[ltw03]

I have had an amiable relationship with my children's father all of their lives (they are now 12 and 14). I have done so because my parent's divorce was ugly and nasty and took over three years to resolve. I didn't want that for my children. Fortunately, I never married the father - though it came close in a commonlaw sense.

We have shared custody, he has an order to pay child support which I was nice enough to only ask for $50 a week for both of them which I place into a TAP account for their college. He hasn't paid child support for over a year now but that's not the purpose of this post.

If I should die, before my children turn 18, he would become the de facto legal guardian of them since they are his biological children. I CANNOT allow this to happen...

He has no stable residence or income, he lives with his girlfriend who has no stable income but a 'stable' residence because her mother bought a trailer for her.

His girlfriend placed her hands on my son in an aggressive manner. He 'abandoned' my daughter in the middle of town just the other day justifying that he 'had to work' basically, he chose working some under the table job over picking up my daughter from soccer practice thus leaving a 14 y.o. girl alone in the middle of town with no ride home.

(These are just the events that have occurred within the last week... I have many many more to share but this post is proabably already too long p.s. Thank you if you had read thus far, I'm almost done)

Police have shown up to their house multiple times for domestic disputes some of which my children have been present and witness to.

I am under the impression that the only way to guarantee that he does not get them in the event of my demise is by 'pursuading' him to relinquish his parental rights to the children, in other words, while I have learned from recent posts that parental relinquishment in no way absolves financial responsibility, I am willing to waive arrears and cancel all child support in exchange for his acceptance to give up parental rights (yes -I'm banking on him possibly being THAT selfish)

Should he refuse; my next step would be to enforce the child support order and request a review to raise child support as a stronger form of persuasion. Finally if that did not work, I would sue him for whatever cause, abandonement, neglect, whatever, I have enough information and he has enough of a record that I can take him down.

However, it is not my intent to sever the relationship between father and child, in fact I would want him to see his kids and I would NOT want the kids to know that this is happening but the bottom line is that he and his girlfriend are not fit to raise the two children they already have. They would destroy mine.

Does anyone know how else I can guarantee that he would not get custody of them if I pass away?

For the moment I am not trying to change what is, only what could be.

Your comments, good or bad are truly appreciated. Thank you.

[knowispower]

I have had an amiable relationship with my children's father all of their lives (they are now 12 and 14). I have done so because my parent's divorce was ugly and nasty and took over three years to resolve. I didn't want that for my children. Fortunately, I never married the father - though it came close in a commonlaw sense.

We have shared custody, he has an order to pay child support which I was nice enough to only ask for $50 a week for both of them which I place into a TAP account for their college. He hasn't paid child support for over a year now but that's not the purpose of this post.

If I should die, before my children turn 18, he would become the de facto legal guardian of them since they are his biological children. I CANNOT allow this to happen ...

He has no stable residence or income, he lives with his girlfriend who has no stable income but a 'stable' residence because her mother bought a trailer for her.

His girlfriend placed her hands on my son in an aggressive manner. He 'abandoned' my daughter in the middle of town just the other day justifying that he 'had to work' basically, he chose working some under the table job over picking up my daughter from soccer practice thus leaving a 14 y.o. girl alone in the middle of town with no ride home.

(These are just the events that have occured within the last week ... I have many many more to share but this post is proabably already too long p.s. Thank you if you had read thus far, I'm almost done)

Police have shown up to their house multiple times for domestic disputes some of which my children have been present and witness to.

I am under the impression that the only way to guarantee that he does not get them in the event of my demise is by 'pursuading' him to relinquish his parental rights to the children, in other words, while I have learned from recent posts that parental relinquishment in no way absolves financial responsibility, I am willing to waive arrears and cancel all child support in exchange for his acceptance to give up parental rights (yes -I'm banking on him quite possibly being THAT selfish)

Should he refuse; my next step would be to enforce the child support order and request a review to raise child support as a stronger form of persuasion. Finally if that did not work, I would sue him for whatever cause, abandonement, neglect, whatever, I have enough information and he has enough of a record that I can take him down.

However, it is not my intent to sever the relationship between father and child, in fact I would want him to see his kids and I would NOT want the kids to know that this is happening but the bottom line is that he and his girlfriend are not fit to raise the two children they already have. They would destroy mine.

Does anyone know how else I can guarantee that he would not get custody of them if I pass away?

For the moment I am not trying to change what is, only what could be.

Your comments, good or bad are truly appreciated. Thank you.

There is a way, it requires you first getting complete and sole custody of your children and then getting a legal binding legal will that states who would get custody of your children. THese are not unusal wills and are required for anyone who is going to adopt as a single mom. Hope this helps