[workoutgirl]

Hi everyone,

This is my first post here and I'm sorry it is really long but I am lost right now. Here's a quick background:

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4.5 years (he's 29, I'm almost 27). From the beginning, we have been together nonstop. We share many similar interests and have a lot of fun together. In the last year and a half, the topic of marriage has been brought up numerous times. Last April was the first time we seriously talked about it, and we were both on board and excited with the idea. However, in June, two good couples who are friends had nasty breakups - one couple divorced and another called off their wedding 20 days before the date. Almost initially, my BF started to express concerns.

At first, I figured it was no big deal. He was just going through something and would get out of it eventually. There were many days and weeks and months where I was sure he was over it, as he was being more affectionate, loving, supportive than ever. However, when the topic was brought up (usually by me), I would see him retreat in his "shell" and he would tell me he still didn't feel ready. It hurt, I would cry, but I knew he would come around. I mean, we had something really special!

In December, while talking, it came out that he was starting to question other aspects of his life as well (his career, his life goals, where he wants to live for the rest of his life, etc). He has always had a yearning for more travel and expressed he was scared he would settle down and get married and never be able to backpack around the world, etc... Through tears, I tried to stay positive, as he would over and over tell me that he loves me so much, he would never want to break up, and he's so lucky to have me, etc. He just couldn't (with all of his uncertainty in his life) tell me that I was the one. What did I do? I waited. Because when we weren't talking about all of the "future" stuff, our relationship was off the charts fantastic - in every possible way. Plus, he started going to therapy (my idea).

After getting my hopes up a couple times in the last few months by telling me he was finally ready to move forward and then retracting that statement soon after, I finally told him that I feel we need a break - as hard as that is for the two of us. I mean, I couldn't stand it anymore - how could he just NOT KNOW anything about his life?? Am I the one? I don't know. Do you like your job? I don't know. Do you want to stay in this city? I don't know.

He packed up a couple bags to go camping alone and then visit some family for a couple of weeks, and I feel miserable. Sad to be without him, scared that I made the wrong decision, guilty that I am hurting him. He is currently unemployed, lost in life, and I believe depressed, so my making this decision makes me feel HORRIBLE - like I am just a mean person. I love him and I know he loves me. But is love enough?? Should I wait until he gets a job and then see how he's feeling?

[Fr_Chuck]

Sounds like he does not want to grow up, what does he do for a living, so he can take off for a few weeks ?

And if you hve lived together for over 4 years what is that if that is not settling down?

Sounds like he has not made some choices in life and is afraid to make commitments

[talaniman]

Is love enough?

Yes it is, for picnics, parties, and holidays. In real life, there are times where communications, and a willingness to work together, are essential to dealing with those hard tough times that we go through. If you don't have that, then what good is the love? Let him go to find himself, but don't bother waiting on this boy, to be a man. At least you didn't marry him.