[luvu2]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2yrs, at the beginning we had problems with sex he always wanted to so bad, but the first time NOTHING... as time went by things got a lot better... he is a very reserved man and not so often shares his emotions with anyone, to make it short he had a very rough childhood which includes sexual abuse, its hard for me to say this but I need help. It haven't been easy to stay together, he is reserved and relaxed guy in to his school and work and a lot of this times I feel as if he leaves me aside for this. Lately Ive asked myself what if he is gay? Why?his childhood abuse, the sex problems, his attitude towards me at times, the attention he gives to his guy friends and there is one in particular that boders me he talks to him on the phone for maybe an hour once a week.. this is an older man in his 40's... I stilll haven't met him even do I've asked so many times, I'm his first girlfriend and he is 29, he dated other girls in the past but never serious, he has to shower every time he uses the bathroom even if its five times a day... there is so many details that if I use my brain only I would say he is in fact gay but my heart has doubts and I'm not sure what to think or do... I love him so much and I want to help him, I just don't know how... my story is too long and I wanted to make it as short as possible, please help and feel free to ask any question... Thank you!

[Fr_Chuck]

OK, perhaps not gay but perhaps he has a lot of mental and emotional issues, *IE showing every time he uses the bathroom, that is strange but believe me, not a gay thing. A mental health problem issue for sure.
I would say that he needs some serious mental health counseling.

[Xrayman]

He feels "dirty" because of his sexual abuse-he (as some men do) might feel he is GAY because of his (misguided perception of his victimisation), he is not gay as washing yourself has little if any significance to your sexuality...

He needs counselling and friendship-although the 40YO needs to back off if you are going to have a relationship with this man

[simoneaugie]

I was married to someone with a similar background. He lived a confused life and wanted me to make it right. He needs to get these issues addressed, before he marries you.

[Choux]

There are some repetitive threads here on the Adult Sexuality Board, and one of them is that one partner is in over their head with their lover because the lover has serious psychological problems...

When a person is over their head in any situation, it is time to reassess the entire relationship.

This young man needs psychological counselling... this situation is not going to get better without him getting professional help... I think you need to talk over this situation with a good therapist so you can get the strength to move on to hopefully, a more healthy relationship.

When we are young is the time to meet and date all kinds of men so we can find a good guy to spend the rest of our lives with... we have to reject those who are deeply flawed. The older a person gets, the fewer good men are available. Don't chose a man that will make your life miserable, don't chose unhappiness.

[Handyman2007]

I kind of believe that this man has issues far beyond what you my be able to help with. Try to talk to him and see if he can deal with counseling or even wants to. A little encouragement can go a long way. Good Luck

[luvu2]

Thanks to all for answering. Something I forgot to say... he picked up this habit of showering about 5 years ago... maybe he does feel dirty... he also does that with his hands... I will try to get him some counseling...

[Handyman2007]

Ocd

[mustard_seed]

Why in the world are people stressing over issues that are foreign to them? Get some help for your lover/yourself and step onto the sunny side of the street. Life is over before you know it. If you survive long enough to get old, what will you have to look back on is regret. I should've, could've, would've...