[Rdyson]

Hello,

So here goes. I was in a 5 year relationship with a wonderful person. He loved me and I loved him. We danced together, salsa. We even had a dog. Life was good, I was happy, there was no other person who would have turned my head. But something changed. I have always been interested in ballroom dance. At one point I was going to be an instructor but fate intervened and I got a masters instead. I though to myself that with a masters I would be able to then dance ballroom as I would be able to afford it or at least be able to take a lesson or two. I have always dreamed of dancing, been obsessed if you will. I would even feel sad when I saw dancing on TV and I wasn't the one dancing. From time to time I would scrape up enough to take a lesson or two and then use the gym at school to practice on my own. Up and down the basketball court I would go practicing rumba walks. I even set up a page on a dance partner search website. Well, eventually I found one. At first it was great. I had a great relationship with my x and I also was fulfilling my dream of dance and I had a job in the field I had been trained in. For a brief period I was as happy as they come.

Then things changed, my head was turned. This sent me into an up roar emotionally. I tried to talk myself out of it. I spent countless hours on the phone with a dear friend. I found reasons to not be attracted to him. This went on for months. I described the crush I had on my dance partner as a cancer that was eating away at me and my relationship. My realtionhsip was still strong and steady alothough we had never been hot and heavy even when I first met him. It was always a slowly, steady, loving fire. There was comfort and love. I never told. I thought about my options. After months of increaseing emotional tailspinning I decided to move out to give myself space and to not cheat emotionally anymore.

At first this was great. I had some space and I explored my emotions. We fit wonderfully. We both work hard at dance, fall into each other's arms, etc... He is really a great person too. Anyway, as time pasted and after I let my ex know about my dance partner and I, I went crazy. I miss my ex. I think about him everyday. I also and in love with my dance partner. I am in love with both of them! I love my ex more because he is well, him. There is another problem. I love dance and my dance partner represents that life in dance too. What do I do. I had a competition today and we did wonderful. As soon as I step off the floor I think, "am I trading in a perfectly beautiful relationship for dance and my dance partner who is great too. My dance partner has different qualities and not all of those of my ex. I am not even sure my ex wants me back. Who would really.

I have also quite dancing and my dance partner 3 times now. I have always come back and now my dance partner will not take no for an answer because he knows I will come back. I have sort of been juggling the both of them because I still see my ex and then I see my dance partner. I had kept them separate as far as intimacy goes until recently. I don't know what to do. Do I choose a life of dance and my dance partner or do I go back to my steady, strong, good looking, sincere ex and dance socially. I am crazy help. I have been going through this emotional hell for about a year now.

[JBeaucaire]

You love two men. That's no great accomplishment, love comes naturally. You don't have to do much but be near someone for love to spark. Don't kick yourself for loving more than one person, it's very common.

You love two life goals. That's not surprising either. Everyone could probably list their top 2-3 career loves and the one they ended up with, which might not even be one of their original 2-3 choices.

So what do you do now? Being an adult means making choices between things you like/love and then not belly-aching about what that ultimately requires of you. That's what you do. Picture yourself 5 years from now looking back. Where do you need to be standing career-wise to be happy looking back over the next 5 years?

Also, it appears the choice you make isn't about the guys, it's about the dance or job and the choice you make means you will settle with the guy in that area? Is that accurate?