[prncessang228]

I've been with my wonderful boyfriend for 3 years now. We've had our issues due to him being a little scared of commitment in the beginning (mostly because he's never had a live-in girlfriend and the longest relationship for him was 2 years in high school) and me having PMDD-this has caused turmoil for us because every month I turn into this raving lunatic who is moody,depressed,irritable,and weepy. I've been on 2 different medications but sometimes they don't work. This month too (about 2 weeks ago) I was found to have an ovarian cyst on my right ovary which is also making me miserable-i'm constantly nauseated and in pain. He somewhat gets this but it's hard on him.

This past Fri we got into a big tiff because I asked to borrow money to pay my rent. I'm a single mom of 3 girls (ages 8,6,and5) and for the most part he is wonderful with them going above what a boyfriend should do for kids that aren't his (he attends parent meetings at school, cheer performances,babysits on occasion,etc). It was 290.00 which is a lot and he got upset because this isn't the first time I've asked for help and I asked last second. He ended up getting the money for me but really needed it for himself. After giving it to me when we got home from the bank, he said he wanted to be left alone. I got upset but agreed to leave (I was in tears)-he gave me a hug telling me that he doesn't blame me for things (knows it's not my fault) and that he loves me. I left but had to return later to get my asthma medicine (I normally stay at his house all the time outside of 4 days a month that I stay at my apt). When I came back inside, I told him my dr had called and wanted to run bloodwork on me to rule out cancer w/my cyst because the type I have can sometimes be cancerous. He seemed concerned and told me he was sorry (brushing his hand across mine as he walked past me) but the best thing for us both right now was to just leave him be. I left and as I was walking out the door-he told me he loved me.

I didn't contact him again until Sunday when something crazy happened. The sermon that day was about giving money to God and our church has decided to set up classes over the next month to help people get their finances in order for those who struggle. I felt like this was God's way of saving us (we've fought about my money situation alot). I signed up for the classes and called him to tell him about it. He didn't answer so I left a vm and later emailed him about it too (he read it but didn't write back).

Out of sheer anxiety that he was leaving me, I drove over to his house Monday night (he worked and I was off)after I dropped the kids' off at their dad's house-it was his night to have them. When I walked inside-nothing had been moved as far as my things go which made me feel a lot better. I cleaned my kitty's box (she's been living with him for 6 months now) hugged her a little bit then left.

I was good Tuesday-leaving him be but got scared again yesterday and I really needed my scrubs for work (b/c most of my clothes are at his house too) so I drove back to his house knowing he'd be out at the rc plane field with his friends like he is every Wed night. When I walked into the house things seemed OK until I noticed that the card I had given him for Valentine's day wasn't on the kitchen table anymore (this hurt me) so I went hunting and noticed that all of my clean laundry from the dryer was also thrown in a pile on a dresser by the window in our room instead of put away like normal (but all of my other clothes were still in the closet)also, the air bed that my daughter uses when we stay over (he has 2 spare rooms-my 2 other girls sleep together in one and my oldest uses the last spare room) was deflated and put away. The toys that my girls use when there had not been moved and neither had any of the pictures we have up (there are several of us together,us w/the kids, and the kids by themselves) in the living room,bedroom, and on the fridge-this was somewhat of a relief because last time he took them all down.

I emailed him slightly panicked because I thought him putting the bed away and not putting my clothes away meant it was over and I was devastated. I told him I was sorry,wrong,loved him dearly and knew there would never be another like him. I told him I knew he was mad and hurt but ignoring me just made it worse-i needed some type of answer and if it was truly over then I needed to come get my things. He replied saying this

I've read all of your emails. I need some time to myself. It's best if you just stay away for awhile. Love, Me.

He never signs his emails love if he wants out right then and there. So I do have hope.

My question is what does the time to himself mean? He knows we have Easter coming up next week and we're supposed to go to church w/his sister and all of our kids (there are 6 total). In the past, he's had me just come get my things or he'd pack it up and bring it to me (we've only broken up twice but the last time I don't think counts-we talked things out after 2 days).

Is he just trying to clear his head? Trying to relax? See if I'll change?

I know he's hurting and feels like my walking checkbook which isn't right (and I told him I knew I was wrong for this).

Usually when he's taken space-it's only been for a few days...

Help me please! This man is truly a gem and I don't want to lose him :(

[JBeaucaire]

Thanks for all the detail in your story. Your situation seems much more complicated than it actually is.

You're in a relationship with a single man, a good man, and you come with a lot baggage. Kids, medical issues, money issues... that's a LOT for someone to deal with on top of trying to figure out long-term commitment. It's really a LOT.

So be practical. You love this man, so give him the break he wants. I know you're going to blow this up in your mind during this time, and I suppose that's natural, but you HAVE to calm down. And you have to be practical.

Those kids, your finances, your medical issues, your life are all mandatory parts of your life. They are here to stay. But you really are only an option for this man. He's not required to hang around indefinitely, is he? It's not even a mean thing to do if he decides to break up... it's an honesty thing if he can't handle it all and admits it. You might try to see it otherwise, but it's not bad when people are honest.

This break may simply be that, a break. You bring a LOT of drama to the table in this relationship, don't you? Admit that, to yourself, too. He's done awesome so far, but it's still up in the air.

So, keep your feet on the ground and focus on your responsbilities while he is away. Leave him alone! Your life needs your full attention, and if he's not in it right now, that's more energy you can spend on your kids and your finances. Be a good mom and provider.

It might be over with him, it might not. You absolutely must be OK whichever way it turns out to be. Meanwhile, love him and pray for him and hope.

[N0help4u]

You need to respect his wishes and leave him alone.
If you try to pursue the issue he could end up feeling you are pressuring or nagging him and it could make him never want to talk to you again even if he did have intentions of eventually getting back together.