[jammyb]

I recently broke up from a two and a half year relationship with a girl I met at uni. After graduation, I got a job in the town where she lived and we decided to get a place together.

Shortly after moving in, things changed, and she became cold and distant and never seemed interested in anything to do with us anymore. I assumed this was because she had trouble living with people, as she always did at uni, as she was never the most popular of people. However, shortly after I noticed this change in her behavior she became good "friends" with a guy she worked with, and began emailing him and texting him on a fairly regular basis. I got jealous and a lot of arguments started to break out. Things got unbearable living together and we broke up. After this though, in a somewhat unhinged about of paranoia, I read her emails and found nothing which indicated any sort of blooming relationship, but by that time the living situation was so bad that I moved out.

About a month later I heard that she was living with this guy in his house (though I only have limited evidence of this). I know that I should just let it go, and Ive got no right to know what's going on anymore, but I can't help but think there must have been something going on during the relationship. Ive cut all contact with her apart from picking things up from the old house, and when I have asked she tells me there is nothing going on, though it seems she is lying or making me think she is lying to upset me. I feel massively betrayed, and can't help but wonder what's going on. Im not that bothered about splitting with her per se, as I always knew the relationship wouldn't go that far but I feel massively betrayed and keep thinking that I screwed this up and that it will happen in all my future relationships. Was I right to get jealous and how do I stop from it getting the better of me? Did I push her further towards him? I sometimes think that this was a good learning experience, and that it has taught me not to make the same mistakes in future (better) relationships, but logic is fairly redundant when it comes to getting dumped. What the hell do I do? I feel like a chump.

[boredINmind]

I definitely don't think that this is your fault. If she was doing something to even make you suspect that something more could be happening, then that was all her doing not yours. Although you might have blown up and probably could have handled the situation better, this is just something to keep in mind during future relationships.

I honestly believe in trusting everyone until they give you a reason not to, but sometimes the HORRIBLE thing that they do to make me loose the trust is much bigger than the good things we have shared. Therefore, you have to learn when to trust and when to let them go. You made a clean break and that is for the best, just keep in mind that talking about situations in a calm manner is better in the long run then arguing it out (easier said than done in some cases though, I understand).