[rayofhope]

I knew him as a friend and colleague and I didn't know when I fell in love with him. I always felt he liked me and we were friends for the last 2 and half years or so... then I proposed him and he said me that he had fallen in love with someone else and he did not treat me more than a friend and now the girl he likes has accepted his proposal and they love each other... I love him a lot and I have tried a lot to forget him but am unable to do that... I just can't accept any other guy in my life and am unable to say yes to any marriage proposal... I am 27 now and am being pressured to get married... I can't any other guy as my love... I have become emotionless and hurt and don't feel any love for anyone...

Uptil now I thought god will help me out and that girl would say no and he would love me... now I just don't know what to do... I mean I wish he gets what ever he loves or likes and am happy for him but my heart just is not ready to forget him...

My professional and personal life is screwed up... I had never liked any guy uptil now and he was my first love and I don't know why or how I fell in love with him... but I love him a lot... I can't live without him... why is that I am so unlucky... why can't a guy love me... I am good looking but a reserved person... is it wrong to be so... I am lost all belief on love...

Help me... god... I feel like a scrap... I feel like killing myself...

[George_1950]

Hello rayofhope. Welcome to AMHD. It sounds to me like you have over-invested in this fellow. Sort of like saving up $50,000 in a bank account over 2 1/2 years, and when you need the money and go get it, the clerk says it's gone. You are at the right place to get lots of good advice. Please write whatever and whenever you feel the need. And always maintain hope and try to keep a smile ready.

[JBeaucaire]

Your forum name, RayofHope, is a good one for you. But you need to identify what that ray is. It's not at all what you're focusing on. Here we go:

... I proposed {to} him and he said me that he had fallen in love with someone else and he did not treat me {like} more than a friend and now the girl he likes has accepted his proposal and they love each other...

If you have feelings for him, write that sentence above on a card and read it out loud whenever you start freaking out over him. This appears to clearly, definitively and calmly remind you of what you need to remember. You are his friend, she is his love.

I love him a lot and I have tried a lot to forget him but am unable to do that...

The problem you're having isn't forgetting him. You can't forget people you've loved. In fact, doing that would make you less of a loving person.

The problem you're having is forgiving... forgiving him for not feeling about you the same, forgiving yourself for misreading the situation and letting your inner feelings grow unchecked, forgiving god... we'll deal with that later.

You won't stop obsessing over him unless you forgive everyone actually involved in this misread, that's him and you.

I just can't accept any other guy in my life and am unable to say yes to any marriage proposal...

It appears BOTH of these things have happened to you since this guy. So you're standing in the way of the universe as it attempts to correct your earlier mistake?

I am 27 now and am being pressured to get married... I can't {see} any other guy as my love...

Pressured by whom? Another guy? If so, you've decided all other men except the one guy who's told you he's not interested in a non-match for you? You only want to be with a guy who doesn't love YOU? You don't find that odd?

If the pressure is from friends, well, ignore them, they're being insensitive, and not about this guy, but about pressuring a girl to get married who isn't even in a serious relationship yet. You aren't, are you?

I have become emotionless and hurt and don't feel any love for anyone...

Poppycock. You are sad still, mostly beating yourself up, but loveless you are not. You are completely capable of loving and being loved, and you know that. You're just acting like a kid whose candy cane was taken away for no reason.

Well, you aren't a kid, and you haven't lost a candy cane. A guy who wasn't yours to begin with politely turned you down and is having a happy life on the track he DID choose. You haven't lost anything, you're just stuck.

But you've dug your heels in and decided to pout about this indefinitely. That's your right, but you can't blame that decision on others, OK? That's you punishing yourself. When you decide the guy you are MEANT to meet and court and marry is worth you actually caring about, you'll go after him. Until then, you'll spin in this pointless self-persecution.

I thought god will help me out and that girl would say no and he would love me...

God is about love, your prayer here is about destroying someone else's love and then giving you what you want regardless of what the guy wants. Does that sound like love? To me it sounds pretty hateful. I personally believe god ignores selfish prayers, don't you?

now I just don't know what to do... I mean I wish he gets what ever he loves or likes and am happy for him but my heart just is not ready to forget him...

If that's what you want, then you DO know what to do. Forgive yourself for your improper attitude toward him, pray for his happiness, and move on with your life. That's what you DO.

Easy, of course not, you developed strong feelings for him so it will take time, but you DO it because that's the loving thing to do. You can do it. You just don't really want to. You still want the world to bow to your "feelings", and you're punishing yourself.

Stop doing that.

You aren't unlucky, you discovered you can feel deeply about a man. Good for you. Now just go find an available guy who can return your love.

You can live without him, because you have to. Your feelings for him, if you're a good person, will make you guard his goals and make you support him, even in his decision to be with someone else. He's being honest, and you honor his honesty.

why can't a guy love me? I am good looking but a reserved person... is it wrong to be so?

Right now a guy can't love you because you're obsessing over some other guy. This is about as helpful as you chasing all men away because you just can't get over your crush on Brad Pitt. It's exactly the same thing.

It's not wrong to be reserved. Is that what you were asking there?

help me... god... I feel like a {crap}... I feel like killing myself...

Well, if god is involved, the help is other people in your life. Perhaps even those of us here on the AMHD that want you to succeed. I know I do.

Killing yourself would really just be the next step in your own self-punishment. Don't you see that? The whole universe is dealing fairly and honestly with you and you're just pitching an emotional tantrum in response.

I would guess that god has put many wonderful potential lifemates in your path. Some maybe even there right now. But you're ignoring that REAL helpful things he's done by wallowing in self-pity.

As long as you don't do anything unfixable while you're wallowing (like kill yourself), then you CAN get over all this and get back on track to finding the guy that's already on target to meet you... love you... honor you... cherish you... and accept all those things back from you in return.

Are you ready to actually meet that guy yet? I hope so. It's coming, brush your hair, wipe away the tears and get back out there. This guy you wanted has given you one good thing - confidence to know you CAN love and freedom to go do it.

Now go do it.