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charlyjefferis · Mar 11, 2008, 10:27 AM

I'm 22 and have had serious emotional problems with my father! I don't see him and yet he still plays a big role in my life with his emotional balckmail and emotional abuse (some of you may have read about it) but anyway its having a serious effect on my relationships with men, I seem to be doing excatly what he done to me with men.
When they get to close I just end it a run away and I'm so scared I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life. I was engaged to a wonderful man who was loving and genourous but I pushed him away and I ended it. I don't know what being in love feels like I'm scared of people getting hurt by me. I also get very bored easy is that just because I haven't found the right man yet?
I don't want to be alone and have no one like my dad I'm scared

Any advice

Xx

pasiria · Mar 11, 2008, 11:02 AM

Emotional blackmail is one of the most powerful ways of manipulation. Women in particular, are easy targets because they tend to place others' needs and feelings first. The reason this behavior is destructive is because it causes you to feel constantly on guard (edge). You are always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you don't know what is expected of you anymore. This causes you to remain hyper vigilant, waiting for the abuser's next burst or mood swing. Living with someone who is like this is very harmful and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly frightened, uncomfortable, and off balanced. The book The Emotionally Abused Women by Beverly Engel, M.F.C.C. can help you identify the patterns that have kept you trapped and help you break the cycle and open yourself to the promise of healthy relationships. Not until you find help for yourself, your relationships might not work. This book helped me so much; I thank God for allowing me to find it by chance. It's only 13.50 and it also includes 32 references and recommended reading.

duck22 · Mar 11, 2008, 11:18 AM

This is interesting that you posted this because a good friend of mine told me yesterday that you can find out a lot about a woman by her relationship with her dad (and vice versa). That being said I think you should consider seeking help from a professional counselor for your situation. This issue that you are having with men and your father may be too complicated to solve solely on this forum. With the proper help I am sure you will find your answers and be put back on the right track.

peggyhill · Mar 11, 2008, 11:38 AM

I agree that counseling is a great idea, and I think it could really help you a lot. In the meantime, focus on you right now until you feel you have worked through this. When you feel that you have made progress and are back on track, then give dating another try. Once you get the help and support you need, you will be able to have healthier relationships.

charlyjefferis · Mar 16, 2008, 09:24 AM

I have had years of councilling and have had different councillors to. I have had it sinve a young age! Thank you so much for your advice I guess I will have to find a different type of councilling

pasiria · Mar 16, 2008, 10:43 AM

I once thought about counseling, but the 250.00 per visit only created more stress in my life. I took care of it with one book and a program I bought on TV "Attacking anxiety and depression" by Lucinda Basset. I still get my sad days and insecurities, but I talk positive to myself and comfort myself. It's not easy and the feeling will never go away, but you can control it, just like diabetes. It's just a matter of wanting to.