[monkey--boy]

My girlfriend only stays at the weekends. Friday & Saturday nights. Both nights if am lucky. We have been together 6 months and I have my own place, She lives at home with her parents. I am 29 she is 25. This upsets me a bit as everything seems to be planned or on her terms. Never spontanious or stays over in the week. I would love her to stay more and on ramdom days. I have spoken to her about this and she said she would make an effort but there is no change :( She has a dog at home that belongs to her and I feel I am second best. I can't stay at hers either because of her parents which I respect.
Am I being selfish for wanting to spend more nights with her?

[JBeaucaire]

Does she work on Saturday and Sunday mornings, or no? I'm thinking this is really not much of an issue, other than the fact you want her to sleep over more.

It feels a little immature, too, but maybe I'm missing something you're trying to say. Let's look at what you DID say:

"We have been together 6 months and I have my own place, She lives at home with her parents." OK, then she's still not a fully independent woman at all, is she?

"This upsets me a bit as everything seems to be planned or on her terms." Oh dear, you better get used to THAT and quickly. Listen to any comedian talking about relationships and you hear that subtext all the time - women usually steer the ship, on a LOT of issues. What you're looking for is someone who steers the way you like.

"Never spontanious or stays over in the week. I would love her to stay more and on ramdom days." Again, this seems a bit childish. I mean, so what? She's not fully in charge of her life yet, and probably works every morning during the week. Sleeping over at your place doesn't sound like the smartest move ANYWAY, but at least she's not letting it effect the rest of her responsibilities... and that bothers you. You need to find some real issues to be upset about, this is a non-starter.

"I have spoken to her about this and she said she would make an effort but there is no change." Translation: I told her what I want and she hasn't bowed to my will. Seriously, you could post on any topic here and get help on how to make your relationship stronger, and this all you got? Then she must be a great girl because this is a nothing issue.

"She has a dog at home that belongs to her and I feel I am second best." Then you are. She has an irrefutable responsibility to that dog, she has none with you. It could end in a moment, I mean it's only been six months. You think that really compares? And comparing your relationship to that of her dog also seems a bit... desparate. Are you sure there isn't some more important issue here you wish to discuss?

"I can't stay at hers either cos of her parents which I respect." I don't think you really respect it, but you tolerate it. You want a more developing relationship which, in your mind, means ending it in each other's arms at the end of a hard day... right?

Am I being selfish for wanting to spend more nights with her?? Selfish, hmm, you MAY be. Only you REALLY can say where this desire is coming from. If your desire is described solely in terms of what you want and aren't getting, then maybe you are being selfish.

I'm going out on a limb here to try and help... I'm going to translate your problem from "I wish she stayed over more nights" to "I want to have sex with her on more nights than Friday and Saturday." Any possibility this is closer to the true issue for you?

Look, in my opinion, sex is a drug in dating situations and really can mess up your perspective. At six months you two are pretty sure you're seeing who each other are for real. Sounds like she's committed to family and work, both good attributes. She has a dog (sure it isn't her parent's dog?) and that could be a real plus, too. Your being jealous of it is missing the point.

Sounds like you may be desiring a more complete relationship, understandable at 29. So are you progressing this stuff to the next level? Having her sleep over more nights isn't the next level, but courting her hand in marriage IS.

The next 6 months for you two SHOULD be about putting all those plans in place. If it's not happening, well, what are you pursing this for anyway? What are you aiming for at the end?