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IReallyNeedHelp · May 4, 2008, 06:09 AM

Hello so... I know this girl for 8 almost 9 years... we are great friends I think the best friends... we do all the stuff together.. but I felt in love with her a problem! She has a boyfriend.. and I only think about her I don't know what to do or how to get her out of my head she's I can't sleep at night a can't concentrate nothing :(

tickle · May 4, 2008, 06:15 AM

Do you think you need to tell her how you feel ? That would be a good start to resolving your problem. After she knows how you feel then surely she will tell you what she wants to do. Either stay with her boyfriend or be with you.

Communication is an excellent way to solve problems.

IReallyNeedHelp · May 4, 2008, 07:14 AM

Well thought about it but.. as far as I see her happy with her boyfriend I don't want to offend their relation ship but althrough I want to be badly with her because I love her :( and I am so confused :(

nickshehe · May 4, 2008, 07:19 AM

I would suggest getting over it I'm afraid..
This has happened to me before.. and if you look at other forum posts it is there as well.
Guy falls in love with his best (girl) friend.
Usually ends in heart ache for the guy.. I would advise against it, as the most likely thing that will happen is she'll say that she wants to remain friends and you won't be able to cope.. and your friendship goes down the drain as well..
I ruined my friendship this way.. it made perfect sense in my head.. we get along great, we did things that couples do except kiss and sleep together e.t.c.. It only made sense.. but she said she loved me as a friend and that's all there was too it.. It took me a long time to get over that loss, and we aren't really friends any more..

IReallyNeedHelp · May 4, 2008, 07:25 AM

Well I try to remind myself she is my best friend and that I love her as a friend... but I just can't forget her.. she's stuck in my head :(

talaniman · May 4, 2008, 07:40 AM

I think we all have been down that road, that we care so much for someone it literally hurts. They go through life, and we share with them as friends, and sure those feelings are very intense. May I suggest keeping the friendship intact, and let it stay strong and healthy, by being more proactive with making sure your own life has a healthy balance of other friends, and activities, that keeps you healthy, and focused. Coping with those feelings for a friend, is a part of growing, maturing, and learning, not just expressing them when they come up. Friends are hard to come by, and should be respected, and this friend is UNAVAILABLE, and no way should you do anything to mess that up. Telling her is a risk, as she may not feel the same, and that knowledge can change everything you've built. Focus those feelings on someone else, and keep your friendship.

IReallyNeedHelp · May 4, 2008, 08:25 AM

I know it's a risk that's why I don't do it :( I don't want to lose her as a friend

jckgdig · May 4, 2008, 08:43 AM

The worst part is (and it is what just happened to me) that even if you get together, a break up will mean losing your partner and a friend.

I truly wished that I would have never taken my friendship with my ex to a relationship. Now the person whose opinion most mattered, and who I need most right now is unavailable because SHE is the one I need to talk about.

It is harder losing a friend than a lover I think.

liz28 · May 4, 2008, 11:48 AM

Maybe it would have been good to know exactly you starting falling in love with her. Some friends can make it in a relationship only if they both want it but she is invlove with someone so that's out the question. Maybe you should find someone for you and focus the energy you have for her on someone but then that might not work if your deep in love with your friend so I should not suggest that. You might need to spend less time with your friend and a little nc might help.

Chery · May 4, 2008, 01:42 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think we all have been down that road, that we care so much for someone it literally hurts. They go thru life, and we share with them as friends, and sure those feelings are very intense. May I suggest keeping the friendship intact, and let it stay strong and healthy, by being more proactive with making sure your own life has a healthy balance of other friends, and activities, that keeps you healthy, and focused. Coping with those feelings for a friend, is a part of growing, maturing, and learning, not just expressing them when they come up. Friends are hard to come by, and should be respected, and this friend is UNAVAILABLE, and no way should you do anything to mess that up. Telling her is a risk, as she may not feel the same, and that knowledge can change everything you've built. Focus those feelings on someone else, and keep your friendship.

GOSH, DARN.. I had to spread the comments again.

Dear IReally.. Talaniman is right. Sometimes we have to accept the friendship offered if we don't want to lose the person completely.

I once had a crush so bad on a guy who was unavailable too, but I kept myself occupied with other activities and friends and the urge to want to be with him slowly went away. This was when I was a teen and I'm 57 now. We are still friends today and I know his wife and kids. So.. honest, you'll survive and get over it as long as you find other things to keep you busy. It's better in the longrun.

Good luck to you dear, growing and learning is all a part of life and there is no easy escape for any of us, but it all will be fine in the end... just be patient with yourself and make new friends.

tickle · May 4, 2008, 01:48 PM

The problem is, a person has to be pretty well disciplined in order to just cut off emotions that are really unsuitable. Most of us can't do it and really mean it, or then there are others who are just too needy to pull it off, who don't have a really good friendship base in order to dilute the feelings.

IReallyNeedHelp · May 4, 2008, 02:58 PM

As everyone said I shall forget here do something else,accept her as a friend I want to but I just can't my feeling for her are just to big and she's stuck in my head :(

jckgdig · May 4, 2008, 05:06 PM

Originally Posted by IReallyNeedHelp

as everyone said i shall forget here do something else,accept her as a friend i want to but i just can't my feeling for her are just to big and shes stuck in my head :(

Of course you could ignore the fact that not one person here gave you the advice you wanted (I assume you wanted to hear "go for it!"). If you do choose to ignore the advice, just be prepared for the possibility that you will be back here some time in the future asking how you can go on after losing both a friend and a girlfriend at the same time.