[samesame]

Okay here's the summary... After a 4 year relationship, my ex broke up with me in April of '07, saying she didn't love me no more. Reason being, fights and having a lot on her plate (grad school and full time job) kind of wore her down and things fizzled, and romance died. Last contact until recently was in the beginning of July '07... the whole time I was trying to get her back. Since, then I have made no contact. Blocked her on IM (she blocked me as well), and zero contact. Then in the beginning of Dec. one day on IM I noticed she was online. Since then I'be been unblocked, even though I still have her blocked. And around x-mas she called me to wish me a merry xmas and see how I was. We talked for about 20 minutes, keeping it on a superficial level, just talking about how's school, work, family etc. Anyway, as the conversation died down she said it was really nice talking to me and that she appologized for not calling me sooner even though she wanted to and that we would talk soon (this was repeated a few times). Anyway, since then there's been no contact. But That last conversation really got to me. It set me back in the healing process and now I find myself thinking about her more. I still love her and miss her, but I will not initiate any contact. Anyway, I guess my question is, what really are her intentions here? Was it just a friendly call? But then what about her unblocking me from IM? Am I reading to into this?

[wewed100606]

Well, I have a really good story that kind of starts along the same lines and has a happy ending if you want to hear it?

First, I will tell you that no one really know hers intentions, you need to worry about your own. If you still love the girl and have a spot in your heart open for her, why not let the relationship re-evolve? There is no reason you cannot talk to her, be friends and see where things go. To me it sounds like your "healing process" has been more avoiding than dealing. I would be willing to bet that if you created a healthy relationship with her it would go along way to settling all those emotions in your heart. Give life a chance, don't run scared and block out the unknown for fear of the pain it may cause.

Let me know if you want to hear the story of my wife and I... great fairytale!

[dansk]

See...

I really hate when they do this to us!
They seem to confuse us good people..

We break up.. then we try to heal, forget
And get better but then they seem to
(out of no where) POP back into our
Lives..

This can either be positive or negative..
The good part.. might be.. they (during
The long time a part) get a chance to
Really think about their decision... about
Why they really broke it off and they
Regret it. They (Might) think "I MADE A
MISTAKE BREAKING IT OFF, I REALLY
CARED FOR THIS PERSON." And by a
Simple phone call.. it can lead to having
Healthy relationship.(once again)

On the other hand...

They just either feel lonely or Just
Missed you and is curious about
What your up 2. This doesn't mean
They WANT to be in a relationship
Again, they're probably just curious
To hear from you and what you've been
Up to.

This really is a confusing situation for you..
I bet since that phone call you've been
Wondering non stop whether she wants you
Back in a relationship or not.

Here's what (I) think you should do.. (I'm no
Expert) but here's my 2 cents.. Don't call her
But if she does.. ASK HER VERY STRAIGHT UP
"WHAT ARE HER INTENTIONS FOR CALLING?"
Then listen to her answer. Sometimes we need
To hear that "I DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP"
Line to move on and heal.. because if they are
Confusing you it's so much harder to NOT think
About it and do the things you have to do.
(this can be a huge distraction)

I really hope this helps you understand a little
More. I just speak from experiences...
My situation, my ex ended it.. yet I was still
Getting phone calls and text saying I love you.
HOW CONFUSING.. so I always thought "hey
they prob want a relationship again" but the
Truth was my ex cared for me and that was
It! Nothing beyond that. All the future plans
I made for us was never going to happen.

Good luck to you buddy.

[samesame]

Hey wewed, thanks for the response. Actually, I think you're right on that I have been "more avoiding than dealing". But that's because she pushed me away and it's the only way I know how to deal with it. Wewed, I'd really like to hear your story. Please share. Thanks again!

Thanks Dansk for the advice as well. Yeah it is confusing as hell, but I think you're right that if she calls, I will answer and see where it's headed, then eventually ask what her intentions are. The hard part is the anxiety between wondering whether she wants me back in a relationship or not. I sense she's in control of what she's doing (ie. Her emotions) so I don't think it was an impulse call. I'm not sure if she has a plan here or not, but I just hate that feeling that she's in control and I'm at her mercy. I mean she should know this. I begged for her back in April when she broke it off with me. All pride aside, I tried everything to win her back. So if this is just a curiousity call or a friendship call, it's really selfish of her.

[EuRa]

By the way, be careful. It IS possible that she moved on, even if just for a week or two, and it fizzled out and she was all alone again, and she just called you because she knew you cared about her and she knew you'd confort her and make her feel good again.

That doesn't mean this is what I believe, but it's possible. Go into this situation with more than one mind-set and you will be better off. And I agree with wedwed, that guy is awesome!

[dansk]

Go into this situation with more than one mind-set and you will be better off.

I strongly agree with you on that!

Always think about the situation
On both sides.. And be willing to
Listen. But in the back on your
Mind always remember not
All of us have fairy tale ending
With our ex's. Each situation and it's
Outcomes are unique and different.
And (as in my case also)... if this
Relationship doesn't work out
There will be someone else for
You without a doubt!

[wewed100606]

Ok... here's the story my man... it has literally brought all of our friends and even perfect strangers to tears, but it is often better told by both of us in person, but I will give it a whirl.

I met Andrea my freshman year of college. She was a H.S. senior in a town about an hour away from where I went to school. She had come up to visit a friend of hers who happened to be makin' nasty with my roomy.

