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tboette · Feb 2, 2006, 01:20 PM

My oldest son is 18 almost 19 years old. He went to DJJ for breaking into several homes in our neighborhood. My son is very smart maybe too smart. After he was in DJJ for a couple of months they sent him to the Mental Hospital where he was diagnosed with Bipolar. He came home after being in a couple of group homes when he turned 17. Everyone (especially me) had very high expectations for my son. It seemed as though he really wanted a chance to make up for things because he wanted to go back to school, get a good job and get his own place. For a little while it was working until he started hanging with his old friends and the new ones he made were not good. Eventually, around Christmas we had to ask him to leave because his influence on my other younger children was not good (smoking around them, cussing etc.). Not too long ago, my best friend offered him a job working with her Husband which was so great or so we thought. With the job he also had a place of his own, a ride to work and a wonderful job. It all ended when he chose to let his druggy friend who he felt sorry for move in with him to split the bills. After only two weeks of them working with my best friends husband jewelry was stolen from a customers house and both of them were fired immediately and kicked out. Now Alan is living with this guy and his family and they are all bad drug addicts. Alan doesn't want to live with any of his family because he can't do what he pleases. The only time he ever calls me is when he needs something. I think my son is self medicating his disease by doing hard drugs like Morphine, Crack and Pot. He stopped taking his MEDS almost as soon as he got out of the hospital. Is there anything more I can do?? I believe I have done everything possible. I am just so tired. Any advise would be great. Also, I have told my son that I would like for him to willingly admit himself back into the hospital but he refuses. He says if they couldn't help him in 3 years they can't help him now. The hospital will not admit him unless I feel he is a danger to himself (in other words he has to SAY he doesn't want to live).:eek:

fredg · Feb 2, 2006, 02:22 PM

Hi, tboette,
I am so sorry to read about this. I am 64 yrs old, married 28 yrs, and have 3 grown children, (1 of them married), and thank goodness, did not have any problems such as this.
I believe you have done all you can. If your son is really into drugs, then usually the only person who can help him is himself. He has to want help, and until that happens, there isn't much more you can do.
I was divorced after my 1st 7 yrs of marriage, now remarried. My first wife's brother was a lot like your son. Finally, at 17 or 18, they told him to leave. I won't go into all the "weird" stories, and what went on in their home with him.
But, they had to "let him go", find his own way with his drugs and drug friends.
Would you believe now, 35 yrs later, that same son is doing well, living without drugs!!
All you can do is pray for him (if you pray), and hope for the best. Please don't feel "guilty" about all this, because you are not the cause.
I do wish you the very best, and eventually, hopefully, all will turn out OK.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 2, 2006, 02:36 PM

Most likely there is nothing you can do, unless he wants help and is willing to go get help.

You could speak to an attorney and see about having him forcably committed if you can prove he is a danger to either hisself or to someone else.
But it is not done lightly plus most states do not have good mental health faclities. So unless you can afford to pay for his treatment ( or he has health insurance to pay for it) what happens ** this is from Ga info** They would take him in, get him medicated and he is then "well" so they have to release him, but he is not really abel to be on his own.
Sadly what you are telling me is the same story I saw 100's of times on the streets of Atlanta. People in the mental health for a few weeks or months, back to the steets for a few months or year or two and back again.

Until he is ready to kick the drugs or spends more time in jail to get clean, there is no much a parent can do.

As a parent, serving time was the best thing that ever happened to one of my kids, they finally got off drugs, got some help they needed and knew they did not want to go back to jail after it was all over.

But even that does not help many.

talaniman · Feb 2, 2006, 08:24 PM

As you see there are a lot of us parents who still worry about our kids when they grow up and leave the house,and whether they do good or bad we still feel we have to watch over them,My advice is for you to not feel guilty and give your wayward son tough love because he is at an age to make his own choices and suffer his own consequenses.All we can do is pray for him but we must go on with our lives as there are others who need our attentions.I know that it will be hard but it is absolutely essential to your own wellbeing to cut him loose and concentrate on the everyday tasks at hand and take care of the rest of your family!Good luck we all pray for you!:cool: