[Destro3000]

So I came on this board a few months ago a few months after me and my girlfriend of 5 years broke up. I broke up with her (for stupid reasons, mostly I needed to fix myself).. and she spent a few weeks wanting me back.. I felt really guilty. I wanted to come back to her at 100%.

A few weeks later, she said she found someone else randomly, but it wasn't expected to go very far. They've been together for 3 months now.

So I buckled and told her I still loved her (which I do) and wanted to try again... she said no.. not right now...

Then we tried to remain friends... but it was very painful for me... and for some reason, she started hating me more and more, telling everyone that I wasn't that great of a boyfriend, and doubting everything I say or do (im not a liar, even when the truth incriminates me).

We haven't talked in about a month... and I miss her a lot. I love her so much and know that we could fix this... but she's building a wall between us. NC seems to be making everything worse. We've been broken up for about 6 months now, and I miss her everyday and want to be with her.

Ive tried the whole moving on thing.. ive listened to friends and family (and her) and read all of the guides... im even seeing a therapist for these issues... nothing is working. She's been part of my life for 9 years now (best friend) and my girlfriend for 5 (we would have hit 6 this july)... ive admitted to my mistakes, she to hers... we could have worked on it... but everyday seems to make the void bigger.

I know there's not much I can do to get her back.. its her call... I just don't know what to do anymore.

[Leonstryfe]

We all make mistakes... and I know it hurts considering you've been together for a long time now. I know you're wishing things could somehow end up differently... but by doing so... you're not really solving anything. She is with another person now... and if you keep thinking about her... it's going to hurt you. 6 months is a long time man. Stop putting yourself in pain's way. From my own experience, and I realized this based on my situation as well. If someone (our ex) finds another person, you become chop liver. They want nothing to do with you, no association, nothing. And the more you try to push etc, the more they'll just get angry at you and hurt you further. I tried to do the same thing you did and I just got hurt badly... I got hit with words I never thought I would hear from her... like I was a bad boyfriend etc etc. Get her off your mind man... if you keep trying, you'll hrut even more... I know NC makes you feel like hope is gone... that's what its supposed to do! Hope = hurt... Don't expect... that's why move on.

[ISneezeFunny]

I see that you say you've tried NC... but I don't see any evidence of it.

What have you done to make yourself busy or feel better? Have you been moping around all day... or have you actually called up your friends, picked up a hobby, started volunteering, etc?

NC means no contact, yes... but if you sit in a room not contacting her, it'll drive you insane... I know. I've done it. I sat in a room for about a week after my ex and I broke up and I thought I was going to go crazy.

Get out there. Meet up with some friends. Go pick up a new hobby. Do something.

[Mom of 2]

Keep talking to as many positive people you can about this. Time is the only healer in this. You may not believe it now, but it will get easier. Work on yourself. Someone else should only be able to add to your life, not take anything away from it. Stay busy. There is no magic pill that you can take to make the pain go away. This may sound odd, but you really have to experience the pain before you can heal. If you don't experience the pain, then the healing can't start. Learn from your experience.

Keep moving forward. Wishing for something that will never happen will only prolong the agony. Be realistic about what is happening or what is not happening. Believe me, you will get through this. Most, if not all of us, have been through this at least once, if not MANY times. We are still existing, moving forward and learning from our experiences and so will you. Keep the faith. You will get there, too!!

[talaniman]

I just don't know what to do anymore.

After the break up of such a long relationship, you can expect the healing to be long and slow. It was a very big part of your life, and will take a lot of work, and time, to adjust and rebuild. Click on the links in my signature, to see what can be done by you, to help through this difficult time, and let me know if any of it applies to your situation.

[Destro3000]

Well my details in here were scarce, but I HAVE been out there, hanging out with friends, going to school (trying to rebuild my law school average, cause it plummeted this year with all this)... going out, reading, doing a bunch of stuff.. I haven't only been moping around. Certain people are telling me I've been doing progress... I just don't feel it... cause when it comes down to it, I only think about her... and us. I know there's still something there, but this lack of communicatyion is not helping (and I know that's the point, its just hard to swallow when I really believe in this... and I'm not usually a positive guy... I always think everything will screw up).

