[tailgunner]

Hi guys/gals,

I´m a 30 y/o male, European (if that matters) and this is my first time around. Anyway, to the point:

I´ve been working in this same place for almost 5 years now. When I first got there, there was a young woman (she´s 28 now) that caught my attention. Soon, I discovered that she was living with her boyfriend and they both had a young girl (some months lod).
So, she was in a serious relationship and I moved on.

She always got my attention, but I tried not to show it. I knew I was attracted to her, but never tought about a possibility.

Those days, I was really committed with adventure sports and adrenaline stuff, such as: sportbike riding, MTB.
I wasn´t interested in a serious relationship, or I didn´t want to (I´m not saying it was because of her, but to be honest, I don´t know).
I just lived life day after day, without thinking about tomorrow.
Maybe, she didn´t knew how self-destructive I was, but I suspect that women can fell these things. I caught her looking at me (I wouldn´t say staring), but I believe that she had some interest, maybe because I was a little different, and at the same time she felt that I was too dangerous to be around (and possibly not trusty).
It didn´t matter! She was in a relation anyway.

She became pregnant of her 2nd girl (2 years old now), had a growing family, so I kept moving...
I tried to avoid her, without being to obvious or rude. I was protecting myself.
I didn´t knew too much about her or her life, and didn´t (or did I?) care.

After some family health related situations (last 3 years), I started to slow down a bit. Earned a lot more respect for life in general and much more for my own in particular. I never mistreated anyone! Just liked to play dangerous games, too stupid dangerous sometimes...
Nowadays, I still am an active guy and don´t want to give up on this; just doesn´t take that much risk anymore. I feel more mature and finally I´ve started to look at myself as a Man.

About a year ago, I knew that they broke up. At first I (almost) didn´t care. I was playing safe about my feelings and was afraid that they could re-start, because of the children.
So, at first, I kept moving, although slower (thank God) than before.
Then, I knew that the guy´s on another relation and my interest slowly reborn.

I know that they respect each other and share the children´s activities. Her´s ex- mother in law even keeps the girls (2 times a week) for her to go to school at night.

The last few weeks, I´m much closer to her, I´ve been listening and asking and she always answered without irritation.
I invited her to go out (even with the girls, for a walk, or something like that), she laughed, but refused.
Said the girls won´t understand it. She´s a very protective mother. I don´t want to cause any kind of confusion. So, now, I don´t know how to get to her.
I don´t know how to show her, that I´m not "dangerous", that I really care, that after all this time, I really believe that can be a future for us.
I´m not afraid of commitment, I´m not afraid of her situation (as an "almost single" mother of 2), I just don´t want to scare her!
I believe that we can live happy and have fun...

I really enjoy to be with her and listening to what she says; and I believe that she knows my feelings, because I gave her some hints. I´m not very shy and I can talk to her about my feelings. She´s intelligent and polite and don´t want to hurt me too, I´m sure.

So, what would you do if you were in this situation? Any women reading this?

Sidenotes - I´m about to move from this job (better one), but I don´t know if I really want it, I´m afraid to not see her again.
Sorry for the very looong post.

Thanks all!

[talaniman]

Sounds like your smitten, and nothing wrong with that. Go slowly, and get to know her very well, and let her know you. Just don't push, as this is where the fun is, getting to know each other very well! Go slow and pay attention, have fun, and learn. Most relationships crash, and burn, because we let intense feelings rule our decisions, and get us moving to fast, to soon, and only later do we find those intense attracts are not enough to sustain a relationship. Just go very slow, as there is no hurry, and a solid relationship, needs its own time to develop. Good luck.

[Ash123]

I think your love has grown over time but hers has not.

You could get hurt by this.

I am not sure she is where you are emotionally.

[talaniman]

I think your love has grown over time but hers has not.

You could get hurt by this.

I am not sure she is where you are emotionally.

She is just fresh from a break-up, and may not want a relationship at this time, that's so true.

