[Greg Quinn]

Just shut down the post so everyone can quit the belly aching! The original poster hasn't had input since the onset and it is just turning into a platform for people to further their cause. I think you will find Greg, no offense, but I handed out just as much GREEN CONFETTI and recieved just as much RED CONFETTI as I dished out. It was a heated issue and topic. If you would be so kind as to let me know which one of my RED CONFETTI's were unjustified I would gladly discuss them.

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wewed100606 disagrees: So?? COurtesy is a one way street just because he happens to not be here representing himself? My point was, she hasn't answered any questions and everyone is spurting off with blind advice.
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Slightly edited repost=Greg Quinn]Its sad to see people like ************ and ******** tossing out reds like confetti. The fact is, our position is to read what the person who asks the personal question says, and take it for the truth until inconsistencies may arise and then you may assume there is another side to a story. She may have a huge spending problem we do not know about, but you can not assume anything, you would have to ask questions. If a person comes on here and asks a question about weight loss, and you want to answer their question, you must believe the facts they are giving you are correct because if they were lying, how would it help them? Their story is the only story you get to hear. And I must say, think real hard before you give someone a red. It can be a real insult to receive one if it is not deserved, often I respond below the persons post (answer) and see if it can be discussed further without insult.

[friend4u178]

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wewed100606 disagrees: So??? COurtesy is a one way street just because he happens to not be here representing himself? My point was, she hasn't answered any questions and everyone is spurting off with blind advice.
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Slightly edited repost=Greg Quinn]Its sad to see people like ************ and ******** tossing out reds like confetti. The fact is, our position is to read what the person who asks the personal question says, and take it for the truth until inconsistencies may arise and then you may assume there is another side to a story. She may have a huge spending problem we do not know about, but you can not assume anything, you would have to ask questions. If a person comes on here and asks a question about weight loss, and you want to answer their question, you must believe the facts they are giving you are correct because if they were lying, how would it help them? Their story is the only story you get to hear. And I must say, think real hard before you give someone a red. It can be a real insult to receive one if it is not deserved, often I respond below the persons post (answer) and see if it can be discussed further without insult.

I couldn't rate you Greg cause I did earlier , but I have to say I agree with you 100% on this.

[helpdave]

This is quite funny.
Men will say 50-50 and in my opinion, that is only fair. Independent women will also agree with this.
But it's the women who still live in the whole 'You got to have a J-O-B if you want to be with me' era that need to realise that times have changed and most men have moved on and understand that we are living in the days of equality. Unfortunately the male role has changed and we are no longer the hunter gatherers we used to be as women are also equally as good at this role in modern society, and good luck to them to! This means that when we approach moving in together we are really just tested compatibility, it doesn't mean that you are getting married, having kids or anything more serious than sharing the same space to see if it will work. It is also the next step in any relationship, which means its harder to split up! So why shouldn't you pay your fair share? It sounds like you are prepared to, but just cannot afford to. That's for your boyfriend and you to decide.
But for all those people that think this is unfair, I suggest you look around you and see the world we have all created for ourselves and decide whether you want to participate equally in this society or go back to wearing hyper color t-shirts and listening to cheesy 80's music, with equally niave attitudes.

And Yes, I am bored enough to write all of that. I'm waiting for my pregnant girlfriend to get out of bed, its 10:30am for gods sake!

[N0help4u]

Wewed

I think you are reading too much into this


[QUOTE=wewed100606]They got involved. He was happy she was happy all is well. They moved in together agreeing to split expenses to make life more affordable for BOTH of them. She is late with money. He understands. She is late with money some more. He picks up the slack. He is beginning to see that she still has money for $5 Starbucks, this begins to piss him off. She sees that he can buy what he wants when he wants. She thinks she should be able to do the same. She starts to run up credit cards buying her MAC cosmetics. THe minimum payments get higher. Student loan deferments end. Here comes another $250 a month she din't plan for. Still drinking $5 lattes. He begins to see she is irresponsible. She thinks he is being greedy. He is trying to teach her responsibility. She can't understand how he expects her to buy MAC cosmetics and Starbucks everyday on $50 a month. He thinks he will teach her. She spends her $50 she has left at happy hour with her work buddies on Friday. Saturday she wants to go out. No money left so got to make sure Jerk Boy is along to pick up the tab. He see she is using him. He says you know what I don't feel like going out. SHe thinks he is an and he just wants to prove the point that she is being irresponsible with her money and he isn't going to reward that. He cares about her and wants to stay with her, but he can't marry someone who can't budget and balance a checkbook. He is trying to force her to budget. No where does it say he ASKS FOR MONEY FOR GROCERIES. It says he always has his hand out for money (ie. For the bills she agree to pay). He claims to never have any money because he knows if he says he does she will milk it out of him. I am pretty sure from that standpoint a guys doesn't walk around saying "I have no money"... more tha likely he says he doesn't have money the three times a day she asks for money from him.[QUOTE]

Where did she say she was behind because she is wasting money on latte's or even Wal Mart??


