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    jolienoire's Avatar
    jolienoire Posts: 917, Reputation: 166
    Senior Member

    Feb 26, 2008, 11:38 AM
    What is a absolute deal breaker in a relationship?

    I am curious to get some insight on a male and female point of views on what is an absolute turn off in a relationship? EX: Cheap, Lying, Flirt, Partying.

    It seems to me that after giving advice on this site, people seem to wonder how can someone love them so much and then leave. Perhaps it was something that they just couldn't deal with. I would like to get open views from both sexes as I would like to see the response.

    My ultimate deal breaker is Lying, I just can't stand a liar. For me it doesn't matter how much I love you. You lie and I instantaneously get turned off.

    SO tell me what is your deal breaker? Is she not affectionate enough? Too many male friends? Is he addicted to video games? Is he cheap?
    templelane's Avatar
    templelane Posts: 1,177, Reputation: 227
    Ultra Member

    Feb 26, 2008, 12:01 PM
    If he doesn't love me anymore. Tha's it game over, no point hanging around.
    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
    Ultra Member

    Feb 26, 2008, 12:10 PM
    For me it's any of the ones below:

    - cheating
    - lying
    - not appreciating the small things in life (I guess... whiny ones?)
    - partying (if she goes to a few parties, then great. But if she goes out 3 - 4 times a week and gets trashed, I'm just not a big fan of it. I immediately think, "You're still doing that...?")
    duck22's Avatar
    duck22 Posts: 115, Reputation: 31
    Junior Member

    Feb 26, 2008, 12:15 PM
    To me trust is everything when it comes to relationships. When somebody looses my trust (lying, cheating, etc... ) then that's the breaking point for me.
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443

    Feb 26, 2008, 12:25 PM
    Lack of communication, loss of trust, lack of common interests.

    If my husband and I were no longer to talk to each other about our problems and work together toward a common goal, or I were to find out he's lying to me, that would be a deal breaker for me.
    friend4u178's Avatar
    friend4u178 Posts: 3,349, Reputation: 1584
    Ultra Member

    Feb 26, 2008, 04:30 PM
    Trust and Respect would be my big 2 , and have to agree with Synnen as well that communication is vital.
    LivingtheLifeinFLA's Avatar
    LivingtheLifeinFLA Posts: 137, Reputation: 29
    Junior Member

    Feb 26, 2008, 04:46 PM
    Neediness, insecurity, lying. But being needy and driving someone crazy with the insecurities has got to be my number one. Of course, when your insecure, you normally lie to get things done your way.
    canefan1012's Avatar
    canefan1012 Posts: 16, Reputation: 3
    New Member

    Feb 26, 2008, 05:34 PM
    I happen to agree with ISneezeFunny in that they need to appreciate the little things in the relationship. From personal experience insecurity and being needy are two that can damage a relationship.
    cerisa's Avatar
    cerisa Posts: 247, Reputation: 71
    Full Member

    Feb 26, 2008, 05:52 PM
    Lying is the #1 dealbreaker, trust is essential in a relationship.
    Playing with friends too much is another, if he doesn't spend his free time with you, who needs him? Within reason anyway, don't tie and gag him.
    Another is spending all his money on toys, they can eat up the whole paycheck
    Then you can all look at the toys for fun
    Okay, and the other is family interference, if he still needs Mommy and Daddy's approval on personal matters he won't be of much use as a boyfriend/husband/ companion
    jiltedgirl's Avatar
    jiltedgirl Posts: 125, Reputation: 23
    Junior Member

    Feb 26, 2008, 05:57 PM
    I see lying and lack of communication intertwined.
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
    Uber Member

    Feb 26, 2008, 06:30 PM
    Lying - outright lying and also the act of omission, failure to disclose. An example would be if I were involved with someone who truly wanted a different lifesytle than I did, yet did not disclose this until we were engaged to be married. I believe all cards are to be on the table from the beginning.
    Delow84's Avatar
    Delow84 Posts: 309, Reputation: 45
    Full Member

    Feb 26, 2008, 06:55 PM
    Cheating, lying, lack of communication, someone who does drugs (even just sometimes) and I happen to like really affectionate woman :)
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,225, Reputation: 10853

    Feb 26, 2008, 07:50 PM
    1-Cheating, and all the trust issues it brings, and can destroy any loyalty.

