[confused25]

I'm about to attend a small party for a friend of mine and my ex-girlfriend will be there. We ended on bad terms and have not talked for 2 months. I still have strong feelings for her. Any advice on how to act. I don't want to be rude. Please help fast!

[Marriedguy]

Be polite and keep your distance you still have feelings for her. If she brings up the relationship apologize for breaking up on those terms and tell her that you put it passed you. She may marvel at the new you and this may arouse interest in you. Stay the course and let her call you.

[in a state]

Say ''hello'',make small talk if necessary,
Try to be as relaxed as you can.
Don't stare at her,don't act nervous or try to avoid her.it's OK
Just be natural

[talaniman]

"Never let them see you sweat" be polite and friendly, with everyone and have a good time. If your worried about being civil, no matter what, don't go.

[confused25]

Well the party, which was a small affair with just a few friends, has come and gone. The results: well it's a mixed bag. When I got everyone's advice it was too late but I did what you all suggested for the most part. When we first saw each other we smiled and said hello but we did not make any small talk. I tried to be as natural as possible, and for the most part I was, but there were times when it was clear that I was uncomfortable and I'm sure she noticed.

Our eyes met every now and then and we smiled but nothing more came of it. I did stare a little bit but only when she was the one talking (remember it was a small affair) and sadly it was clear that she purposefully averted looking at me while talking. As a reaction I did the same thing. It was also obvious that at times during the night when one of us was talking we would both deliberately look in different directions as if we weren't paying attention or we would start a conversation with someone else. Also, the few times we were next to one another she would not look at me, and I would try to look at her so that maybe we could have a bit of small talk because I wanted to break the uncomfortable situation. Lastly, it seemed like there were times when she was trying to act like everything was great for her in order to get a reaction from me. Instead I kind of did the same thing by joking with a buddy and laughing. It was all silly if you ask me but we are both guilty. Those are the details but the night pretty much consisted of my just talking to my friends.

Listen, I really really wanted to talk to her because I felt that it was silly that we were ignoring one another in such a small gathering. The truth is that the main reason I wanted to talk to her was because I was hoping something between us could spark again. As a result I refrained from making any real attempt to talk to her because I knew (with the help of my friends) that if I made the first move to talk to her with the hopes of bringing back that spark I would be severely disappointed.

I saw her the next day, I said hello to her, she just smiled and walked away, not even a hello back (remember she broke up with me but it was a pretty bad break-up).

Well, give me your insights and be brutally honest. Also, advice on how to act in the future is always good. Thanks!

[talaniman]

Get over her, it's a waste of time.

[confused25]

Get over her, its a waste of time.

Brutally honest... I guess I should be careful with what I wish for.

[confused25]

No worries Tal. I guess I was just wondering why she would act like that, especially when she ended the relationship. Maybe she is mad at me because I told her I couldn't be friends.

I don't know. It's oftentimes human nature to make things more complicated then they are. Simple is probably better.

[s_cianci]

Simply smile, say "Hello, how've you been?" Then walk away and mingle with the other guests. That saves you from being rude while still enabling you to enjoy yourself and not have to remain awkward around her the entire evening.

[JBeaucaire]

No worries Tal. I guess I was just wondering why she would act like that, especially when she ended the relationship. Maybe she is mad at me because I told her I couldn't be friends.

Stop wondering. Brutal answers are often the best kind, no BS means it's hard to miss the simple truth it contains, eh?

Oh, and you were right, you can't be friends. Don't be afraid to stand on truth even when it hurts in the long run. That's an OK hurt.

It's oftentimes human nature to make things more complicated then they are. Simple is probably better.

Human nature is to ALWAYS make things more complicated. Simple is ALWAYS better. Brutal simplicity man.

Look straight ahead. Any thoughts of her, motivations, whatever... stroke that thought lovingly and put it away. It's of no use in your real present life.

The things you did to deserve the bad break up that was her idea... try not to do those things if you can help it. The next girl probably won't like it, either.

[confused25]

Yes you are right that I should stop worrying about her motivations. Also, thank you for reinforcing my decision not to be friends with her. Lately I have been thinking that maybe I made the wrong choice in deciding not to be friends. That maybe if we had some form of friendly contact things could work out between us. However, I know that's just wishful thinking and I feel better knowing that you agree on my decision to tell her that because of my feelings I could not be friends with her.

Lastly, I don't think anybody deserves a bad break-up. It's true that I made some mistakes, and I have learned from them, but she also did things that were unfair to me as well. In the end we both lit the match that burned the bridge.

[talaniman]

For all good intentions we still have to accept, stuff happens. It is what it is.