[KD33]

I have been dating this guy for about a month now and he says he loves me and I know that I have really strong feelings for him. It's long distance though. He lives in Surrey and I live in Nanaimo. I knew him since pre k and well we have been best friend since. Now that I'm in grade 8 and turning 14 in 2 months I'm still not sure if I always make the right decision. This site has helped me before so I want to know if I can have help again please. Do you believe that it's worth it dating someone over5-6 or maybe even 7 cities away from you and that's over the ocean? I like him so much, and he says he is going to visit me on spring break this march but I don't know if it will be worth being with him because he is all the way over there and he can only visit every rare once and a while. I miss him a lot and it's just so painful... can you give advice on what to do please? It's hurting so badly being away from him.

[belsammael]

A relationship over distance is perhaps one of the hardest to have, but if you can keep it like that, it will also result in the strongest bond. Keep in mind though, that the biggest test will come after you've actually met him and have been with him... because then you'll be faced with being without him again for many months, and the blow will be twice as heart - personal experience. :)

It can work out though, I've seen it happen... as long as you keep in mind that eventually one of you two needs to make some sacrifices, by moving closer towards the other, if you want to turn it into a proper, blossoming relationship. Or perhaps both of you moving to a place somewhere in between.. that is up to you.

Good luck. :)

[JBeaucaire]

At your age you're supposed to be casually dating as many young men as necessary to learn what it means to discern the good ones from the bad ones, and then settling into a steady relationship with some of them (one at a time) to practice and learn the responsibilities and difficulties associated with having an exclusive commitment.

You can't do that if you are pretending you're having a bond with someone who isn't even around.

I'm sure this boy is VERY nice, but that's not enough. It takes a good many things to be lined up correctly to have a working relationship. At this point in your life, I'd hope you see the distance as a non-starter for the two of you.

You can like him, even see him on spring break, but do not romantacize who he is since you can't really know that past the fleeting moments you're together, so you'll have a small, dim picture of who he really is.

Don't do anything you can't take back with him either. Save the BIG mistakes (and you'll most likely make them) for the boys that are close enough to you to possibly weather the storm with you.

Long Distance relationships are for older people who have had a LOT of experience with relationships and have the personal means to see each other at the drop of a hat, that doesn't sound like you yet.

There are going to be a lot of boys in your life, and you have to learn to not focus on one boy after you've discovered some basic incompatibility between you. Even if you feel like you're falling in love with a boy, that's just an uncontrollable feeling. You'll feel that love for many people, if you let it happen, and love feelings alone aren't enough. A lot of other things that you CAN control have to be good, too... his real behaviors, his availability, his security, his maturity, his ability to honor your morals and beliefs and not require you change them to be with him... a lot of things, hon.

All that stuff takes physical daily interaction to figure out.

[Marriedguy]

I can tell from the post you have strong feelings for this person. However, you are 14 and that in my opinion is not the best time in your life to have a long distance relationship. For your peace of mind I would end this. Leave it on good terms, keep in touch as friends. Perhaps, when you guys are old enough to close the distance the two of you can start a new relationship together.