[rgd]

I am no longer in love with my husband we dated a very short time before getting married and I now feel that we were eachothers rebound from our previous relationships. WE now have a 10 mo daughter and I just don't know how to leave hime. Every time I tell him I want to leave he starts screaming at me and saying how he never wants to see me again and that he will NOT work with me to make this a pleasant as possible for our daughter and that he is going to try and get custody of her... so I stay because my daughter is important. I have no family or friends in the area and I have not worked in 14 months. How do I take care of myself how do I get out of this situation?? I am only 20 years old and I feel sooooo trapped.

[HistorianChick]

Don't focus so much on "getting out of the situation." Focus on getting to know your man.

You said that you are staying because of your daughter. Ok. Now, get to know your husband.

Start dating again. Start looking for those things that made you two fall in love before you married. It doesn't matter if you dated for a "short time"... you fell in love. You may have been a rebound, but you did fall in love.

Figure out what you fell in love with, give yourself a chance to re-fall in love. Don't feel trapped, revel in the mystery of dating your husband! :)

Good luck, hon.

[jolienoire]

I am no longer in love with my husband we dated a very short time before getting married and I now feel that we were eachothers rebound from our previous relationships. WE now have a 10 mo daughter and I just dont know how to leave hime. everytime I tell him I want to leave he starts screaming at me and saying how he never wants to see me again and that he will NOT work with me to make this a pleasent as possible for our daughter and that he is gonna try and get custody of her... so I stay because my daughter is important. I have no family or friends in the area and I have not worked in 14 months. How do i take care of myself how do i get out of this situation??? I am only 20 years old and I feel sooooo trapped.

I agree maybe you should try to work it out.. I know it is not what you want to hear right now , and being 20 and married makes you feel like you are maybe missing something out there. THe truth is that whatever you go through in relationships it is bound to happen with someone new. Why not try to work it out with your husband, and talk about what it is that made you fall out of love. COMMUNICATION is key, marriage comes with ups and downs, as with any relationship, when things get rough you can't just give up. I don't know the details of your relationship but there is more to it than just this, it could be finances, it could be arguing, I don't know the specifics but I am pretty sure its workable. Consider it before you walk out. AS I said I don't know the specifics but this is just a generic answer.. Good Luck.

[life1973happened]

Good afternoon rgd...
I'm going to disagree, slightly with (HC) When you say you are stuck in a marriage that is just an excuse. I know that sounds harsh and I'm not trying to make this, one of those kind of posts. However, it seems to me that prior to this point, in your head, you and this man were just, playing house and now you are faced with reality.

The good news is that reality has a lot of programs aimed at helping single moms and woman get on their feet, sustain it and flourish. Have you tried looking into any of those programs where you live? I know one of the big ones is the YWCA. That would be the first place I would start. Go from there. When you have them on the phone ask them what other services they know of that might also help you. People inherently want to help others, all you have to do is to ask them, much like you have done here.

Don't ever use children as an excuse to stay with somebody. It's unfair to any child, anywhere. Imagine for a second how that child begins to feel as they grow to learn this, and they will learn this. Talk about pressure guys. Kids naturally want their parents to stay together. By staying for them we mount the pressure that child will carry from that moment on. Let me show you with a random example...

Fast forward 5-10 years and the child(s) know their parents have stayed together because of them (and try to visualize the tension between the parents by now) and the child comes home with a note from school one day because he got into a scruff on the school yard. The parents blow up and all hell breaks lose. After an hour or two of this, one of parents shouts to the other, "This is it, I've had it, I'm moving out." and leaves.

Now, that child is still standing there unaware that the argument was years in the making, and nothing to do with him/her, but what do you think happens? How does that child feel from that moment on? What kind of stress, disappointment, guilt and extreme sadness does he now have?

He will think he caused the break-up regardless, of what mom and dad try to tell him now. The years of past arguments he heard, will not register to him, not at that time, or for many years.

For those of you who think I'm wrong. Then you live under the misconception that kids, as they get older, understand adult situations. They don't, not in this way. Most of the times kids in these situations try even harder to be good. I mean obvious, angel-like, perfect child behavior because they are so afraid their parents will break up. So they live out their young lives walking on egg shells.

I know that's not what you want for your daughter, as I don't believe any parent wants that for their children. We are the adults, you are the mother rgd. If you are that unhappy do not let your lack of knowledge, about programs designed to help you, prevent you from moving out and preparing a happier life for you and your daughter. This is about you and your reasons to stay or go, not your little one. Children do not keep marriages together, and it shouldn't be their job! Please do not fall into that trap.

You made a mistake, it's done and now you have a beautiful little girl. She deserves for both of you, to find and sustain a life that's healthy, safe, warm, clean and independent of anything else. ;)

I know it's scary when your alone, no friends or family anywhere. But I assure you, young one, that the groups you reach out to can become your extended family until you get your feet on firm ground. Once there the rest is all up to you. If you are unsure of what programs are available to you and need some additional help, send me an e-mail. I will help you find programs, in your area, specific to your needs, and you can use them as you see fit. But I will only help if you promise to keep us (AMHD) updated on how your doing? Okay?

How will your story be told? Here's a song that you need to blast every time you feel fear, and you will. Every time you are scared of the unknown, and you will be. Every time you begin to let mistakes mount in your head and weight you down, and they will. Play this wonderful song, roll down the windows and sing your heart out. It's therapeutic, and music helps us heal, right (HC)?:)

It's time to move on rpg, life has been patiently waiting for you.

I'm Moving On
Rascal Flatts


I've dealt with my ghosts
And I've faced all my demons
Finally content with the past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once, I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame
Trapped in the past for too long
I'm moving on

I've lived in this place
And I know all the faces
Each one is different
But they're always the same
They mean me no harm
But it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm moving on

I'm moving on

At last I can see
Life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees
But I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind
That those days are gone

I sold what I could
And packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should
And lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm moving on

[l12]

I am no longer in love with my husband we dated a very short time before getting married and I now feel that we were eachothers rebound from our previous relationships. WE now have a 10 mo daughter and I just dont know how to leave hime. everytime I tell him I want to leave he starts screaming at me and saying how he never wants to see me again and that he will NOT work with me to make this a pleasent as possible for our daughter and that he is gonna try and get custody of her... so I stay because my daughter is important. I have no family or friends in the area and I have not worked in 14 months. How do i take care of myself how do i get out of this situation??? I am only 20 years old and I feel sooooo trapped.

Pray girl, for the right answer... seek help from child services if you don't go to church or know anyone else... Don't take the abuse... love yourself and your child... and no matter how hard you might think it is... you can accomplish anything YOU set your mind to... Be Strong!

[mirandycc]

100% accuracy on this answer

[mirandycc]

U are awesome... I agree completely!!