[Rudycat]

My 46 year old sister, who is a married mother of two teenagers, met a single, straight male, aged 36, on a on-line discussion forum. The discussion forum is a long hair community discussion forum devoted to people growing their hair long. Yes, that's right, it's a discussion forum to support people who have or are growing their hair long. She developed some type of close friendship with this man. He invited her to come and visit him. She lives in Canada and he lives in the States. She tells me that her husband and kids know where she went. She stayed for 3 weeks alone with him. Within a 10 month period, she went back for 3 more visits, each visit lasting appproximately 4 weeks in duration. In addition, this man has his own personal website, where he posts progress photos of his hair growth -- he has an obsession over his hair. During my sister's visits, he posts pictures of her on his website as well. They spend time tyring out various hairstyles, braids, etc. which he takes pictures of and posts on his website. I found out about all of this by accident and by doing a fair amount of web sleuthing. I'm sure some of this sounds pretty crazy -- it does to me too. The point is, I keep telling my sister that what she's doing is wrong and just plain nutty. She tells me that her family knows exactly where she's been and that they have the name of the man she's with, including his telephone number. She tells me that she would never do anything to jeopardize her marriage -- huh? Wha? She tells me that I have a twisted imagination and that I need to get a life and stop worrying about hers. While she may be right that I should stop worrying about her life -- does anyone else think this is all extremely weird. Am I going crazy, or does this seem bizarre on several different levels? I just want another opinion on this. **The real question I guess I'm asking, is that given the aforementioned scenerio, isn't the obvious conclusion that she's having some type of affair and that her husband obviously doesn't care about it. She tells me that her and her husband are fine and everything's good between them. She says that he trusts her and I'm the one who has a dirty mind. I'm not leaving anything out -- these are the facts as I know them. Just wonder what someone else would think or do if they were in my shoes.

[mydogquestion]

Well my opinion is that I find it odd. I would not be OK with my spouse going to visit any female without me (except a reletive in need) . The hair thing is weird to me but whatever floats ones boat. If you have talked to your sister and she says her and her husband are fine then there is not much else for you to do. What goes on between couples is really their own busniess. If it were my sister I would not hesitate to let her know I find the whole thing weird and worry about her family. I would tell her I loved her and just want to make sure she knows what she was doing. Then you have to let her be. But it is OK to tell her you find it odd.

[kp2171]

I wouldn't be OK with it, but I don't have to live with her.

My wife has been out of town, traveling on business for the better part of the month. I think she's been gone almost as much as she's been home. But that's business, and its not always like that. Point is she chooses to be in a job that takes her away from her family at times, and we can work it out.

I know a guy who takes a two week hunting/camping trip with buddies once a year.

I know another person who sailed an ocean for a month away from his family.

but... this one just seems odd to me... and as much as I believe a man and a woman can be friends and nothing more if they are both grounded and honest... i dont get it.

While I'm OK with people having their own odd fetishes... I'm just not sure I understand what would take a woman away from her husband and her kids for weeks at a time when its about growing hair. Really.

Missing 4 months of her teenage kids life for her fetish is selfish and unbelievable... even if nothing sexual is going on between them. That's the part that irks me the most... the husband... he can demand or accept whatever... but the kids... how can she miss this time in their life when they need parental involvement??

Midlife crisis? I don't know.

[Rudycat]

"while im ok with people having their own odd fetishes... im just not sure i understand what would take a woman away from her husband and her kids for weeks at a time when its about growing hair. really.

missing 4 months of her teenage kids life for her fetish is selfish and unbelievable... even if nothing sexual is going on between them. thats the part that irks me the most... the husband... he can demand or accept whatever... but the kids... how can she miss this time in their life when they need parental involvement???

midlife crisis? i dunno."

Thank you for your reply.

I sent my sister an e-mail stating the same thing. Her 18 year old daughter went off to college for the first time this past September on Labour Day weekend, while her mother was off on another one of her trips. I told her that her 16 year old son must feel like she keeps abadoning him. I told her that she needed to rethink her values. I told her that I was completely confounded by her husbands apathy toward the situation. To be honest, this whole thing has caused a huge rift between us, and that's an understatement. I should add that my sister is a "stay-at-home" mother, who due to what she says are chronic daily migraine headaches and depression, has rarely left the house in years and basically stopped all face-to-face contact with me and my husband. This compounded my anger about this whole strange thing. Anyway, thank you for taking the time to give me your insight.

[liz28]

I sorry if I'm late to answer this question but this is very weird, there aomething going on, but if the husband don't care why should you. This is a problem between her and husband but I know you care, but she don't. I had to read what you posted twice because its strange She shoula @ least be there for her kids if anything. I sorry to say this but your sister as problems and seem to only care about this long hair obessed fellow.

[N0help4u]

I agree it is very weird but it is between her and her husband to decide. You telling her what you think can only cause a drift between you two because obviously she does not heed your input.

[MsMewiththat]

If I am able to give my opinion without being offensive here. Your sister is very likely experiencing some mental trouble. Let's be serious here, in no way is that normal. Denial, while not only a river in egypt is a very comfortable emotion for people who are not ready to face the truth. This is where I see her husband to be choosing to hang out, in denial. The hair thing, could just as easily be anything else. She found someone that shares something with her and apparently that is what she was looking for. The husband most likely is aware of the changes that she has been going through in life lately and very well might welcome the break from her, or perhaps has a fetish of his own he's courting. The children deserve so much more. Do you think that you could possible hang in there and stay in her life? It's possible they all need some outside help and only someone such as yourself that truly cares is going to get it for them. Stay connected, don't stop caring, don't stop. The life you save may not only be your sisters but that of the children or the children's future children. Something is off in the head. We have all seen this before. We read about it every day. Stay in the fight and know you are not off here and it's out of love. Good Luck to you and your family.