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N0help4u · Mar 16, 2008, 11:01 AM

While some seem to take offense to some saying they wouldn't want a big women (or a big guy) I think the bigger issue is what some indicated to the ones who took offense that it isn't only about size but that everybody has there preference whether it be size, height, looks, social status etc...
So my guestion IS say you are single and looking for someone through the internet date sites.
Only that they have a personality that you like, some of their life story and that they say they work.
Could you---would you go out with somebody that you have been chatting with and you have no picture, no idea what they look like, no idea how much they weigh, no idea how tall they are and no idea how much money they make but their income is somewhere say between $30,thou and $50,thou ?

Or would you need at least a pic?
More info?

hollylovesbrandon · Mar 16, 2008, 12:35 PM

Well, my dad met a woman through the internet and had never seen her. She's about 5 foot 1 inch and weights over 230 lbs. anyway, they met because he liked her... they are now married for 3 years. My sister did the same thing, met a dude on the net never seen him, met him, liked him, moved in with him and they are now married and have 5 kids! What someone looks like should not matter. It's the connection.

N0help4u · Mar 16, 2008, 12:38 PM

True but it is interesting to see how many people actually feel they COULD be with somebody whose looks were totally everything opposite of what appealed to them.

hollylovesbrandon · Mar 16, 2008, 12:41 PM

Indeed, in today's society it's all about the looks and the money. I married my husband because he's an honest, decent, man. I'm not going to say his looks didn't have a part in it because I think he's the most beautiful man on the face of this earth. But I do think that if you love someone for who they are, then they become better looking and sexier to you in your mind.

N0help4u · Mar 16, 2008, 12:46 PM

I agree they become better looking when you love them cause a couple of my old bf's were nothing any other girl would find all that appealing and I can't say I am a great looking catch either. But I think everybody has their lines they draw somewhere with looks.

Synnen · Mar 16, 2008, 12:57 PM

Well, let's put it this way: I met my husband in person, and spent the first 6 months I knew him absolutely LOATHING him. He was a total jerk, that I had nothing in common with--who cares that he was cute?

My best friend, however, is engaged to a girl he met on the internet. More and more people are going that route, really---perhaps BECAUSE it levels the playing field a little. On the internet, it's almost a strike against you to be TOO good looking--because no one believes that it's actually you! Personality counts for more, and so does intelligence--because who would keep talking to someone who couldn't express themselves well through writing?

N0help4u · Mar 16, 2008, 01:02 PM

Yep TOO good looking can work against a person just as much and I know too well what you mean about the jerks that come in the nice appealing LOOKS package.

Marriedguy · Mar 16, 2008, 01:50 PM

No, if you mean "go out" like when are going out boyfriend and girlfriend.

Yes, if you mean "go out" as in the actually act of going on. Example: We will go out to eat

My online dating guide would be as following:

Get your online account, my nice profile included in a photo. Not a cheap web cam photo gets someone to take a nice snapshot of you. What you should be wearing is something that you would wear on a casual date. The photo should be a full body.

Forget get that match a compatibility thing. It's a stupid computer program that matches on fields you enter. There is no mathematically equation for finding a love one. You may be outgoing but doesn't necessarily mean that you can't have a great relationship with someone who isn't.

Personally, I'm only going to search for people that are with 20 miles of me, I suggest this. Think about you honestly willing to relocate across the country to date someone.

Start searching through the members and find someone that you are attracted to send him/her message. Tell the person you liked there profile, check my profile if think that we are match, reply. Rinse and repeat this! Eventually, you will get a reply. Keep the conversation casual don't pry too much. Leave stuff to talk about. Then after about 2-3 online chats, I'll ask if I could take this person out. I'll explain to this don't think of it has a date, because it's not this so we can meet. We can chat online forever and when we meet we find out there is no chemistry. Lets meet play pool or go out to eat.. on me and if we don't click, we walk away just friends.

During, this little meeting you will know if the chemistry is right you will be enjoying yourself and so will the other person. After the date you give the person your number and then give theirs and you start dating.

If you two don't have a connection, trust me you will know. Make the best out of the situation and when it's over send a person the message that it was nice meeting them but the chemistry wasn't there. Now, you two are friends. I would get online with a mail full of message telling then just went on a horrible dates, how was it going. I would also make first will the attractive women outstate because you never know.

Meet as soon as possible. I don't want to waste months of getting to know someone and have nothing come of the relationship because we don't have that initial I would like to date this person feeling.

I met some nice people online and actually miss them we I had to end friendship when I got into a serious relationship. I met my wife on AOL, New York City chat room.

N0help4u · Mar 16, 2008, 01:59 PM

The relocation across the country sounds too good to me :D Even without someone as motive

Marriedguy · Mar 16, 2008, 01:59 PM

Match.com Member: IaMaKutiepie
It's Ok to Look.