As for the new, I know from what she's been telling people that he's not "the one"... he just makes her "feel good"... almost like he's a drug to her... and I know they started sleeping together really quickly... (I know that shouldn't matter, but I guess I'm pretty immature on that point)... I can't even think of being with anyone else...

But thanks everyone (I have been reading all those links talaniman, thanks)... im just not ready to give up on us yet, if I want to be honnest with myself.

[talaniman]

But thanks everyone (I have been reading all those links talaniman, thanks)... im just not ready to give up on us yet, if I want to be honest with myself.

Don't look at it as giving up, but acceptance, and being proactive in building a life without her in it.

[confused25]

But thanks everyone (i have been reading all those links talaniman, thanks)...im just not ready to give up on us yet, if i want to be honnest with myself.

I understand where you're coming from. After my break-up I stayed very busy but the thoughts of her just wouldn't go away, in fact she is still very much on my mind and its been 3 months. It can be very aggravating, but you just have to stay on the course. Things will eventually get better.

One other thing, and this is important. You say you don't want to give up on the relationship, but why are you torturing yourself when its clear that she already gave up on you? Doesn't sound fair to me.

[Destro3000]

You're right... it doesn't sound fair. But I know her, and that's how she is. I know there's probably something there, and until she realises it, or is able to convince me otherwise, I'm not giving up on us. It means too much to me... no matter how much time has passed.

[Mom of 2]

It is apparent, and it is your right, that you are going to do whatever it is you are going to do in regard to this situation. However, you are going to continue to torture yourself and it is going to take even longer to get over this heartache the more that you are in denial, which is the stage that you are in. If there is something there between the two of you, why hasn't she called you? Why hasn't she indicated in some way that she wants to be with you? Why is she with another guy? No, he might not be "the one" and most likely he is a rebound guy, but she is with him and not with you. If you want to be honest with yourself, you need to think in realistic terms and not what you hope for. Both individuals have to want it, and I have to say that from you have told us, she has moved on. Sorry if you feel that I am being overly critical and severe, but you need to hit bottom and come back to reality in order to heal and move on.

[Destro3000]

I don't feel this is critical NOR severe. It reflects what everyone says. But I still don't think it's too crazy to hope... whether it hurts me or not... ive already hit bottom (trust me)... but this is as high as I'm willing to go.

She says this new guy makes her feel good about herself... but she's pretty much basing this on an apparent fixation she has to vilainise me (everyone around her has been telling her that what she's saying is a gross exageration of my actions and the way we were).

Last time we saw each other, she (admitedly) almost came back. She said she moved on... but I don't accept that... it was far too fast and sudden. Even she said that we could patch things up one day...

Yes, I'm aware that that window has closed now (to her)... but she's a major part of my life and I really want to fix this.. I miss her.. not only as a companion... but as my best friend and as a person.

[talaniman]

It is for your benefit to heal from this break up, enough to make decisions for yourself based in facts, and not just emotions, or in your case what she and others have told you. See reality, and deal with it for what it is. Not what you want it to be. No contact and time, can do that for you.

[Destro3000]

But hope and emotions aren't necessarilly wrong, nor are they mutually exclusive with facts and reality. Not everything is black or white... and time is just an easy answer... and I refuse to give up on something that is very important to me..

On the other hand... I HAVE respected her wishes and I'm not actually contacting her. If she ever wants to talk to me, she's aware of how to do so.

It's just really difficult that after 9 years of always being there for each other, it took her a few weeks to give up on everything and find the first guy who showed up.

[Destro3000]

And to answer the question that is on its way: yes.. im very bitter right now.

[talaniman]

I think we all know that. We all mourn differently.

[Destro3000]

Thanks all.