[tailgunner]

Are you guys suggesting that I shouldn´t invite or call her?
Maybe I should just talk to her casually?

I´m asking this, because (at my age) I still don´t know what "slow" means. I´ve never had a serious relationship and I didn´t care.
I was always so full of energy, always in the fast lane and liked it that way. So, this is kind of new for me...

How do I know when she´ll be ready? Wich signs to look for?
Looking at myself now, I see how much of a newbie:o I am with feelings... but I never really cared about anyone before.

[mafiaangel180]

I think she's pretty smart because she probably doesn't want to introduce her kids to a new man yet. That sort of thing should come when a relationship gets serious. Because it's tough on kids if it didn't work out for you two. So she's doing the right thing there. Just go slow. Talk to her more. Let your actions and how you live your life prove to her that you are a good guy, you don't have to tell her. After you get to know her a bit, ask her out to dinner. Good luck!

[Ash123]

Did I miss something?

What signs has she given you to proced -- at all?

[BMI]

Maybe all the confusion is based on the fact thatyour European?? (Jokes):)

I agree with a lot of what is being said in here. I think your feelings have emerged over time and her's may have been stronger before, bad timing if you will.

It could be a very risky situation for you (not leaving for a better job because of her is an indication that you will do a lot for this). At this point you/we do not have enough information to say its one thing or the other. I think taking it slow at this point is very wise, although if things do not materialize than it is best to walk away quickly. As mentioned before, it seems you are already going to great lengths to stay around her and that opens you up for being hurt if things don't go the way you'd like.

Be cool, be careful and best of luck:)

P.S I really think TrueFaith infected me with the smiley face syndrome. Ever since his posts my use of them has skyrocketed.

[vivia12]

Take it very slow,but my best bet is for you to date othe rpeople, really, you waited for this woman,even though she is clearly unavailable, you deserve much more

[talaniman]

By keeping it casual, and not assuming her feelings, and paying attention, you will get clues to proceed, or not. The problem is she may be into friendship, and not a relationship, so slowly talk and listen, and let her be comfortable, but be aware, she may not want what you do, that's why going slow, and being friends is more crucial at this time, than dating. By your own admission, you are new to this dating thing, so that is the main reason to not assume she likes you, as females can be nice and have no attraction to you at all, again, that's why you go slow, and pay attention, and get to know her well, before investing your heart. How long has she been out of the other relationship??

[tailgunner]

Just to thank you all and to clear some points:

I believe that she´s a very caring person, intelligent, educated and a good mother. Having to meet some other women before, some of them I regret (they were at least a waist of time), I believe that´s what never caught me in love till now.
So, I don´t really know how to tell an adult woman (already a mother) what I really feel about her. I´ve never told a woman:"I love you!" and really meant it.
If they were about to laugh, I didn´t care. If they were treating me like a disposable thing, I didn´t care also. Never loved them. Never cheated on them.
They were nothing to me as I was nothing to them.

I always looked at myself as a feelingless person; now I´m trapped here!

To talaniman: she´s out for a year or so. I don´t understand if a year is long or short time. To me, a year, used to be just day after day. Sometimes I didn´t really cared if I would be alive the next one! I just lived for those moments, stupid thing to do, I know.

A special hug to Vivia!

[talaniman]

Not stupid at all, we all do what we do. If you don't get to carried away, I would get to know her, and see if she wants to date, then move slowly in to the get to know phase where you don't expect anything but the enjoyment of getting to know her,and her you. I have seen many expect too much to fast and crash and burn. Can you stand rejection? Always a possibility, but not something that should mean the end of the world. Personally, she just may not be ready, but you never know without asking.

[vivia12]

All these attributes that you admire in her, you look inside yourself and see your strengths, caring, smart,and all that you have to offer,
Never look at yourself as unworthy of anyone,(learning myself the hard way)
If she does appreciate this that's great,if not then obviously she cannot offer you the anything.
Just my opinion