[vryans-bey]

:( My fiancé died this January while driving to work and someone shot him. There are a lot of questions that I wish I could have answered about his death, and I'm getting none from the police dept. The guy that shot him was identified. But he hasn't been caught yet. This is why it's so difficult to heal. Because I have too many unanswered questions, and he and I made so many plans together. I feel like everyone is going on with their lives, and I'm walking around with a black cloud over my head constantly. Everyone else seems so happy. I can't describe the anger that I feel now that someone took away the only man that I've ever loved. I am seeing a therapist and psychiatrist, but that only helps so much. It seems as though doctors only want to prescribe anti-depressants, and just like that you should feel better. But unfortunately it's not that easy. Can someone please help me with some coping skills to deal with a violent death committed by the hands of another person?

[Wildsporty]

There is not simple easy fix. It is a long process and time is what you need. One day at a time and it takes a long time.

I can tell you what helped me and you can laugh if you want. I drove to a secluded area and I threw rocks at trees and I yelled and screamed and got all the anger out.

I took no medications, I got on the computer and talked in forums like this. I even got really lonesome and went to Walmart at night and walked around so I could be around people.

I am better now and even remarried. It is not easy.. no one can help you. You have to pull from inside yourself and decide that life is for living and that you are still alive therefore you must go on living.

Talk it out... talk to people and not just counselors.. I am sure they mean best, but they were no help at all to me. I had to find a way to cope and I had to get it all out to do that. Go out and do things for yourself. Make yourself do them.

Find someone that needs your help and help them. While you are helping someone else you are helping yourself heal. There are lots of places that could use a good volunteer.

After a year or two you will feel better, the pain does not go away and you never forget, but you do go on with life.

Shirley

[Violet31]

This is one of the most difficult things in life.

I lost a member of my family to a serial killer who is now in prison. It is more difficult when the offender has not been caught. As soon as he was caught and subsequently judged, we felt slightly better.

I agree with everything Wildsporty said. Give yourself time, be good to yourself and take it one day at a time. Do anger management. It´s necessary, because you are dealing with an unnatural death - not death by natural causes -and the anger inside can really hurt you. I really hope they catch whoever did this.

Time helps. One day the black cloud will be gone, but it takes time. You need patience and a good person to talk to. I´m a member of an anonymous group for people who have lost their loved ones to killers. I´m sure you have groups like that where you are.

Good luck,
Violet

[SheStepsUp]

I am so sorry you have to go through this! It must seem that you will never feel happiness again. You will. I have had a few major losses in my life. For me, the turning points have been when I consciously decided to stop grieving who or what I have lost and instead, remembering the joy and gratefulness of having had that experience in my life. It takes some effort to 'change the tapes', but it does work. The grief never really goes away, it just becomes easier to deal with and time goes by and perspective shifts.

[bekii]

I am really sorry.. x

it will take a couple of years to get over him but u will soon don't worry