[Chameleon24]

I've posted about my break up already on here.(https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ng-199307.html)

Talking to people on here has helped me out a lot during these weeks after the break up. This past weekend I found out about how he's dating this girl who's his friend. I was initially upset, but by the end of that day I was almost laughing about it. I realized the message he sent me meant nothing. I gave up my feelings of wanting him back. He didn't care. His actions all seemed so childish and immature and now he's w/ a girl who's 8 years younger then him. She's still in high school and, from what I've seen, she acts her age. She's the kind of girl that he's been trying to stay away from. I felt better because in my head I figured she'll probably end up hurting him some day just like the others and he'll remember me. I was good to him but he lost me. Too bad, it's his mistake.

It made me feel so much stronger and better then him. It was easy to realize that there are so many better guys out there for me. My ex could have been honest w/ me for the break up and actually told me to my face. I still would have felt just as bad, but at least Id be able to look back at him as a somewhat decent guy who probably did care about me, just didn't feel the relationship was going anywhere. But no, he decided to send some stupid message that probably means nothing. Maybe he thought it was letting me down easy. And if he did mean ANY of what he put in it, he didn't do a good job of showing it.

Getting to my point, sorry I type so much... I felt really good when the weekend ended. I kept busy and when I would think of him w/ her I didn't mind. If he wants to go back down that road then fine... Im going down my own road and Im not looking back.
But then today I woke up feeling lousy. Real lousy. A random memory had popped into my head while I was at work. I have these things called "night terrors" sometimes where I wake up during the night in a state of panic and extreme fear. One time, about a month ago, it happened while I was at his place spending the night. I remember being scared but then realizing that he next to me and he had his arm around me and was telling me that everything was going to be OK and that I was safe. I don't know why I thought of it, but I suddenly started missing him again. I remembered how good he had always been to me during the relationship. How much he loved me. It was just so hard to believe that he could have broken up w/ me in such an uncaring and cruel way. He had never been that way towards me. Even our last time together, a few days before the break up... just the way he stared at me and smiled and still said I love you. What happened there?

I thought I was doing so well and feeling so strong... and now I feel like I went backwards. How could I miss him? How could I want him back after he did that to me? I realized this is common among most people on here who have gotten dumped and their hearts broken. We still want them back and miss them, even after they've been horrible to us. Why do we feel this way?

I understand that it's just hard and it's going to take me some time. I'm not giving up on myself. I still don't plan on wasting my time crying in my room for him. I know I'll stay strong. I just don't get why we start to make progress then get shot down again.

[jamimama]

I'm really sorry.

I'm no expert, but this is what I'd tell a friend: Yes, there was good stuff there. And it's nice to be comforted, but there was also bad stuff. It will take time, but down the road, you will find that sort of comfort from another person who won't go for some girl who's 8 years younger. Someone who can comfort you and respect you. And you'll realize that the good things about him weren't unique to him. There are plenty of great people out there who will treat you the way you need to be treated.

I know it's no consolation, but I'm sorry. It's OK to miss him.

[losingit77]

Jamima is so right. Its OK to miss him! That's what I keep telling myself. One minute I'm doing great and feeling good about myself and then a memory comes into my head and I start to feel down and sad... and then I get angry at myself for being sad. But you know what, its OK to be sad now and then. Its OK to miss him! It shows you're human... you have feelings... and it'll get better. It will be a roller coaster for a little while of good times and bad but its OK. The first week of my break up I set aside 10-20 minutes a day where I allow myself to cry, I mean really really cry, punch pillows, wallow, whatever. Just get it all out of my system. It feels good, it's a release. And then when I'm done I look myself in the mirror and think "what the heck am I doing....I'm still here, I'm still alive, I'll be fine" and then I am. It helps. And now I haven't felt the need to cry in 2 days.

[talaniman]

Your feelings are so normal after the pain of your break up, we all get that (the hard way, like you will) just stay with NC, it works with time.

[Chameleon24]

After a little more than a month has gone by I feel that I've improved a lot. I feel like I'm doing so much better, but I hate when I get those little random down moments and I start overthinking everything all over again. I didn't really get out much this past weekend so that's probably why this "thinking" came up again. I've been feeling a little depressed which is why I'm typing this... I'm sure 10 minutes after I post this I'll feel fine again.

I still maintain NC. I haven't tried contacting and I honestly don't really want to. I have nothing to say to him, so I'm finding NC very easy. I haven't heard from him either, obviously. I slipped up a little on Saturday and went to his Facebook, but nothing had changed on there since I last saw it a couple of weeks back (He rarely does anything on it). But I was still mad at myself for even going there in the first place. I guess a small part of me hoped to see that maybe he wasn't with that girl anymore. It's funny... I don't want him back, but I want them to break up. It seems mean to say, but she just bugs the hell out of me now.

I don't understand that... how could someone break up with somebody, somebody they were in love with and claimed they really cared about, then two weeks later already be in a relationship with someone else? I can't even see how that's possible? I could maybe understand starting to date again that soon, but to already claim someone as their girlfriend?? I still wonder whether she was the real reason for the break up or if he just jumped to her because he didn't want to be alone. Or maybe she always liked him and once I was gone she just moved in. I keep telling myself that I shouldn't even care, it doesn't really matter how or why it happened, I shouldn't waste time thinking about it.

I think I still want him to call me. I don't want him back and I don't really want to talk to him, I think it'll just make me happy to see him make some sort of attempt and I'll just ignore him. I guess I just want him to know that I can survive and be happy without him.
Yet sometimes I feel like I'm struggeling at this weird point. I don't want to be in a relationship right now, but I can't help but want someone. I miss having someone hold me. I miss waking up next to someone. I miss getting little random texts during the day that say a simple 'i love you' or 'i miss you' or just 'hope you have an awesome day.'

My single friend, who broke up w/ her first a few months back, and I were discussing the positives of being single. We realized that it sucks when we're out with friends and they all have someone. Or how everything on TV or in the media seems to focus so much on the 'couple'. We tried looking at the little things that would annoy us about relationships. My friend pointed out that she feels less stressed now being single as opposed to when she was with her guy. She has more time to focus on other things going on in her life. We both felt that we were "blinded by love" and now everything seems so clear. We're able to look back on the relationships and actually look at our ex's for who they were as people and realize there's better out there. These guys who we thought were so 'amazing' aren't all that great. They both had huge egos, and now looking back it just seems kind of sad and annoying to us... Kind of like "what did I ever see in him?" Yes, there are positives in them too... looking at my ex I could probably make a pretty good list of things I admired about him and maybe still do. I just got to remember that it wasn't meant to be.

This is soooo long and I'm sure no one will read. I just felt like getting this stuff down and out there. It makes me feel better. When I think about this stuff I realize I keep thinking about it until I write it all down. Kind of like I'm just letting it all go. Sometimes I feel bad getting depressed about this stuff when I see some of the things that go on in this world, even with people I know. Nobody should ever have to feel that a break up is the end of the world. It's just the ending of the a chapter in your life and the beginning of a new one.
I have a concert tonight that I've been looking forward to all month. I hope it cheers me up and Im sure it'll bring me out of this funk. I'm already starting to feel a lot better.