She SAID she has only $50. A month after expenses and his having his hand out for MORE!

She SAID he thinks nothing of spending money on himself.

You figure if she makes 30, a year that is almost $2,100. A month

Just SAY she gives him probably close to a thousand a month toward the agreement and food and another $1,000. Goes toward students loans/car payment/insurance/credit cards. Then he leaves her $50. Per month for 'her latte'
He has HIS hand out for the additional left over money.

[s_cianci]

Am I greedy or is he really just cheap?

I suspect that the answer to both of these is yes. He's obviously frugal with his money, despite his $95,000 income and there's certainly no crime in that. He also has the right to expect you to contribute to household expenses if you're going to live with him, regardless of your income and regardless of his. A single person such as yourself can get by on $30,000 per year without having to live with someone else. If you find that living with him is too expensive because he demands too much then it may be time to move out.

[Alty]

My point is NUETRAL advice like that above about sitting down and budgeting is GOOD advice given without all the facts. Bad advice is that given saying he is cheap, ditch him, he is a con man, etc. That is BAD ADVICE given without all the information. The accuteness of the advice should directly coorelate tothe accuteness of the information. GRAY AREA QUESTION = GRAY AREA ANSWER otherwise you all are setting yourselves up to ruin lives based on less than all the facts.

I do agree, allot of us are going of on a tangent (myself included) because we feel strongly about this, however, we are all reading into the question what we want to read and not necessarily what was actually posted (my bad too). It is nice to have sites like this on which to vent, I know I appreciate it. Maybe someone should start a new post discussing whether different incomes should pay equal amounts when living together, or something like that. I know it's not going to be me (I'm in enough trouble already with most of you guys:p ) but maybe this will allow everyone to be able to post their opinions without giving advice to this specific poster. Make sense, I hope so because I'm tired. :)

[Alty]

Me and my big mouth. Okay wewed and NoHelp, I started a new post. The topic is : "Going of on a tangent". Hope I don't get to many confused people going to it and wondering why. Hope I did it justice, if not I'm sure someone will tell me.:p

[s_cianci]

Oh, I will say that if the guy is rubbing in her face what he spent on things or what he bought her...that is pretty bunk. That is one of those times you take whatever he is that he is so proud of and light it on fire and say "next time keep the price tag to yourself".

He does sound like kind of a douche bag in that sense, but once again, consider the source!

I love ya Kate...but you gotta lose the poor me attitude...not attractive to anyone and it makes you look like a money grubbing hoochie mamma.

With the logic you and the other ladies on this board are using it sounds like a bunch of Communists. There is no ENTITLEMENT in life. The simple fact of life is you need to work for what you get. If you want more spending money, get another job, ask for a raise, refinance your debt, be pro-active...don't sit and b**ch about it and hope it gets better.

If there is one thing in this world I have no sympathy for it is people who complain about things that they have no willingness or motivation to change.

I know I'll have to spread it but this is even better than your first response.

[Greg Quinn]

If having $50.00 at the end of the month in her scenario (considering his income) constitutes a greed label for her, then I would have to consider my girlfriend to be a tyrant. I know there are responsible people out there who are very cautious with money and are frugal to say the least. But (I believe)in a relationship it is one partners duty to help make the other happy and comfortable, this girl seems pretty nice to me and if she is anything like my GF she would step up to the plate if the incomes were reversed and I (or he) would be able to enjoy the huge luxury of a starbucks coffee and maybe even a little extra for clothes and surprises. To go beyond answering her question and offer unsolicited advice, I think a sit down with this Bf would be a good thing to do and maybe if she ever comes back (to helpdesk) she can use a few of the points she would have read here to clarify her position. If he disagrees or finds a reasonable argument, things like her spending or their relationship and or housing should be reevaluated. Mind you though, she hasn't posted on the subject for sometime and it has left grey area for some debate(not huge speculation).

[s_cianci]

The divorce rate is high because the majority of men in the west are cheap as I can tell in the post.

C'mon, you've got to be kidding! Had to spread it or this one would've definitely gotten a reddie.