The moment we met there was a spark. We both knew it, but we are both stubborn and didn't want to let on. We played it cool and ended up at the same party that evening and after the festivities her and her friend walked with my roomy and I the mile or so back to our dorm.

When we got back all we did was talk. I was in a relationship at the time, but I couldn't help the connection we had. I was in love already. We laid next to each other all night and just felt close to each other. Nothing in appropriate just some gentle touches here and there and an intertwining of fingers once in awhile. It was perfect.

Over the next few weeks our relationship grew fast. I broke off my existing relationship and things were great. We saw each other as much as we could. We stayed up for hours talking on Messenger. Nothing could go wrong... we were perfect together.

A few months later, we found out we were pregnant. It was OK though. We were happy together and everything was so wonderful. I had just got a very good job and I was planning to quit school anyway. We told our families and they supported us. We moved into a house together after she graduated and began preparing for our life as a family.

Not too much later something went terribly wrong. A combination between me being over-protective and Andrea not knowing what to do and having to grow and deal with all this so fast made her run for the hills. She left me, and the break-up was one of the ugliest you would ever see. The most horrific things were said by both sides and there was no hope for reconciliation. She moved home and I broke the lease and moved on.

We had little to no contact throughout her pregnancy. I worked hard, she worked hard, and we just went on with our lives. B.N.C. was born on January 27th, 2003 and was perfect. Andrea's sister called me from the hospital to say that we had a healthy baby girl. I dropped everything at work and started to the hospital.

Visiting with my daughter the first couple days was amazing. She was so perfect, and seeing Andrea hold her was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. I was still so in love with her, but it was neither the time nor the place, not to mention I thought she hated me.

A few weeks after B.N.C. was born Andrea and I had another confrontation about me and my family being able to visit the baby. She had complete control and I felt helpless. We hung up and my family told me not to contact her again until we had visitation granted by a judge. Little did I know what that entaled.

I didn't see my daughter again, or speak to her mother until she was 11 months old. I was crushed, I was angry, I felt like the system was created to keep fathers away from their children. I had visitation now though. I had a good job, I had bought my first home, and I was going to get to see my baby everyother weekend! Life moved on.

Over the next two years Andrea and I had a very healthy co-parenting relationship. She worked her butt off to put herself through college and take care of B.N.C. the majority of the time. I worked my butt off and landed some amazing jobs, I never missed a support payment and had my life where I wanted it. Andrea always asked me to take our baby first if she needed a sitter and I never once said no. We always smiled at each other when dropping off or picking up B.N.C. and no ill words were ever spoken. I thought it was all an act. I thought she still hated me and thought I was the scum of the earth.

I had started another relationship during this time, and Andrea had had many. I had moved in with the girl I was with and she was good to my daughter. I didn't really love her, but I thought that there were enough things that I could be happy with her in life. Everything was fine.

January 2006, I was on my way home from a business meeting and I got a phone call from Andrea's sister. Her and Andrea were out at one of the local bars and wanted to know if I would stop by and have a drink, for old times sake. I hesitated, and figured what the hell just a drink, and things weren't the best at home anyway, I had been looking to get out of my current relationship, but my job was intertwined and there was a lot of kinky crap. I went to the bar.

I walked into the bar and saw Andrea and her sister bellied up to th bar. Their smiles LIT UP THE ROOM, but I was still skeptical, they both hugged me and I felt awkward and held back as much as I could. In that moment, everything we had ever had together, all the good times, came flooding back. Nothing else in the world mattered. We had drinks, we had a couple shots, we talked about the good ole days and the night ended.

I was sober enough so I drove us all back to Andrea's apartment which she had just moved into. Her apartment was in the town I lived in, and for the last three years she had been at least an hour away with our baby in her home town. She moved to my town so our baby could be closer to her dad (that sentence still makes me cry). Anyway, I walked the girls in and Andrea and I snuggled and she confessed her love for me had never gone, but she had needed to find herself and move at her own pace. The night was wonderful and we shared kisses that made it feel like just yesterday we had been living together and sharing everything. We said our goodbyes and I went home.

The next few weeks were crazy. A million feelings, a million things to talk about, a million things to worry about. We talked, we spent as much time together as we could. We made love, we cuddled and watched TV, we played with B.N.C. together and everything in life felt right. We apologized many times for all that was said and done. We shared a lot for tears and a lot of fears. We shared our dreams and we found our best friends all over again.

We got married in October 2006 and had our second child in May 2007. B.N.C. is now B.N.D. and we have a beautiful little boy G.ME.D! We have been married for about a year and a half and it has been amazing. I have the only woman I ever loved that I never thought I would get back. I have an amazing little family that I wouldn't trade for the world.

We let love show us the way. We never fought what we felt. We knew it was for a reason.

Moral of the story... never say never... and love conquers all.

Sorry it isn't better written... you can ask her for her version someday!

[samesame]

Wow! Thanks wewed for sharing that. You don't hear as many happy ending stories as you do the horror stories. Ironically yours was a bit of a horror story at first, but glad to hear things worked out as they did!

To me, it's inspiring, not because it means that there's always a chance others could get back with their ex's and live happily ever after (as much as I'm sure most of us on this site would hope for), but because of the way things can work out in the end the way you least expect them to, but all the better. Thanks again, all the best!

[talaniman]

She needs a friend, and she hopes your ready for it. Finish healing so you will at least be healthy, and find your own happiness, without the confusion. Sorry guy I know you wanted to hear something more positive, but that's not where your at.