N0help4u · Mar 16, 2008, 02:07 PM

Originally Posted by Marriedguy

Match.com Member: IaMaKutiepie
It's Ok to Look.

LOL your (or should I say his) arms are too long for my liking! Otherwise I'm ready to go out! :D

hollylovesbrandon · Mar 16, 2008, 02:07 PM

The first words my now husband said to me was, well, we were joking around in class one day and I said something he didn't like so he said, "oh yeah well i f@@@ed your mother!" little did he know my mother had died not even 2 months before that. When I told him that of course he didn't believe me because everyone says that you know. Well, it didn't hurt my feelings as much as it was just rude... he eventually found out it was true and he spent like 3 weeks apologizing to me. He even bought me stuff on valentine's day to say he was sorry. I loved his charm from the very beginning. He just has this aura around him. I think it's very important to meet someone first, not based on looks, but based on that initial spark.

templelane · Mar 16, 2008, 03:35 PM

I'm shallow looks do matter to me, But then again so does intelligence and wit. There seems to be a common paradigm on chats like these that it is looks or personality/ intelligence. I'm sorry but I wouldn't settle for any less than all three.

I couldn't go out with somebody I was physically repulsed by/ even just not attracted to for whatever reason.

But in the same hand I couldn't go out with someone who didn't challenge me and who wasn't entertaining. I also couldn't date somebody whose belief system was at odds with my own.

What can I say I'm fussy! I'd rather be on my own than with someone I just settled on regarding any of those criteria. Luckily I met someone who I didn't need too. I don't see why it has to be a one or the other situation.

So to answer the question no I definitely couldn't go on personality alone.

hollylovesbrandon · Mar 16, 2008, 05:05 PM

Great answer templelane. I agree with everything you said. I didn't marry my man just because he was a good man, I was attracted to him and I would never settle. No one should ever settle. It was just what needed to be said.

Synnen · Mar 16, 2008, 05:12 PM

I think what those of us throwing out intelligence and whatever else over looks are pointing out is that there are several levels of attraction--and that physical is just a small part of that.

Templelane said it very well :)

I'm happily married, but I know people who are "attractive" to me--just online. Not their looks, their personality.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can be attracted to someone before you ever know what they look like when you're online, and that gives people a bit more confidence in themselves when they're looking for a significant other--they're not going to be automatically dismissed for not being tall, or skinny, or blue-eyed, or whatever.

That's not to say that the physical looks aren't important in the long run--but that talking to someone online, "clicking" with someone else online--well, those of us that will never win beauty contests have a chance at meeting someone that may or may not simply dismiss us if their FIRST impression of us is our looks.

squeaks77 · Mar 16, 2008, 05:20 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Or would you need at least a pic?

People who don't post a picture make me nervous, but I'm not looking for beauty, I'm looking to see it they smiled or not! And I'm looking for honesty. I've dated online before and I definitely don't like meeting someone who looks completely different from their picture, be it time or weight. I try to be as open minded as possible but most people have something that's a deal breaker. I'm just not attracted to men who are shorter than me. I once dated a man who outweighed me by 200 lbs but he was also a delicious 13 inches taller than me!

Marriedguy · Mar 16, 2008, 06:24 PM

Looks are important now what level of importance varies for person to person.

lella87 · Mar 16, 2008, 08:00 PM

I have to be honest. I wouldn't call myself shallow, but to some extent, looks DO matter to me. Its great to find a person with a fantatsic personality.. income? Who cares! Weight.. who cares! All those little minorities can be worked on. But, I have to be physically attracted to someone in order to have a relationship.

If the Passion and Lust for them isn't there... how do you expect to make love to them? Personally, I don't care about weight.. yadda yadda.. height I do though, only because I wear heels all the time and like to feel dominated by a tall man. I look for a gorgeous smile and cute face. But then again I have been attracted to men I didn't find physically attractive because of there personality.

I think attitude and personality over reigns someone's physical attraction. If there confident and happy with themselves, to me that's what will make them sexy, no amount of money or kilos.

But to answer the topic. Yes I WOULD need a photo of the person I'm talking too.. and if they didn't have one.. id think.. Why not? What's your issue with yourself?

lella87 · Mar 16, 2008, 08:03 PM

I forgot to add that I think people who don't post a photo of themselves are pretentious and not comfortable with themselves. I hate people who aren't honest. Ive tried dating online and I hate people that lie about there height, weight, income etc.. What the F*** For?? How are you suppose to meet someone who likes you for you if your pretending to be someone your not?

smoothy · Mar 18, 2008, 12:32 PM

I've dated larger women (as high as 200 lbs), I've dated skinny women (as little as 80 lbs), The skinny women had one extra thing going for them in that I like a slim woman... but none of them got beyond a few months with me if they didn't have a stellar personality.

I married a fairly petite woman because she had the whole package.