from someone who knows: Many of the things you will find out by contacting are not worth finding out. Sure, the wondering hurts. What are they doing? Are they happy? Are they seeing someone else? Do they want me back? Are they hurting? All of these questions we strive to know the answer to until we get it.

You see, as long as these questions go unanswered they do no harm. They nag at our brains, but they are not causing any pain in and of themselves. However, as soon as these questions are answered, 99% the answer is much more painful then the answer. This does not necessarily mean the answer is negative, but often times the search for the answer sends us on a wild goose chase, interpreting every single bread crumb about their life we can find. In the end, no one knows anything about the ex other than out ex themselves.

So why do we fool ourselves? Why do we set ourselves up for the burn of asking these questions. I can't answer that, maybe someone else can. All I know is that I have been down both roads before, and while the questions nagging at my brain are irritating and bring you to the brink of breaking down -- crossing that line is infinitely worse.

So do yourself a favor: Next time you want to ask that question, log onto myspace or Facebook, check that IM status message, [insert other grasping at straws activity here] - DON'T. Just take faith in the fact that the unknown is much better than the known in most cases. As long as we don't know the answer, we can always dismiss our delusions as made up scenarios in our heads -- but the truth is much harder forgotten.

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If you read this: thank you. I hope it helped someone, it is definitely therapeutic for me to write these thoughts down. As I write them, I realize what I must do in my own situation. I hope this can provide insight to those asking "Why NC?".
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[losingit77]

Yes, when I was in the very early stages of the breakup (the first week) and I was still talking to my ex and asking the questions about "what do you feel", "what do you think", one of my very wise friends just said to me "losingit, don't ask questions you don't really want to hear the answer to." Its so true. The unknown is so much easier.

And what happens sometimes with not maintaining the NC, is the "fabricated". Instead of knowing nothing and keeping it all unknown, we piece together little bits of information from various sources (friends, myspace, etc.) and make up these completely fabricated and imagined ideas of what's actually happening. That's even worse because we work ourselves all up over a "what if". Forget about it. Are they sitting around fabricating up ideas of what we're up to? Probably not. Remember the more unknown their lives become to us, the more unknown our lives become to them. And then at least, we're both in the same boat.

When you are broken up with, you lose all your power or "hand" in the relationship. NC lets you get that power back. Every day that goes by you get stronger and stronger. Remember, if they dumped you, make them feel like they too got dumped too!