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confused25 · Mar 7, 2008, 11:27 AM

Hey Everyone!

All right so I need some advice so I can help a friend out. A good buddy of mine met this girl he really likes (he is 21, she is 23). They have a lot of classes together at the University they go to and really hit it off. They began spending a great deal of time together outside of school and everything was going very well (I hadn't seen him so excited in a while).

He is getting all the right signs, its obvious she is really into him, and they become sexually intimate after about 2 or 3 weeks (unfortunately they were drunk). However, at some point he tells her that he "likes" her and as a result she begins to back away. Things get kind of awkward between them and they have a talk about the situation. What comes as shocking is that she tells him that she would simply like to be friends with benefits. This actually hurts my friend and he begins to feel used because the time they had sex she had actually gotten him drunk.

So consequently he seeks advice and everyone of his friends tells him to "go for it." Except for me, I advise him that he is only going to get into drama. On top of that I let him know that when it comes to friends with benefits one person ALWAYS gets attached. I told him I was afraid he would be the one who gets attached because of the type of person he is so my suggestion is to let her know that he would still like to be friends but no benefits.

Well, he gets a chance to tell her exactly how he feels, he lets her know that he would like to be friends without the benefits, and all of a sudden she does a 360 and realizes she made a mistake. The next night she begs him to let her come over and they hang out to watch a movie. After the movie she wants to have sex but he declines because his roommate was in the room sleeping (I thought that was funny).

However, he asks her if he can take her out the next day and she accepts. So he plans this whole romantic date, which includes laying outside and looking at the stars. Unfortunately when they arrive she tells him that she thinks its "weird", "where's the beer," and "doesn't like it." So they were there for less than 10 minutes, she asks if they can go back to his place and watch a movie. He realizes she just wants sex so instead he takes her home.

So that's where it's at. He is really hurt that all she wants is sex and not a relationship, but now he is becoming indifferent and is considering being friends with the benefits. I'm not exactly sure what to tell him. Any advice?

youcantstop48 · Mar 7, 2008, 11:39 AM

I would tell him to back away unless he can put his feelings on hold and from what you tell about him he is a very nice guy and wants more but he is into this girl and really wants it to work so he is willing to do anything but he is going to get attached in the long run and most likely hurt!!

confused25 · Mar 8, 2008, 03:56 PM

I agree, but he tells me that he can keep his feelings in check. I somehow doubt a lot of people can do that.

talaniman · Mar 8, 2008, 05:08 PM

They both have there own agenda, and think they know how to get it. Not going to work, as long as they each want something different. They aren't working together, nor for the same results, a big waste of time, energy, and emotion, and not realistic at all.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 8, 2008, 05:27 PM

Well sounds like most 20's year old college man dream but not may idea of a real relationship.

It can be many things, she just got out of a relastionship but wanted sex, she is addicted to sex and that is her only interest.

So that is what dating is all about, finding out about the other, if they are not right, they move on.