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d_ks · Feb 4, 2008, 04:57 PM

My sister broke up with this guy 3 years ago after leaving him for someone else. We are quite good friends and he's friends with the rest of my family and visits. Over a year ago my other sister told me he fancied me and he confirmed this. I do care for him and my family has given me their blessing. The thing is I'm worried about going out with him as he is my sister's ex. I have for a long time thought it wrong to go with someone your sisters has been with. My other worry is my sister already doesn't like that we are friends with him so I'm worried about her stopping me from seeing her children. I'm 21 and still a virgin and he's 25 and not so he's more experienced than me. Thing is I'm not sure weather the fact he is my sisters ex that's worrying me or not. I was a little upset when he dated this other girl. Do I love him and am just worried about these issue or not. Please help!

Debbie

Fr_Chuck · Feb 4, 2008, 07:00 PM

Could you be with him, knowing he most likely was with your sister? Would that hurt your relastionship with her ?

d_ks · Feb 5, 2008, 03:47 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Could you be with him, knowing he most likely was with your sister?

I'm honestly not sure if I can. Should it matter if you love someone?

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

would that hurt your relastionship with her ?

This is what I'm worried about. She didn't want him and wasn't with him very long, she left him for someone else. Its been 3 years shouldn't she be over it by now? The person she left him for she has 2 children with now so has moved on. My parents and rest of the family think she will be a little angry but will come round in the end.

imation · Feb 5, 2008, 05:38 AM

Talk to your sister, she will most probably be welcoming and appreciate you talking to her first about it, and in the end, your sister is way more important than a guy your not sure your in love with

EuRa · Feb 5, 2008, 08:05 AM

Uhh... OK here's my story.

I dated this girl for 4+ years. We broke up and got back together a lot, but she finally broke it off with me in the end. I was MAD at that point in time. About a year later, I met her sister out somewhere and we flirted. But I remember thinking that all I wanted was "revenge", and nothing more from that chick. It never happened, but I really REALLY wanted to do it at that point in time. (I've changed since then, give me a break pretty please. :P)

Anyway, I'd be careful. He could still want revenge. You both might be attracted to that "forbidden fright" that neither of you should attain. Maybe he still has tremendous feelings for her, and since you're close to who she is, he might have artificial feelings for you.

I agree with what someone else said, talk to your older sister first. She might be completely against it, and dating would cause friction amongst everyone. There's too many "if's" floating around. I wouldn't touch this with a 10 foot pole.

HistorianChick · Feb 5, 2008, 08:56 AM

Darlin, talk to your sister. See what she's thinking.

Yes, its your life. But... you will also always be in your family.

Should it matter if you're "in love?" Darlin, really? Are you "in love with him??" Yes, the possibility is there, but the essence of being "in love" with someone is knowing who they are inside and out, yet learning new things every day. To be completely and wholly that persons, and they yours. To be caught up in your own little world, no matter where you are. To be in love is to be someone's everything. Their life, their love, their ALL and yet still retain the independence and security of the trust that goes with being in love.

Are you really "in love" with this guy? Or do you just fancy him?

Having said all that... I agree with EuRa, this has a LOT of friction potential... I'd seriously consider consequences before initiating anything...

Then again, he may be your "true love." We can't tell you that. We can only offer you advice and our outsiders opinion. Hope it helps! :)

(By the way, Darlin... you deserve that type of "in love"-ness... You're worth it! :) )

duck22 · Feb 5, 2008, 10:29 AM

I would talk to you sister about it first. Family is more important. Good luck though.

HistorianChick · Feb 5, 2008, 10:38 AM

Ihatewestseneca! That was so sweet! I give you full permission to use my sappy definitions of love.

I've tasted true, real love in my own relationships. I know the pain of experiencing it, thriving under it, growing in it, and yes, losing it.

I grew up knowing what true love was - I saw it in my Dad's eyes and observed it on my Mom's face. That, and my own experiences with love make it so easy to describe... and wish upon others. :)

EuRa, Dahhhhhhinnng... thanks for the greenie! ;)

talaniman · Feb 5, 2008, 11:29 AM

Talk to your sister, about this and know that the feelings you have, as intense as they may be right now, may not be love, and you will never know with out finding out, by getting to know this guy. That takes time. For now talk to your sister.

d_ks · Feb 5, 2008, 11:33 AM

Originally Posted by EuRa

Anyway, I'd be careful. He could still want revenge. You both might be attracted to that "forbidden fright" that neither of you should attain. Maybe he still has tremendous feelings for her, and since you're close to who she is, he might have artificial feelings for you.

I can honestly assure you he is not like that. He regrets ever being with her. He was hurt by what she did to him (she was seeing this guy while still with him) not because he loved her. My sister asked him back after having an argument with the man she left him for and he said NO. Wouldn't he have gone back with her if he still loved her?

EuRa · Feb 5, 2008, 11:43 AM

Originally Posted by d_ks

I can honestly assure you he is not like that. He regrets ever being with her. He was hurt by what she did to him (she was seeing this guy while still with him) not because he loved her. My sister asked him back after having an argument with the man she left him for and he said NO. Wouldnt he have gone back with her if he still loved her?

No.

But it would mean he has a strong head and heart. How cool is that guy, to NOT go back to the snake that bit you. This guy is good. :)

So if he's not like that, then that's one obsticle out of the way. But there is still the "forbidden fruit" factor. So be careful of that. You need to talk to your sister first. She probably won't be OK with it right away, but you definitely need her approval first.

If she doesn't give it, and you get into a relationship anyway, she will resent you for a long LONG time. It will put tension on the family. It will put pressure on him as well. The relationship will start rocky, and probably won't last too long. But if you can persuade her that you will take it slow, and that you just want to DATE, she might give you her blessing. And if she does, the forbidden fruit factor is removed, and you can start dating on level ground, and then and only then would you have the greatest chance for success!

talaniman · Feb 5, 2008, 11:59 AM

I have for a long time thought it wrong to go with someone your sisters has been with.

That may be something you should take into consideration. He also rejected your sister, after being mistreated by her, which can only lead to conflict, if you want him now. I really don't think you need this drama, or are prepared to deal with it. Maybe you can't help who you are attracted to, but you certainly have an option, as to how you cope with those feelings.