[lushass]

We were together about a year. Most of the relationship was long distance. He was in another country. He flew me over there and I stayed for 3 months. He proposed during my visit.

Since I have been back home things have been rocky. We evidently just suck at long distance dating.

Basically, after we got engaged and I came back to the states I flipped out. I turned clingy, controlling, just plain y! I was always testing him. I guess I just didn't think I was worthy of his love, or I was cynical that real love actually found me. I pushed him away with my threats to break-up. (I never wanted to breakup.)

I have always had abandonment issues: my father, my ex-husband, numerous boyfriends that just "disappeared". I guess this was another self-fulfilling prophecy. I made him leave too...

We had a discussion and things just escalated. During the whole thing he said he had been happy, wouldn't change a thing, didn't want to break-up, wanted to get married, etc. By the end of it, 3 hours of arguing later, he had dumped me.

He says he still loves me but doesn't see a future with me. He said we just aren't compatible. (These were all things I stupidly said during other fights. I guess I was "testing" him to get a reaction?) He said a break wasn't an option. I guess our rocky ways finally took its toll.

Is there anything I can do to fix this? Is there any hope for us?

I KNOW I need to work on my insecurities. I feel like such a moron! He loved me. He never mistreated me. He never cheated, never lied. I NEVER once had any question of his morals even though he is so far away.

What is my best plan of action? I am really hurting and blaming myself. I am starting to think he just didn't love me enough? I just can't imagine ever giving up on someone you loved and supposedly wanted to spend the rest of your life with! He didn't even want to try counseling. He thought it would be a "temporary fix".

We broke up about 6 weeks ago. It's been about 3 weeks since I last spoke to him. I am getting very upset that we haven't talked lately. I feel like I was very expendable to him. I also worry that he won't be in my life anymore. If we aren't talking how will he KNOW if I changed or improved? I can't help but hold on to a little hope that we may reconcile when he comes back to the states (in May).

Ugh. Help!

[talaniman]

Let it go and work on your issues, and don't sit and wait for him. Live your own life, and he will let you know if he changes his mind, so leave I'm alone. Any thing you do, besides love yourself, is not going to work out well at all. Its his choice not yours.