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lrobertson · Apr 9, 2008, 02:27 PM

I am fairly young for all this but this man and these children are well worth it...

My fiancé was married for almost five years before he met me, they have two beautiful boys together. We have been together for a little over a year now. I met him fairly soon after their divorce, he has full custody of both of the boys, one is 20 months old and one is almost four. She left on and off through the marriage he tried to keep his family together but then decided it was pointless. In the divorce he let her have the car that HIS MOTHER helped buy for her which is still not paid for. Almost in return for him to keep the boys, she did not put up a fight what so ever, the boys have been with him for over a year now and in that last year she has seen her boys maybe 8 times total. Its so sad! Now that we are planning our wedding and trying to get everything settled I see no reason why they should be paying for this car when she does noteven use it to see the children, it gets better... She is STILL on their insurance and refuses to give them the money for it when its due, because she is so often in and out of jobs. A school loan is being paid for for her as well. What ticks me off so bad about it is that I will never complain about where my money goes (I have a little girl myself ) Just as long as the children have what they want and need I will be fine, but when paying her bills cuts into my spending on these children and my family I start to get a little upset. Now my question is simply this since the car is titled to the ex wife and my fiance's mother can SHE LEGALLY TAKE THE CAR BACK FROM HER? Yes the ex was given the car in the divorce, but she was also ordered child support and to see the boys which she NEVER does! I have kept my mouth shut out of respect for everyone involved, Lord help me I better not ever be alone with this woman though. She abandoned these boys I love them as if they were my own and am tired of still feeling like he is also taking care of his ex still, just let me know if anyone has any idea about the car! The child support is no big deal, I couldn't care less to get any money for her I just want her to quit continuing to hurt everyone because she is so selfish and wants a like not involving her children...

450donn · Apr 9, 2008, 03:12 PM

A lot of questions there. Not sure about the car, who holds the title? If the title holder is not getting paid then repo is likely OK. Rest of that stuff is or was decided upon and signed off in court. So if she is not paying child support, then back to court to get it. The bills your BF is paying on, again if they were part of the settlement, then until they are paid for, I doubt there is much you or he can do.

Bluerose · Apr 9, 2008, 03:25 PM

lrobertson,

You are taking on a lot and you have the right to have your say since you will no doubt be responsible for the care of the children. It's only fair that you know where the money is going. I suggest you sit down with your partner and talk it over calmly. Get all the facts, who owns what and what is in who's name. If you are getting married this might be a good time for some changes. Seriously, try to get this sorted before you get married or it might just eat away at your relationship.

N0help4u · Apr 9, 2008, 03:50 PM

Since it was in the divorce agreement that she gets the car I don't think his mother can take the car back but they COULD stop paying the car payments, car insurance and school loans
IF that is not a part of the agreement.
They can also take her back to court for non payment of child support.
She is getting away with highway robbery if you ask me.

twinkiedooter · Apr 9, 2008, 04:32 PM

Apparently he is still babying his ex wife from the sounds of it. He kept letting her leave and taking her back. She is not much of a mother if you ask me. As stated above, if it is not in any of the divorce settlement papers as to him paying for the car insurance or paying for the student loan - then I would suggest stop footing the bill for this. He may have let her keep the car but does it specifically say who should pay for it? If he is not court ordered to pay for it I would suggest ceasing that bill as well.

I also agree that she should not be left off the hook for child support. I am still scratching my head about all the mothers who just dump their kids on other people and pay nothing. To me that is worse than a man walking away from his kids.

You say that he is a wonderful man. Although I have not met him I am sure he is a wonderful person. Problem is he keeps getting taken for a ride by this woman and does not know how to say NO and mean it. You will have to sit down with him and tell him how she keeps pushing his buttons financially using him as a crutch and that it really bothers you that even though he is not married to her he seems to be treating her like a wife. Or if you can't bring yourself to talk to him about this, try and get another male who has a level head and have them try to reason with him about how to treat her like an EXwife!

lrobertson · Apr 10, 2008, 08:00 PM

Thank you all for your answers!! Its just hard talking to him about it soemtimes I would wonder if it was even my place or if I was just being "y" about the whole deal, I just think its driving me crazy at this point! He put up such a fight about my ex paying his child support but he is so different when it comes to her

Fr_Chuck · Apr 10, 2008, 08:15 PM

If it is not the car it will be something till the kids are grown and some things for years latter, my ex and I get along but out kids are 30 and we still have to talk about some things for them.

So this lady will be part of his life ( a little part) forever basically. But they can drag each other back and forth into court till the kids are 18, and may have to. So there will be drama for ever, but that is what divorced people have and step parents get into

lrobertson · Apr 11, 2008, 06:15 AM

I am the oldest of five children, my dad and three girls and remarried a woman the two kids ( a daughter and a son) I have basically lived through it my whole life but my parents ex's weren't I nthe strory hardly ever, only when they felt the need to cause trouble, I do not want the same for my three ( I refer to the boys as mine as well because they pretty much have been for the last year... I could care less about birth and DNA) I would just love for her to give them to me and let me be there mother, but I think if she is going to be in and out she should have to accept some responsibility, highway robbery is a good way to put it. He is a wonderful man, he has also accapted my daughter as one of his own and he came into my life when I needed that special commitment. We have been through allot and I just want this part to go away too...

Bluerose · Apr 11, 2008, 10:18 AM

No matter how you look at it this situation is not going to go away. Perhaps it would be better if you could accept that that side of things is his business and let him deal with it as he sees fit. But if I were you I would want to make sure anything I brought into the home like pay checks stayed there and worked for you lot and not her. Just be aware of what is going on and decide if you can deal with it without having much say in it. If you really care for him and the children you can make a life for yourselves, just keep it separate from the ex issues.