[shinjukuman]

Hi,

I'm new here and hope I can get help and be helpful as well.

I'm dealing with long-term severe PTSD from repeated child sex abuse. It took me eight years of fighting horrible symptoms every day to finally get the courage to tell my parents. And what happened? They literally said, you have one minute to cry. Now knock it off. No concern, no touching or showing comfort in any way. I have a biological family. But that's it. In 35 years no one has ever once said, I'm sorry that you were raped. Weakness isn't tolerated. Don't expect any sympathy from us. It's your fault so you fix it.

I've lost jobs and lots of relationships. Every day I've had all the PTSD symptoms:
Dissociating
Physical flashbacks
Nightmares
Adrenalin surges

I'm a sober alcoholic (16 years). I had severe addictions to various anti-depressants. I lived abroad to get away from all this crap here in the States. But it was still there. I've been homeless twice abroad and then had to come back here. Then I had a nervous breakdown, two jobs from hell, the family treating me like a freak. And on and on.

Finally I said enough. I went cold turkey and got off all the meds. My family disowned me and that will never change. I've been in EMDR/cognitive therapy for a year. But despite that symptoms hit hard every day. At times I feel like I'm going to snap. But in this area there's literally nowhere else to go. Live support groups are a joke. All the mental health people care about here is fighting with politicians and HMO's for money and power.

My therapist keeps saying that this is the flip side of all the trauma coming out. Still, I wonder if all survivors go through this? Do you always feel like you're going to snap? I feel like nobody can be bothered to listen. I was banned from another support site for being "too direct" in talking about my survival. But I will never just sit back and die because that would be like getting raped all over again.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to cope with this? I will not have this forever. No this to vets or any other survivors. But I'm not going to be robbed of any happiness in my life.

Thanks for your time and help.

[Fr_Chuck]

Everyone suffers differently, many seem to deal with their emotions and it has no "outward" visual effect on their lifes, Others lose all touch with reality and can never function in society. Most all somewhere in between.

[Bluerose]

shinjukuman,

"My therapist keeps saying that this is the flip side of all the trauma coming out."

I agree with your therapist. What you are dealing with now is fallout. The mind is amazing in that it protects us, it gives us only as much as we can deal with. Then when we are stronger it gives us some more to deal with - to fix and let go of. I feel this is where you are now. And even if it doesn't feel like it, it means that you are no longer a victim - you are a survivour. Allow this process and take very good care of yourself during it. Eat well, exercise and get lots of rest. Go with the flow, my friend. It gets easier from here on in.