[trj206]

OK so my mother in law has lost custody of all four of her younger kids (17 and younger) The oldest who is 17 and 5 months pregnant,has now moved in with us and plans on staying here for a couple years. That's fine with me! But her attitude and laziness is killing me (and no this isn't just because she's pregnant she has had a attitude problem since I met her) She's pretty decent to me but with her brother(my husband) that's another story. She was not really "rasied" so to say her Mom is a party person and always left the kids alone.They were left to do every thing for them self. She has never had any kind of rules or guidance in her life. So I need some advice on how to get her to listen more.. try to follow our rules.. clean up after her self! Our rules are simple: 1.clean up after yourself,2.during the week come home after school (she can hang with friends and come home by 8ish) and on weekends Friday and Saturday she can be gone where ever she wants just call and let us know she's OK each night and come home Sunday.
Im so new to this teen thing! I'm 25 and dealing with teens is not my thing,I have a 8 year old that listens so much better! Am I asking for too much from her?

[DoulaLC]

It's a tough road... she is between adolesence and young adulthood... then through a baby into the mix and you have even more issues to address. She will likely balk since she hasn't had much guidance and now you and her brother have somewhat of a parental role... which likely is not something she is thrilled about.
You could possibly try to appeal to her nurturing side... talk to her as more of a peer... find out her thoughts on the pregnancy, being a mother, raising a child, and all that it entails... discipline, guidance, being a role model, etc.. Maybe... just maybe, it will start to dawn on her.
OR...
You could try the tough love approach... look, you are helping her out big time providing for her while she is pregnant and will be afterwards once baby is here. She is old enough to be a mother, she is old enough to carry some of the responsibility around the house. If she wants to be treated as a young adult, she needs to act like it. Choices have consequences... good or bad. You won't allow her to take advantage of your generosity. You are being more than flexible with the communication you expect from her at 17... she has more freedom than many teens her age... you aren't asking much at all in return. Simple respect and common courtesy go a long way and it is a two way street.
Maybe set aside a time for a family meeting where you, your husband, your child, and your sister in law can have a little chat... discuss expectations, compromising, communicating, and responsibility so that everyone is on the same page. Get an agreement from all involved so that there are no surprises... good idea to leave it open for future meetings should things come up that need to be addressed... and anyone is able to bring up an issue they want to discuss.