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romes22 · Feb 22, 2008, 05:03 AM

It’s been over nine years and I can’t get her out of my mind.
Nine years ago I dated what I now came to realize was the most perfect woman, but due to peer pressure and my ignorance I totally screwed up the relationship. I won’t get into details about our break-up I am just seeking advice. After such an extended period should I contact her?

FallenFromGrace · Feb 22, 2008, 05:33 AM

I personally don't see a problem with contacting her, but if you do not know if she is married or in a relationship, I would be careful how I approached the situation.

Simple Asian · Feb 22, 2008, 06:33 PM

Nothing wrong with contracting her... at all... be friend is nothing wong at all... '

xxxlovecanhurtxxx · Feb 22, 2008, 07:22 PM

I think you should contact her to see what she has been up to. If she has a boyfriend then don't push the relationship. Just be friends with her. But there really shouldn't be a problem with contacting her.

JBeaucaire · Feb 22, 2008, 07:52 PM

Contact is a great idea. You're 9 years more mature so don't let the years of obsessing (did you?) over her make you into an awkward dweeb over her. She's still just a regular person who responds to normal good attention.

Find her, arange to bump into her, and ask her out to coffee... safe and secure in the middle of the day.

As noted above, if she's not available, DO NOT be the guy who puts thoughts into her mind about being unfaithful, that turns you're perfect woman into a tramp... especially if she goes for it. Wouldn't that be awful?

So, nine years later, just be an interested and interesting guy coming through again and let it progress normally. After you've actually been dating again for several months and things are moving serious, telling her THEN that you've never forgotten her will be sweet. Earlier than that... maybe creepy.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 22, 2008, 08:08 PM

But remember if she is married, or has a seroius relastionship, you have to find the place to move on. There is a difference between remembering, I still remember my first love in high school, Wendy, ( not that was 35 or so years) but for many years I thought back of her for some time. But as you go on, one has to learn to move on.

romes22 · Feb 23, 2008, 03:28 PM

Originally Posted by FallenFromGrace

I personally don't see a problem with contacting her, but if you do not know if she is married or in a relationship, I would be careful how I approached the situation.

Thanks for the advice. I guess my next question would be: Wouldn't someone who left you so long ago find it creepy that I went through certain length to track her down? The results may not play as romantic as we see in the movies. Any thoughts?

FallenFromGrace · Feb 23, 2008, 05:49 PM

Originally Posted by romes22

Thanks for the advice. I guess my next question would be: Wouldn't someone who left you so long ago find it creepy that I went through certain length to track her down? The results may not play as romantic as we see in the movies. Any thoughts?

I take it you do not have any mutual friends that might still know ANYTHING about her? If not, what I would do if I were in your shoes is to try search on her name to see if you can locate an email address and then just shoot her an email saying that she just crossed your mind and you were wondering how she was doing. You could also ask how her parents/siblings are doing(provided she had mentioned them before), whether she's married or has any children. Make sure to finish the email by saying that you hope that everything has been going well and that you look forward to hearing from her. I would write it as if you were writing an old friend that you lost touch with rather than someone you have stronger feelings for, that way she won't be creeped out.

s_cianci · Feb 23, 2008, 05:53 PM

No. She's moved far along with her life by now as you should have as well. What's done is done. A lot changes in 9 years. You're not the same person you were then and neither is she. Time to move on already and don't give it a second thought.

life1973happened · Feb 23, 2008, 06:11 PM

I think you contact her for one reason, to make it right, and leave it at that.

You will be on neutral ground, regardless if she is in a relationship or not. She will be more approachable and see you less as a threat. Your chances of her being more open and honest about her life up to now, is much greater and more productive.

Do it because you want her to know you were wrong, not because you want to connect and date her again. Honest intentions result in honest, sincere results.