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Dudleynme · Feb 6, 2008, 04:24 PM

I have a friend who continually interrupts others and monopolizes every conversation every time. She is aware of what she does and still does it. If someone else gets a word in edgewise, she will interrupt and say, "Will you let me finish what I was saying," or "Will you let me make my point," or "I was talking, will you let me talk," or something similar. It is hard for me to avoid her because she belongs to several groups that I belong to. Also, if someone, at the table, finally gets a chance to talk she will just start a conversation with someone who isn't talking and then we have two full conversations going at the same time -- very distracting --very rude. What can I say to her that will get through to her and yet not make me look as if I'm as rude as she is?

Thanks in advance for any ideas.
Dudleynme

N0help4u · Feb 6, 2008, 04:30 PM

I don't think there is anything you can say because people like that just get offended and turn it back on you being in the wrong and keep on doing it. Maybe you and your friends can just let her do all the talking for awhile. Nobody say anything and maybe she will notice she is the only one that is ever talking. If somebody else wants to discuss something with somebody else move to another table or put off what you want to say until she isn't around. "
If she sees nobody is even attempting to talk then she might get tired of monopolizing the conversation. Then if she says why isn't anybody saying anything tell her you didn't want to interrupt her

Sand Daddy · Feb 6, 2008, 04:34 PM

Personally, even though she is aware, she may not grasp the magnitude of what she is doing. I would just try a sit down with her alone and explain the above example to the best of your ability, you don't want to be rude by making a spectacle of her in public. I would try to be as humble, but honest as possible.

If this approach yields no change or at the very least, an attempt at change... deal with it, ignore it, avoid it, or try to outwit her in a conversation. I would save calling her out in front of everyone as a dead last resort!

JBeaucaire · Feb 6, 2008, 06:17 PM

Is there some reason you can't be straightforward with her? "I value our discussions, do you? I value your input, do you value mine? If so, I really need you to help me get my turn. You're very overpowering and I'm sure you don't even realize it, I know our friendship is strong enough to talk to you about this."

Her: "Let me finish what I was saying"
You: "Not right now, bless your heart. As I was saying...."

And the most useful of all... "Shhhh....you're interrupting." If she speaks while you are talking just put your hands up to her and KEEP TALKING. When she stops, put your hands down. If you see her winding up to interrupt, cut her off again by putting your hands up.

In a group discussion, get a "talking stick" and pass it from person to person, practice everyone doing a "Shhhhh....." when someone interupts. Threaten to get out the talking stick when you are getting bullied in a private conversation with her.

Laugh/chuckle your way through these interactions so she knows you're not getting mad/flustered, even if she does. That has to be her problem.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 6, 2008, 06:36 PM

Just tell her and stop her, after enough times, she will either get tired of it, or find others to bother.

Dudleynme · Feb 6, 2008, 08:57 PM

Thank you! These are really good ideas. I will try some of them. Especially holding up my hand and saying "Shhh!, you're interrupting." I know it will start a confrontation. I can just hear her now, "Don't sush me!" but maybe if I do it enough she will get the point. This is a group of friends that have been friends for many years. She has always been this way but in the last 3 years she has gotten worse, and worse. At first I thought she was hard of hearing and maybe she didn't realize that someone else was talking but last week she was confronted and told that she was interrupting. She answered that she knew it but she had something to say and she was going to say it. She captured the entire afternoon -- 2 1/2 hours of it and I went home vowing to never go again. I really don't want to do that because the other people are all sweet and I love their friendship.

Thanks again for all your input. If anyone has other ideas, I am all ears! LOL

simoneaugie · Feb 7, 2008, 01:54 AM

Believe it or not, she may be experiencing mental changes. A friend of mine had the same symptoms. Now she's nice because she can't remember what she was saying to begin with.

Dudleynme · Feb 7, 2008, 05:30 AM

Originally Posted by simoneaugie

Believe it or not, she may be experiencing mental changes. A friend of mine had the same symptoms. Now she's nice because she can't remember what she was saying to begin with.

You know? That thought crossed my mind too. Guess I shouldn't be so judgemental. There, but for the grace of God, go I. Thanks. :)

MasuBhat · Feb 7, 2008, 06:06 AM

Shake her up and say.. exquise moi?. I" have something to say and will you please co-porate?

mafiaangel180 · Feb 7, 2008, 06:20 AM

She sounds self-absorbed to say the least. Do your other friends find her annoying?

The way you can tell if you have a toxic friend is to simply, and nicely tell her the truth about it. "I respect your wishes and let you speak, and I would like the same respect back." If she has a problem with your honesty, then you know she's a bad friend and you need to branch out a bit. If she handles it with class, then you know she's a keeper. Either way, just tell the truth.

But if you want to do something a little bit more bold that is funny yet puts her in her place at the same time, try this...

Remember being four and your parents were talking, and you interrupted? And they would say something to the effect of... "Wait your turn, adults are talking."

Yeah... say that. Lol. Then just elbow her ribs, and give her a wink and a laugh.