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Jabba1012 · Apr 23, 2008, 03:57 PM

I've been with this guy for 14 months now and he is an amazing person. He is polite, caring, understanding, and just a great person all around. We don't fight or really have any problems except for the fact that I have recently felt the need to get away. Right now Im young, Im 17 and not wanting all the commitment and responsibilty of having someone in my life. If I was 25 and ready to settle down and get married and have kids he would be the ONE for me. He would make a great husband and father. But right now I want to go back to the old me and enjoy the rest of high school and do what I want, when I want, with who I want with out hurting him. I know it may seem selfish, Im in love with him but want to see other people, I know crazy, but I really don't want to lose him in the long run. I don't wanna sacrafice the next 5 years just to be happy later in life....

COOKIE MONSTER · Apr 23, 2008, 04:44 PM

Theirs no way he'll put up with that,you will lose him,as if he's going to give you permission to go have sex with other people. You are going to hurt him not matter what or how you say it to him theirs noway of escaping it.I know your young and I understand were your coming from,but you can't do this without hurting him and I don't think he's going to sit about waiting for you either.

If you want to see other people break up with him and tell him you don't want the commitment and responsibility be honest with him

Alcmene · Apr 24, 2008, 02:31 AM

What you want is understandable, even though it's sad, but you can't have both him and freedom. Your choice. If you've already made it, then take your responsibilities and assume the fact that you're going to make him suffer.
I'm 18, my girlfriend broke with me last week, after two years. She was my first, and we discovered everything about love together. I can tell you it hurts. Badly. And I can also tell you that I completely understood the fact that staying with her was sacrificing my student years, but I had made my choice.

I don't say that you should stay with him, it's up to you, and I can understand your opinion. But don't ask him to agree and let you go without pain, and face the fact that your decision is going to hurt him. Just be honest, and take your responsibilities. And don't ask him to be best friends. He'll want you more than anything as a girlfriend, but he won't want you as an ex before some time has passed.

Good luck to both of you.

boredINmind · Apr 24, 2008, 06:17 AM

Best thing would be to explain it to him and hope he understands! That is all you really can do. Tell him you love him and don't want to hurt him, but you're going to fast too soon. You're young and have several years before you want to settle down. Try to be understanding if he's mad and hurt, but don't lead him along. If you want to break up, then do it, not any of that lets be friends and maybe we will get back together crap! That leads to SO may more problems then a CLEAN break would!

Alcmene · Apr 24, 2008, 06:29 AM

Originally Posted by boredINmind

Tell him you love him and don't want to hurt him.

I, as her boyfriend, wouldn't like to hear "I love you and I don't want to hurt you.". When you're getting dumped, you can't understand this. The only thing you hear is "I love you", and you keep on repeating that in your head, and you don't get what's happening. You can tell you care about him, but don't say you love him (IMHO…).

Originally Posted by boredINmind

…
That leads to SO may more problems then a CLEAN break would!

So true ! Don't try to make a plan for him not to suffer by taking distance slowly or whatever… That'll worsen everything, I can tell you, and if you really want him to suffer the less possible, be straight and honest about your decision. This he can understand, even if it hurts.

talaniman · Apr 24, 2008, 06:47 AM

I don't wanna sacrafice the next 5 years just to be happy later in life....

Be as honest with him, as you have been with yourself, and let him know ASAP

gillhas · Apr 24, 2008, 06:51 AM

Originally Posted by Jabba1012

I've been with this guy for 14 months now and he is an amazing person. He is polite, caring, understanding, and just a great person all around. We don't fight or really have any problems except for the fact that I have recently felt the need to get away. Right now Im young, Im 17 and not wanting all the commitment and responsibilty of having someone in my life. If I was 25 and ready to settle down and get married and have kids he would be the ONE for me. He would make a great husband and father. But right now I want to go back to the old me and enjoy the rest of high school and do what I want, when I want, with who I want with out hurting him. I know it may seem selfish, Im in love with him but want to see other people, I know crazy, but I really don't want to lose him in the long run. I don't wanna sacrafice the next 5 years just to be happy later in life....

You might have to pick one or the other. You can't expect him to wait around for you to have fun and still be there. If you don't think its worth it right now then tell him. Make shure it is the truth. He would deserve that much

Jiser · Apr 24, 2008, 09:28 AM

Sounds a bit like experiances I know of. Best if you break up, don't give him any false hope, tell him why and don't speak to each other again or for a long time. As far as I am concerned once Ive been dumped that's it, I don't speak to them again, so I would expect that if I was you.

You might care about him but I don't think you feel that strongly or you wouldn't be wanting to spread your wings and check if the grass is greener. You have been honest as you said above, so stop wasting each others time!

plonak · Apr 24, 2008, 09:51 AM

I really suggest you think about what you truly want before you do anything rash. Look inside yourself.. obviously like everyone else has said.. you can't have both your freedom and your guy, it just doesn't work like that.

I say that you should think about it because you really could regret your decision and it might haunt you for a while, and your chance will be gone, and he will proly have moved on making another lucky girl happy... just like the hart song "listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye.." seriously I know it's cheasy but... it's the truth.. good luck!

strawberrybee · Apr 24, 2008, 10:35 AM

I think you know your answer.. you posted it yourself. You are not happy with him anymore! It's understandable and not selfish, if anything, you are saving yourself and him many more months of being in a relationship that you are not satisfied with. Listen to your thoughts. Proceed carefully.

britster · Apr 26, 2008, 10:37 AM

Listen, you guys need to break up because I was in the same spot as you... I dated my boyfriend when I was in 8th grade actully until yesturday. Its been almost 5 years and I feel the same way you do... if only I was 25 ready to settle down he would be the one. I started having feelings that I was pulling away from him about a year and a half ago I figured awh it will work its self out... NOOOOO don't do that it makes it a million times worse he is taking it really hard and so am I. if you have ANY doubts break it off. Goodluck sweetie... just remember to keep his feelings in mind to