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len21 · Mar 16, 2008, 04:14 PM

Well all I can say is breaking up is hard and espesically when you are the person getting dumped, two months ago my b/f broke up with me in a bar, I felt like my whole world was over! When we were together I was not the nicest girlfriend and he was constantly running around after me and always wanted to be with me but I was opposite I loved him but not as much as he did me and I toatly took him for granted thinking that he would always put up with it I guess. So after we broke up I was gutted and could not believe it, I started to get over it but eventually saw him once when we were both drunk and went home together and have been on and off sleeping together since which I know is so dumb but can't help it, I so crave being with him now I can't have him anymore and I guess in a way he is just using me. Now I am having some serious thoughts about trying to get him back even though it is probably for the wrong reasons I just miss having him love me the way he did and am afraid I won't get that again. I have been going out and doing heaps with friends and have been on dates and don't have any trouble meeting guys but it just seems like I am comparing them all to my ex...

Please help, should I try and get back with him?

Marriedguy · Mar 16, 2008, 05:10 PM

I don't think you can get back together. It least you know that you should not be sleeping with him. If you was interested in getting back with him you should have pursue that avenue. However, you got into this sex buddy type of relationship. And these types of relationships rarely mature into meaning full ones.

Give him a call and apologize for the way you treated him and that you want to have another chance. If he says yes.. then you are where you want to be.

If he says No I rather not be in that type of relationship with you. Then you explain to him that you really don't want to continue sleeping with him. The sex was good and you enjoyed his company but you have to move on.

Follow the no contact rule, and lesson learned.

COOKIE MONSTER · Mar 16, 2008, 05:19 PM

how long were you together??

you should be on your own for awhile if your comparing other men to your x,it'll be agood thing for you to have abreak from the hole dating scene.
you have to learn to be happy and single before you can be happy in anew relationship.
if you just jump into another relationship so soon after you've just broken up your going to be on the rebound I think it would be best to wait awhile longer and learn to live without him before you can move on.

[[PLUS I think you need to have athink about why you treated him so badly!]]

did you say you was sorry to him for the way you treated him? That might be agood way to show him that you have realised how wrong you was to treat him that way,and it'll help you move on as well. I don't think you should try and get him back just tell him your sorry and see what happens.
I think you should stop sleeping together that's NOT going to help you get over him and move on.

youcantstop48 · Mar 16, 2008, 09:15 PM

The past is the past and I would say this is going to be thrown in you face how you treated him, plus he broke up with you and there is no sense in trying to get back with him cause your going to be doing is walking on egg shells the whole time...

ihatewestseneca · Mar 16, 2008, 09:29 PM

You had him and took him for granted... lesson learned. Sleeping with him now is only giving him the perfect relationship, boom boom without commitment. NC all the way.

All you can do is learn and try harder next time.

youcantstop48 · Mar 16, 2008, 09:30 PM

Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

boom boom without commitment

Lol, good one:D

JBeaucaire · Mar 16, 2008, 11:27 PM

You used each other, so don't bother trying to put that on him alone. It takes two to do the "under the sheets tango". You both have good old memories, but they're giving you false permission to act sleazy. You two clearly are no longer good for each other.

Start over with someone that you have no past with. Clean slate!

Of course you'll compare, so what? Everyone does that. Don't let it control you, make smart choices next time. Stop being sleazy, you're your own best chaperone on this point.

talaniman · Mar 17, 2008, 07:13 AM

You treated him less than good, he dumped you, and instead of moving on, you let him use you for sex. That is so brilliant. How about doing what you should have in the first place. Leave him alone, and get over him, and get a life. Not another relationship, but a real life.

len21 · Mar 17, 2008, 02:08 PM

Thank you so much for your comments everyone, its funny even though I knew all this I guess I just needed to be told once again that it will never be the same and what we are doing is stupid! It is hard because he tells me that he still loves me and I do think if I really wanted I could tell him I will change and be the girl he wants and he would take me back, but I don't think it is worth trying to be something I am not, it is so strange how regection works because the whole time we were together I never wanted to be with him as much as he wanted me and now the roles are completely reversed and I feel as if I have lost that control and it scares me...

I think I should stop the whole dating thing for a while because all I am doing is trying to replace what I lost but all the while am thinking about him.. I will start the no contact today, so if he texts or contacts me should I just ignore him? I feel like a if he is the one trying to speak to me and I ignore him because I have already hurt him enough I am sure he doesn't deserve it now as well...

ihatewestseneca · Mar 17, 2008, 02:25 PM

Originally Posted by len21

I think i should stop the whole dating thing for a while because all I am doing is trying to replace what i lost but all the while am thinking about him.. i will start the no contact today, so if he txts or contacts me should i just ignore him?? i feel like a if he is the one trying to speak to me and i ignore him because i have already hurt him enough i am sure he doesnt deserve it now aswell...

Good girl... I wish more women could realize that they need to be alone for awhile before they should start a new relationship.

Yes, ignore him, or tell him that NC is the best thing for you to help yourself get over him.

len21 · Mar 17, 2008, 05:29 PM

Wow! So I just found out that my ex has been sleeping with some other girl! Last time we were together he promiced me he wasn't and I believed him stupid me... anyway this is even more of reason to stop everything all together! But now all I want to do is contront him about it and let him know who horrible it is that he lied to me and let us continue on everything... would it be wrong to email should I just leave it?? I am just so mad and upset that he would lie to my face and even tell me he still loves me when he is doing that with someone else

COOKIE MONSTER · Mar 17, 2008, 05:32 PM

Just forget it you said you was going to start the no contact rule and you will be breaking the no contact rule by emailing him he's not worth it

ihatewestseneca · Mar 17, 2008, 05:56 PM

Let it go... I sent off an angry missile after finding out about my ex lying to me (and possibly cheating/def. emotional cheating) and I just got back more bs about how what she said didn't mean anything to him, and that she was just trying to give him a reason why she broke up with me... blah blah blah, BS.

Let it go, if you really want to write an email, write it here, but don't send it... in a month or so, you'll come back here, read the email and have a good laugh.

He's a lier and a cheater, don't waste your finger strength on him.

N0help4u · Mar 17, 2008, 06:14 PM

I hated how my ex took me for granted and I put up with it far too long... (for the kids sake)
I would never do it again.
All you can do is tell him you don't want to spend any more time with him in any way, shape or form until you and him can discuss things. Then when you have time to actually discuss things tell him you know you were wrong for taking him for granted and you love him tons and ask for a second chance.
As long as you just keep sleeping with him he is going to look at you like his little ho or something and he will never consider a relationship again.