[Sarah48375]

Hi my name is Sarah, and I'm new to the site.

My daughter is 6. She has always been ahead. When she started first grade things changed. The city I live in redistricted, and Alyssa got switched into a new school.
She became distracted, behind, angry, and her confidence dropped. She hates school. She tells me that she wants to be sick, so she can stay home. She cries at school because she misses me. She has tummy aches a lot.

She loved Kindergarten. She liked writing, but now she's behind in writing. We work on it at home, but she doesn't want me to help her sound out words. She could spell many of these word in Kindergarten, but now has forgotten how to spell them in first grade. Alyssa is reading at a second grade level, but we constantly struggle and work on math.

I volunteer in the classroom on Mondays, but the parents actually have to sit in the hallway. When I peek in the room, Alyssa seems to be paying attention. However, her teacher sent home a note that said Alyssa was oblivious to what goes on around her. Which shocked and infuriated me.

I've had meeting with the school, teacher, but nothing changes. Her teacher had the nerve to tell me that Alyssa must have had one hell of a summer vacation. I have no idea what to do from here.

I've put Alyssa on the list to go back to her old school. We have school of choice. I just don't know what to do for the rest of this year.

[ISneezeFunny]

First, you have to find out what the problem is... is it her friends? Perhaps the teacher? Overall, it just sounds like something's bothering her at school that's affecting all these things.

Secondly, perhaps you can speak to her guidance counselor (do they have those in elementary schools?) and see if he/she can talk to your daughter. It does seem a bit ridiculous for the teacher to make assumptions about your daughter.

Does she do any after school activities? Some activities may increase her confidence level and self esteem and therefore let her perform better in other aspects of her life. Perhaps you can also ask her if she wants a tutor... quite possibly a high school/college student.

[Sarah48375]

Alyssa does dance and guitar lessons. In the summer she also take horse back riding lessons. The truth is she is very confident outside of school. I've tried talking to her, and she'll talk to be about everything. Except for one thing. She never wants to talk about her friend Michael. He has a temper and tells her who she can and cannot play with when they play together. She really likes playing with him and will tell her other friends they can't play with them because he says so. I have seen him do some strange things, but I can't stop her from playing with him at school. I did have the teacher move her seat away from him, but they still play on reccess. That is the other reason we are switching school. Her school loops. They have the same teacher for first and second grade. I can't have her play with him for two years like this.

I have talked to the school counselor and the teacher several times. I am trying to figure out this problem, but I'm hitting a brick wall.

[ISneezeFunny]

Have you tried contacting Michael's parents?

[Sarah48375]

I haven't really thought of that. I mentioned it to her teacher, and she said that she moved her seat and won't let them sit together during circle time. She said that he has "issues," and there is nothing more she can do. I'm a young single mom. I also live in a wealthy community. The other parents don't exactly embrace me or anything I have to say.

[ISneezeFunny]

I would suggest talking to Michael's parents to find out what his "issues" are and why he won't let your daughter play with other kids during recess.

[Sarah48375]

Thanks for the advice.

[NowWhat]

First and foremost, you have to be your child's voice. My mother told me that once my child starts school, always be prepared to fight for her. Don't leave things up to administration to get handled. Work together with the school. Let them know that you are apart of the process. Don't let money or status get in the way of what is best for your child. You make yourself be heard!

You said your daughter is 6. When does she turn 7?

My daughter is in 1st grade. Some of the things (social) that she has dealt with this year shocked me. Just because I thought this stuff started happening around 5th or 6th grade - not first.
I was surprised at how much she was affected by all of this. She decided she didn't like school anymore, wanted to go to a private school, disconnected with the class, etc.
Why? A little girl - a friend - with "issues". A long story - but it sounds like you have the male version of this girl in my kid's class.

[Sarah48375]

She turns seven in June. I've decided to take the summer off. I'm going to spend the summer working with her on the things she fell behind on this year. I'm not sure where things went wrong, but I intend to fix them. This little boy is a nightmare. I have tried working with the school. They are not much help. The teacher won't give out phone numbers of other students, so I'm back to square one. I just want things to get easier for her. She seems so unhappy. It's sad really.

[ISneezeFunny]

Perhaps you can write a note/letter to the parents of the boy, put it in an envelope, give it to the boy yourself or have the school send the actual letter to the boy's parents.

[NowWhat]

I would continue to talk to the school. If you feel your child is harassed or bullied by this boy - the school needs to take action. If they are reluctant - stay on them.

I would have your daughter meet with the school counselor. It is a resource that I think many forget about (I did). Use it. It is available to you and your daughter. You should just be able to contact the school and ask that your child meet with the counselor. You should also be able to speak to the counselor and let him/her know what your concerns are and see if they can help. Also, since we are getting to the end of the year - talk to the principal about making sure these two do not have the same class next year - you don't want a repeat.

You can send a note in addressed to the boy's parents. Seal the envelope and ask that it go home with the child. It shouldn't be a problem. My daughter gets things all the time - like invitations, so why would this be any different.

Your daughter is young for first grade - has the teacher talked to you about her academic maturity? Is holding her back a possibility? Would you even be interested? Do you think she would benefit from it?
I also have experience with this - I can tell you my story if it is something you are interested in. Holding your child back is a hard choice and it may or may not be an option for your daughter. Just thought I would put it out there.

