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RussellandLeyla · Mar 29, 2008, 06:24 AM

My ex-wife and I have been divorced for 10 yrs. Our daughter just turned 12 years old and now my ex-wife is telling her that she does not have to come and visit me and my family if she doesn't want to. I only get to see her every other weekend as it is. I didn't even get to see her on her birthday because her mother told her that she could have a sleepover if she stayed there instead of coming to my house. I am going to court in June to plead my case in front of a judge, what can I do to spend time with my daughter before then?

ScottGem · Mar 29, 2008, 06:30 AM

Not much. If you have court ordered visitation you have to get the court to enforce it. You can try seeing if the police will accompany you to pick up your daughter and enforce the order, but they usually don't get involved.

And you have another issue. If the daughter doesn't want to spend time with you, do you really want to force her to?

Fr_Chuck · Mar 29, 2008, 06:43 AM

I am sorry there is little you can do except document everything the mother is doing.
Or of course offer to do more and better things when she comes to visit.
I don't agree with doing it, but if a sleep over bought her out,?

RussellandLeyla · Mar 29, 2008, 07:26 AM

OK, here's my situation. I have a 12 year old daughter, her mother and I have been divorced for 10 years, I remarried 5 years ago and have a 7 year old son also. I have joint custody with ex-wife being custodial parent. I see my daughter every other weekend, every spring break, holidays, etc. My daughter gets along great with step-mom and step-brother and enjoys being with us when she is here. My ex-wife is now telling my daughter that she doesn't have to come up to visit if she doesn't want to and is scheduling sleepovers with friends and other things when it is my time to have her. When she is here, she calls numerous times and asks her is she is OK, making her feel bad if she is having a good time and makes her feel as if she shouldn't be enjoying herself. Now, my daughter tells me that she loves me and doesn't want to come up and spend time with me and my family. I have tried to talk to my daughter about what is going on, but her mother tells her that I am trying to take her away from her and that her step-family is not important even though they have been part of her life for 9 years. I am going to court in June representing myself, because I can not afford an attorney, I would truly appreciate any advice.

talaniman · Mar 29, 2008, 07:30 AM

You may have a legal leg to stand on in court, but if you haven't developed a relationship with your daughter, and don't know how she feels in all this, then you better take the time, and effort to find out, before you put her in a position to resent your actions. Her needs are what's important. If you and your wife are using her for some kind of power play, Shame on you both. Talk to your daughter, before you talk to a lawyer.

bushg · Mar 29, 2008, 07:38 AM

Try to get into counseling with your doaughter. Explain to her that you love her and want to make sure that everything is OK between you two. Look in your area and call a few places. Soemtimes they have sliding fee scales.http://www.beechacres.org/main/ I am posting this page so that maybe you could look for a similar center in your area or close to you. Groups like this offer a wide range of support for the family and can also get you into contact for father support groups.
I will add that it is a sad day when one parent tries to interfere in the relationship of the other parent. I hope everything works out.

Username Here · Mar 29, 2008, 07:38 AM

She is breaching the custody agreement by not allowing you time at the weekends. As far as what she's doing about making your daughter feel bad about enjoying it at your house, its her mother being childish.

You need to talk to her, just say that you won't say anything to your daughter about her(mother) and in turn you would like her to do the same, because it has a negative affect on your relationship with your daughter and you love her because she's your child.

If she wants to organise sleepovers during your time with your daughter, then you need to be a part of the decision and talk with your daughter to make sure its your daughters choice and not the mothers.

Its always a horrible situation to be in, Its not good for the child to be caught between parents so you need to try and talk with the mother and get her to understand you aren't interested in trying to hurt her(mother) you just want the best, and as stress-free situation for your daughter.

Best of luck! Hope this helped,
Louis.

mbskng54 · Mar 29, 2008, 07:39 AM

Originally Posted by RussellandLeyla

My ex-wife and I have been divorced for 10 yrs. Our daughter just turned 12 years old and now my ex-wife is telling her that she does not have to come and visit me and my family if she doesn't want to. I only get to see her every other weekend as it is. I didn't even get to see her on her birthday because her mother told her that she could have a sleepover if she stayed there instead of coming to my house. I am going to court in June to plead my case in front of a judge, what can I do to spend time with my daughter before then?

http://custodial parents rights petition

Check this link out. My ex-daughter-in-law pulled the same stunt last weekend with my 12 year old grandson. Be consistent with the visitations. We're pretty sure that the ex bribed my grandson too.

Curlyben · Mar 29, 2008, 11:11 AM

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ScottGem · Mar 29, 2008, 02:46 PM

When you go back to the court I would ask them to order mediation counseling. Get the three if you in one room and let the counselor sort it out. If the mom is interfering with your relationship the counselor should be able to tell and then let the daughter know how she should deal with mom.