    2-Lying-I would rather be hurt by the truth, than have my ego stroked with a lie, Lying makes honest communication very hard.
    MsMewiththat's Avatar
    MsMewiththat Posts: 854, Reputation: 136
    Senior Member

    Feb 27, 2009, 03:56 PM

    MY deal breaker list has always been topped with no longer being in his top three priorities of every day. I understand that I may not always be number one. However, when those days roll around to him being so busy that you are not at all one of his concerns for the day that's it. It's a horrible feeling and you can always tell. Something is always dragging them away. Not to be taken out of context either, sick parents or emergencies aside; dropping below #3 becomes my cue to exit the relationship.
    carlson92's Avatar
    carlson92 Posts: 86, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member

    Jul 2, 2009, 06:59 AM

    To me it would be lack of communication, lack of trust and respect. Honesty as well. Honesty is the best policy.
    rockchick182's Avatar
    rockchick182 Posts: 57, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member

    Jul 2, 2009, 08:48 AM

    For me, if he lies to me then I instantly want to kill him because I hate him that much for lying to me. Lying to someone is also a sign that they don't trust you, which I can't stand because then you don't know here to go in a relationship =/
    slapshot_oi's Avatar
    slapshot_oi Posts: 1,537, Reputation: 589
    Ultra Member

    Jul 2, 2009, 09:51 AM

    Phonies; can't get to know someone if they don't know themselves.
    anewday's Avatar
    anewday Posts: 75, Reputation: 9
    Junior Member

    Jul 2, 2009, 12:57 PM

    When they can't face up to their own problems, but turn around all of your problems on to the "reason" for the breakup, when it was perhaps their problems that caused your problems. (Cryptic!)

    When they back down on promises.

    Lack of communication, respect, trust, affection.
    PeruvianBlaze's Avatar
    PeruvianBlaze Posts: 16, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jul 2, 2009, 09:38 PM

    A deal breaker would be when a girl is cold and doesn't know how to show or express her affections. Also when a girl is immature. Of course lying, cheating, and lack of communication (of where the relationship is going or the feelings about it). I hate being caught by surprise with no prior warning whatsoever. (gf broke it up three days ago after 2 years and I had no warning)
    inertia's Avatar
    inertia Posts: 308, Reputation: 60
    Full Member

    Jul 3, 2009, 11:46 AM

    Everyone is listing good stuff. I'll probably end up repeating or borrowing a little.

    1). Lack of respect on either side. Top choice for me, without respect almost all of the other issues (lying, neediness, controlling, cheating and lack of communication) have room to flourish. Also, if someone has no self-respect it is impossible to respect anyone else.

    2). They resent or hate their family. We all come from dysfunctional families, but if you haven't resolved your family issues, how can you resolve issues with me? A history of abuse, serious neglect or criminal activities are a different story, but possibly still a deal breaker out of self-preservation.

    3). Too much flirtation. Call me insecure or anything else, but there are just too many negatives that come from dating an extremely flirtatious person.

    4). The kind of friends they have. I'd like to elaborate on this one. You are the company you keep people. Birds of a feather. Now, this issue gets me into trouble, but hear me out.

    I have all kinds of friends. However, when I'm in a serious relationship. I drift away from certain friends because they would seriously hurt my relationship. The player friend is the first to get sidelined. We all have this friend right? Would you expose your SO to this person too much? I love him when I'm single, but his philosophy is toxic to relationships and I don't want to be under scrutiny for his transgressions. I don't cut him off, I just limit hanging out from every weekend to once a month and always with the GF around us both.

    The party friends go very quickly. They are a fickle bunch anyway, they don't even miss me when I'm gone.

    If the person I'm dating continues to hang with these folks after we have been together for a year or more, I start thinking about ending the relationship.

    When in a relationship, I like hanging out with other couples. I start nixing the bars and wild parties. I play golf with co-workers more, go to bed earlier. I become a more responsible adult when I'm serious with someone. I think it's important to let loose every once in a while, but I'm not going to marry a party girl or a girl with 100 guy friends.

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