Social issues really can affect their school lives. Before my daughter and this other girl clashed - school was great, she loved it. She is at the top of her class. Then one day the other girl got mad and threatened to stab my daughter with her scissors. We stepped in real quick.
We told my daughter that she is NOT to associate with this kid. But it is hard because they are in the same class, eat together, have recess together, same bus, even go to the same after school care. It got really difficult for my child because this other kids is great at manipulation and my daughter ended up being the one playing alone in the corner.
We had to go to a plan B - because she was so out of sorts over it all.
Luckily we have a teacher that works with us and it is getting better.
But I know what it is like having a child come home and say she hates school, has no friends, hates her life, etc. She is 7 - why does she have to deal with this? Everything should be wonderful in life, right?
One child has hindered my daughter's education. We have had to act fast - but tread lightly. How do you keep a child away from yours when you aren't around to police it? They won't let you sit in class with your kid. :) It is a difficult balance.

Just continue to communicate with the school. Don't let them brush you off.

[macgould10]

I'm actually an elementary school teacher that has taught first grade in the past. I may be able to give you some insight on some of the information that you've been receiving from the teacher and school.

The first thing, about this boy "Michael"... A teacher stating that the boy has "issues" is her way of saying is that she's well aware of the problem. Your child probably isn't the only one who has had problems with him in the past. I can almost guarantee you that other children have complained to their parents about his behavior in and outside of the classroom, and have in turn complained to the teacher. Teachers are very limited at what to do with unruly children in the classroom. You can move their seat, separate them from others, and make phone calls home but that's about it. If a child has ongoing behavior problems, administration is really suppose to step in (that includes the school counselor). The school counselor is really the one you want to keep on top of. It's her job to make sure that kids feel safe and accepted in school.

Your teacher/the school would be crossing the line by giving out Michael's phone number to you. I wouldn't suggest putting the note in Michael's bookbag either. Like I said before, I can almost guarantee you that the teacher has been in touch with Michael's parents. Hopefully his parents are involved enough to be working with the school on his behavior. Michael's parents may not appreciate your attempt to establish communication with them. They may take it as an attack on their child, and get immediately defensive (believe me, I've seen it before).

Now onto another topic... reading between the lines on your original post, it seems as though you are not happy with your daughters teacher. You were "infuriated" when the teacher claimed your child was oblivious during class, and how the teacher said something to effect of your daughter having "one hell of a summer vacation". That tells me you don't really care for her teacher. How you expressed your dislike of your daughter's teacher while your daughter was in earshot? If so, your child might be playing the part a little. Children like to make their parents happy, and if a child knows that their mommy doesn't like the teacher, they may feel obligated to not like their teacher as well. This can cause both their academic performance and their attention to suffer. It also sounds like your daughter stays pretty busy. Did you continue to have her read, write and work on her math over the summer? Parents often don't realize how much their children lose over the summer. The reading, writing, and math skills that your daughter acquired in kindergarten were all new skills. The saying "use it or lose it" is correct when made in reference to elementary school students. I have seen children regress greatly over the summer when little time is spent on academics. This regression can lead to academic problems throughout the school year.
Switching schools can also cause academic problems in children. Unfortunately different schools have different expectations as what is seen as acceptable. A child that is seen as doing great can go to another school and be viewed as behind because the new school has higher expectations of their children. I work at a school whose expectations of children are higher than most of the schools in the area. Children that come new to my school often suffer from a learning curve, and are often seen as behind. Fortunately though, the majority of them begin to meet our expectations after a few months of being at our school.

There is no simple answer as to what's wrong with your daughter (being an outsider looking in). It could be Michael, the teacher, the school, the curriculum, your daughter, or her hell of a summer (calm down, it's a joke). It might be a little of all of these things. What you can do is to continue to let your daughter know that you love her, you support her, and that together you will make it through the year. Remember, what doesn't kill her will only make her stronger. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck. : )

[Sarah48375]

Actually, Alyssa wrote and read a lot over the summer. I think the difference is that Alyssa's Kindergarten teacher didn't focus on spelling in writing. She mainly focused on the getting their ideas out. Alyssa's main trouble is the vowel sounds... this year she seems to mix them up. However, if I make her sound them out and help her break it down, she does fine.

Math was never pushed in kindergarten. I didn't even know what to work on in that area. However, we are work on math fact, and she has a great memory. That's why she is so great at reading.

I wish teachers would be more specific about what needs to be done at home. All Alyssa gets sent home is a math page.

I have never talked about Alyssa's teacher in front of her. She likes her teacher and thinks she likes her. She thinks it's boring. I have had to sit her down a few times and talk to her about it.

I suppose I don't like her teacher. She is so negative all the time.

[NowWhat]

As I have said, my daughter is in 1st grade. Her homework consists of 2 math pages, study her spelling words for the week and read the story of the week.
All that is actually sent home are the math pages.

For summer time, I would recommend getting a "getting ready for 2nd grade" workbook. We have gotten these and they are great. A page or to a day really helps them from forgetting what they learned.