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Rory9330 · Feb 14, 2008, 06:28 PM

I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We met at work and had dated about 6 months before he got a job in another city and moved. I also moved with him and we started living together. Shortly after I moved to another city for him, he went out with another girl and I found out. He said that they just hung out and he didn't cheat on me. I've caught him talking to other girls and having sexually explicit conversations with them online but he said that he was just "joking." He also talks to his female co-worker all day long through emails and goes on little "walks" with her. We have fun together and he always tells me that he loves me. But I just don't believe anymore. Today is Valentine's day and he hasn't bought me flowers or made any plans. I want this relationship to work but I feel unhappy. I make myself believe that I will be happy again I just need some time to get over some of the stuff that he has done. Should I leave him now or should I wait and see what happens?

mesegars · Feb 14, 2008, 07:17 PM

Leave him. He is a lier and can't be trusted. A relationship must have trust or it will eat away love like a cancer. Myra

Bluerose · Feb 14, 2008, 07:38 PM

He isn't ready to settle down and if you stay there you are going to be hurt many times over.

yeye82 · Feb 14, 2008, 08:04 PM

I've learnt from experience - you can't "make believe" your happiness. Face the reality and deal with it now. The longer you wait, the more you suffer. If he's not ready to commit now or ever, what is the point of waiting. Just go... find your happiness.

justcurious55 · Feb 14, 2008, 08:43 PM

Leave him. He obviously is not as committed to you are and if you stay you'll only have yourself to blame for your unhappiness.

imation · Feb 14, 2008, 08:47 PM

I agree with all of the above.
Living together after dating for only 6 months would have magnified any insecurities he had about the relationship and he is trying to feed his insecurities with other girls. Get out now while you've still got your wits about you

talaniman · Feb 15, 2008, 08:11 AM

Lets make it unanamous, he is not committed as you are, and really doesn't care if you are happy or not, get out before it gets worse. And it will. You deserve much better.

HurtingALot · Feb 15, 2008, 08:18 AM

Ok... so here's MY question on this... as I dumped a guy from a very similar situation to this one... By the way... as everyone has said... GET OUT! It will hurt and be awful... but anymore time of feeling unappreciated and not respected will be worse...

I have heard a zillion times on this site... YOU DESERVE BETTER... and this statement is helpful as can be... but I am curious as to what everyone thinks happens to these other people who are disrespectful and undeserving of real love and commitment... Do they get to live happily ever after? Or are they doomed to repeat poor behavior and live in unhealthiness forever?

This is what I want to know...

HurtingALot · Feb 15, 2008, 10:31 AM

Anyone? Thoughts On This? People Don't Change Right? These Liars/disrespecters/do No-gooders Don't Get Happily Ever After, Do They??

justcurious55 · Feb 15, 2008, 05:28 PM

Hmm... I guess it depeds on the person and situtation and everything. Some people can change (seems rare though). And I guess the rest just continue with their behavior and either end up alone because people keep leaving or they find someone with low enough self esteem that they stay and put up with the bs because they don't realize they deserve better. So I guess they get their own twisted happily ever after? Maybe happy for them, probably not so much for the one with them.

peggyhill · Feb 15, 2008, 05:56 PM

I agree that you are better off without him, and it seems he isn't ready to commit.

As far as people changing, that depends on the person I guess. I know some people who have totally turned their lives around in the relationship area, others who keep doing the same dumb things over and over. This guy may reach a point in his life when he wants the stability and joy that comes from a committed relationship. Or he may want to be a player forever. It depends on the person, what happens in their lives, and how willing they are to change when they realize they are hurting the people around them. I think it's a personality thing too. Some people just really don't want to commit to one relationship and may never change. But the bottom line is, this guy isn't ready to change now, so you have to do what is right for you. Hang in there!

talaniman · Feb 15, 2008, 06:29 PM

People change, some faster than other, the ones that don't and cannot, drown in there own shat!

iknowitall · Feb 15, 2008, 06:32 PM

Please read what you wrote. He is cheating and you know it. Do not be in denial.
Come on, you know you can get any man you want, the best revenge is success! So get it together and leave!

Handyman2007 · Feb 15, 2008, 07:29 PM

I have to ask a question- Why didn't YOU make plans for Valentine's Day? Love is supposed to be a two way street. I see more problems in relationships because one or the other do not make an attempt to keep up the "romance". Did you ever stop to think that your paranoia is self induced? Give it a try. Be a little more aggressive. Men like that. I know.