[amberg123]

Hello

I have a 22 year old sister, who I have had custody of since she was 15. When she was 18 I found out that she was intimately involved with my husband (we were going through a divorce), and I had forgiven her for that. Shortly after that I had found out that she was doing drugs in our house. After a year of her telling me should would stop, but wouldn't I moved out. Eventually I moved to another state. I wound up getting remarried and starting a new life out here. In Novemeber she called and asked if she could move back with me to straighten out her life. I let her. Two weeks later I found out that she forced herself on my new husband. He didn't know how to tell me and she wound up telling me, over course telling the story in her favor. Needless to say, I broke off the marriage and found a new place for both her and I to live. She has not paid a dime in all of this. I recently got her a job at a deli where they would not do a background check. In this town, you really can't do anything without a background check. She sees me struggling to pay the bills, and does not offer anything. She never says thank you for picking her up from work, or sorry when she is late while I am waiting there. She eats all of my food and never brings anything back from the deli for the house... only for herself. My main issue is that she does not have anywhere to go. All of her friends have turned their back on her. She has shown my friends a completely different side of her, so that if I were to kick her out... I would like really bad. If I try to talk to her... she gets a complete attitude and locks herself in the room. I don't know what to do with her. I am so unhappy with her here, but feel like I can't do anything about it. Please help!! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[tickle]

Bad situatiion that got worse, then better, then escalated out of control, so it appears.

I would call her a leach, for lack of a better name, maybe a home wrecker too, but don't take offence, it was yourself who outlined her faults. You can see all of them apparently.

Time to kick her out on her derrière my dear if you want a life for your own somewhere along the way. So what, so you look bad. If the truth be told, it was survival of the fitest IMO.

Give her her walking papers. She has a job. Let her see what it is really like scrounging on her own. If you check back with her in a year I bet she has another mark.

Cheers and goodl luck getting out from under to find yourself again.

[amberg123]

Thank you for your advice.

How would you do it? She doesn't have anywhere to go. I've never wanted to just give up on her... but I can't have her in my life. I feel emotionally drained. But I don't want to have to worry about where she will wind up, you know?

[jolienoire]

Thank you for your advice.

How would you do it? She doesn't have anywhere to go. I've never wanted to just give up on her...but I can't have her in my life. I feel emotionally drained. But I don't want to have to worry about where she will wind up, you know?

I know you care about her but the truth is she is an adult now, time for her to start making adult decisions she is taking advantage of your kindness and ruining your life. I understand this is your sister and you love her, but you must love yourself first, and be stable mentally yourself in order to help anyone else. You have done all you can if you really want to help research places for her to go, and look into a shelter or some safe haven for women... there are many of programs, look and search... but you have to cut the cord sooner or later for your own sanity... and don't feel guilty because you have been helping her and she has been hurting you.. Stand your ground.. don't let her manipulate the situation any longer... get her help.. you have done all you can.. Don't give up on her but don't give in!

[tickle]

Amber, she is 22 and has a job. Give her the want ads and tell her she will have to find an apartment of her own.