[bittersweet07]

My boyfriend and I have been dating since high school. We're both 19 and have been together for 3 years. We are both now in college and unfortunately away from each other. For the past couple of months I've been noticing that we've been getting into a lot of fights lately, and I have become more sensitive than normal.
The fact that I can't see him as often is really hard for me, and not so hard for him since he spends most of his time playing video games on watching TV. When we get in fights I will start crying and he will just let out a 'sigh' but in a way that he sounds annoyed. When he gets really mad he will just say "leave me the alone" or " off" or "in' grow up already!" His hurtful words make me feel like I'm not worth much. Our fights over the phone have gotten so bad sometimes that he has called me stupid, dumb, dumb, retarded and childish. I know that for a guy it is difficult to make a girl feel better when they're crying, but it's not impossible. When I ask him why he's so mean he'll just respond with an "I don't care, just off" The strange thing is that when he comes home and we're together in person, we NEVER fight. We never get into any arguments when he's home and we're really happy. So I don't understand why we have to fight when he's away in school. My self-esteem has become so low due to his name calling that I have lost interest in some things in my life. I don't want to leave him, because he is a hardworking guy and I see myself with him for a long time, but I really want the fighting and name calling to stop. Does anyone have any advice? How can I get him to be a little more sensitive and understanding of my feelings? And also, how do I make him understand that if I called HIM names, he wouldn't like it either. Any advice is appreciated.

Thank you.

[Goodmorningworld17]

I would tell him exactly that. If he doesn't understand then I would tell him in person and try to make him realize the state your in.

As a man myself who was once in a long-distance relationship (a girl who moved away for a 6-month course) it is important to see each other at least 2 times a month, or at least aim for longer-time stays when you are together.

But in the end, if you are calling him more then once a day or are saying things like, "stay on the phone longer, no, don't go!" and if he responds with, "I have to, don't make me stay" you CANNOT RESPOND with demeaning him or saying he doesn't care. This is a childish thing to do. I'm not certain you do it, but my understanding of women tells me that many will often be selfish over the phone with their boyfriend's time. Don't do this to him, it's very frustrating to be told you do not care about a person. Bye!

[wewed100606]

You know he probably just feels helpless. I know that when my wife is crying or upset on the other end of the phone I used to just get miffed. Guys, or anyone for that matter have trouble with uncomfortable situations. He is probably trying all he knows how to do to get you to calm down on the phone, but it doesn't work. Maybe you should try to not get emotional on the phone? If you feel yourself getting there just let him know you will call back later?

If you need certain things from him, or said by him to help you out and to get by you need to let him know. Phone conversations are ridiculously difficult for some people. You throw some meotional overload into that and it makes it CRAZY!

If you have been with him three years I am sure you know who he is, and if this behavior is different it is probably because it is a different situation than you have ever been in.

I would "man up" and have a conversation with him about it. You can disarm him by taking ownership of the problem and saying "I know I have been overly emotional on the phone lately and I would really like to take that stress off you and you could help by...." DO NOT USE THE WORD "BUT" it is the most negative word in the English language!

I am sure from the sounds of this that he is just getting frustrated that you are obvioulsey not happy on the other end of the phone and he just doesn't know how to help and he hates to hear you not happy.

Help him out a little and help yourself by tryiong to stay a little more even keeled on the phone... save the drama for your mama!

Or at least save emotional conversations for when you are in person :-)

Hope I helped!