[sanguin89]

Hi, I am from a country where 99% of marriages are arranged

My problem is I am unable to accept this system, I am 32 and single still, I am thinking may be I can not get marry in this country.

Here is how to find the girl or partner for me.

If I have to get marry then my parents will find a match maker ( a professional guy like a real estate agent with a list of girls in the surrounding area). He will show some photo and one page profile of each girl, profiles are usually mentioned what the age of girl, her study and her father profession, how many brothers and sisters she has and how many of them married and who working where. Things like that. Nothing more about the girl.

If I like the photo I am invited to go to the girls home with my family( parents, sisters etc). The girl will then come to say hello then boy's parents can ask some questions to the girl and then girls parents ask few questions to the boy about his job, career etc. In some cases boy can ask few questions to the girl.

After this meeting, the girl's parents will come to see guy's house

Since the meetings usually last only about half hour to one hour only, so its not possible to know anything more about the girl or boy matching, only their parents decide and only information based on which the marriages are decided are based on the boy's money or their parents wealth and girls beauty or looks and feeling about their family when met.

The guy is then to say yes or no ! I am stuck here, I am unable to make a decision, I feel something is missing. Its like gambling.

Is anything wrong with me ?

I want to find a partner myself, but here is much male dominated, over protective society. Its hard to get in touch with a girl, even find her on internet and I asked them to meet me in a café day, she refused, her answer is I do not meet outside, come to my home with your family. She is well educated engineer.

What can I do ?

[Fr_Chuck]

It is always gambling, in the US, most are based on lust ( sexual desire) at first and dating is based on each person trying to act and be like the person the other may like.

I am a firm beleiver that while I may not like arranged marriage, a real marriage with love, can come from any system.

In your system, if you will respect the other person and work hard to make it work, it will and love will grow.

Often in other cultues, like the US, marriages are considered disposable, if one does not work, just move on to another. With a 50 percent divorce rate, the US system is most certainly not working.

But in your culture, you should ( and I know this freaks people in the US out) but you actually ask her father for permission to speak to her and meet her with her family, or she may meet you, but would bring a aunt or other senior female with her