[lahtidah]

Let me just start this off by saying--I don't do casual dating. I'm a high energy, active, adventurous, curious--and extremely driven individual. I have many opinions about love, dating, relationships... I only am in it if my heart is in it.

I met "Beau" last summer... just so taken aback by him. Charming, kind, considerate... equally as ambitious, adventurous--we had such a great time with everything we did. Instantly thought, "I am going to marry this guy!" And that thought NEVER crosses my mind.

Just a little back ground info--we both lost people we loved. I dated a guy in all throughout high school who was shot--wrong place wrong time... the guy was trying to sell him drugs he did not want to buy (this was about 4 years ago--but still has a tremendous effect on my life, at times). Beau lost his little brother last year to a drunk driving accident (of which his brother was not at fault, but the passenger). Anyhow, we have both chosen to deal with our losses in different ways.

I appreciate life--and have become even more motivated. Beau and I both like to party--but he would take his partying to a new level. Granted, he would only do this a few nights a week--it really troubled me. He would get so drunk that his eyes looked crooked & his speech would slur. I began inquiring about his habits--and found out he would take pills occasionally, on top of smoking (marijuana) or drinking. This also affected our sex life--either not being interested or not being able to enjoy it if he was properly functioning.

I broke up with him in hopes of him deciding what was important to him. I missed him while we broke up. He tried to keep in touch with me and "be friends". It was so hard for me... because my feelings were definitely still there. He was unable to conceptualize the fact that I cared a lot for him--and was not trying to play games with him. However, with my experience and losing the boyfriend before--I just cannot deal with the situation.

Anyhow--a month or so had gone by with very limited contact... and then, he decided to call me out of the blue--saying he hoped we could be pals... no drama. It angered me that he would call, because I was/am still trying to move on. Anyhow, after another day that we very briefly talked... I was with one of our mutual friends later that night... and found out Chris was doing cocaine periodically throughout the course of our dating.

I had asked him about it before--but he said he didn't do it. I believed him, because he and I were extremely honest with everything. Anyhow, a few pitchers of beer later, I called him and asked him if he had done cocaine while we dated... he admitted to me that he had done it a handful of times. I won't lie, I got emotional and sent him a few messages about how hurt I was.

He would not talk to me afterwards.

Anyhow, when we dated--he was unbelievably good to me. I have never clicked so well with someone or been so sure of the fact that I would marry someone... when we broke up, I had a hard time getting over it. He was often rude to me--and spoke very cold to me a few times. And, now, he wants to be friends again. Friends to the point of hanging out with our old crew... and whatever.

I still love him very much--but am just so stuck. I do not think our relationship would have ended had I not flipped out about his partying. I would still marry him in a heart beat. I think it is too soon to try to rekindle anything--but am having an extremely hard time walking away from it. If I could have built my perfect guy, it would have been him... minus the drugs.

Any advice? Does anyone have the slightest inkling of what may be going on in his head?

Thanks :0)

[Foxy459459]

Here's your options, Do you want to deal with someone who parties like that? You have no idea how hard it can get. Believe me I know, and you can't change people. They have to want to change.

[talaniman]

You answered your own question here, he is perfect, except the drugs so, as long as he does drugs, the deal is off. That's motivation to move on, since he isn't changing for you is he? Leave him alone to solve his own problems, you have a life to live, so stop talking to him, and don't initiate anything as far as contact goes. You desrve a perfect guy, and he ain't it. He will change or..?

[NaughtyNurse07]

He's not ready to be a boyfriend! He's young and wants to party and have fun for some time and maybe someday he'll feel the need to slow down and settle down. Until then, leave him alone or try to be friends if you want. If he felt the same way about you then he would have never let you go. And if he did, then his priority right now is to have a good time with no strings attached. It's better that he get this partying stuff out of his system now. I bet that he will slow down eventually. Just don't wait around for him though.