[s_cianci]

Well this one has certainly struck a lot of nerves with a lot of people! Not even 48 hours old and already over 100 responses - that's got to be a near-record. After re-reading the original post and reading all of the responses posted on this thread (not to mention all the greenies and reddies!), my impression, and this is only my impression, is that the OP has an entitlement mentality. It has little to do with gender as there are plenty of both men and women in this world with such a mindset. She seems to feel that, because his income is more than 3 times what hers is, that he should pull more of the weight than she should. Well that's just a big crock, sorry to say. All she does is complain ; nowhere does she mention anything about re-negotiating the arrangement or finding some other alternative solution to what she perceives to be the problem at hand. I and several other posters have mentioned that she's free to move out but notice that she apparently isn't interested in doing that ; if she did, then she'd have to pay all of her own living expenses. To me it almost sounds like she's the one trying to take advantage of him. She doesn't want to live on her own, i.e. pay her own way 100%, so she latches onto some well-off guy with he hope that he'll carry the majority of the weight. When he doesn't let her take advantage of him, he gets painted as "cheap" and some have even labeled him a "con artist." Well, if anything, I think she's the one doing the "conning" here.

[nadia999]

God, the men are so bitter against women, I guess they should try to be gay, if you still think this arrangement is fair you are all callous. I would say the same if they were gay couple.
I will give you an example hope you find the similarity because you all say it is her choice, if someone is sick with a cold and wants to swim and you love this individual and even sleep with this individual, would you let them? It is their choice to swim but because you care you wouldn't or at least say to this person "you can not afford the consequences so it is better till you can afford to swim, you swim"

[TrueFaith]

Your point is childish Nadia just like your coments

Your in the red most people disagrees with you

Take the hint and just leave it.

[talaniman]

God, the men are so bitter against women, I guess they should try to be gay, if you still think this arrangement is fair you are all callous.

I agree this is not a fair relationship, she can't afford it, so why is she staying??

[Greg Quinn]

Well this one has certainly struck a lot of nerves with a lot of people! Not even 48 hours old and already over 100 responses - that's got to be a near-record. After re-reading the original post and reading all of the responses posted on this thread (not to mention all the greenies and reddies!), my impression, and this is only my impression, is that the OP has an entitlement mentality. It has little to do with gender as there are plenty of both men and women in this world with such a mindset. She seems to feel that, because his income is more than 3 times what hers is, that he should pull more of the weight than she should. Well that's just a big crock, sorry to say. All she does is complain ; nowhere does she mention anything about re-negotiating the arrangement or finding some other alternative solution to what she perceives to be the problem at hand. I and several other posters have mentioned that she's free to move out but notice that she apparently isn't interested in doing that ; if she did, then she'd have to pay all of her own living expenses. To me it almost sounds like she's the one trying to take advantage of him. She doesn't want to live on her own, i.e. pay her own way 100%, so she latches onto some well-off guy with he hope that he'll carry the majority of the weight. When he doesn't let her take advantage of him, he gets painted as "cheap" and some have even labeled him a "con artist." Well, if anything, I think she's the one doing the "conning" here.

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Yeah, her $50.00 leftovers at the end of every month are proof that she is a real true con artist. And there I was thinking she was a little unsure of her scenario and coming here for some insight before she made a decision as to what she was going to do about her situation. That little devil!! How could I have been so blind? NOTE-- This was to be read as pure sarcasm

[ISneezeFunny]

God, the men are so bitter against women, I guess they should try to be gay, if you still think this arrangement is fair you are all callous. I would say the same if they were gay couple.
I will give you an example hope you find the similarity because you all say it is her choice, if someone is sick with a cold and wants to swim and you love this individual and even sleep with this individual, would you let them? it is their choice to swim but because you care you wouldn't or at least say to this person "you can not afford the consequences so it is better till you can afford to swim, you swim"

... what..

Someone's sick... they want to swim... yeah I'd let them. I'd advise, "You shouldn't swim..." but in the end, if they really want to, they'll swim... and they'll probably get sicker. The "sick" person, if I'm dating them, is not a child. She is an adult... she can do whatever she wants to.

And by the way, this woman's not "sick"... she's able to afford the rent. She has a choice to be able to move out or renegotiate or even get a higher paying job. A better example is her being sick, then swimming, and then complaining that her boyfriend should have told her not to swim.

... and the gay comment? What? What're you saying? Do you review your own comments? Really, get someone to proofread your comments. If they ever say, "what are you trying to say here?"... think about it again... come back with a different comment.

... also, I really REALLY must ask again. How old are you?

[nadia999]

Well, I guess my example is very clear and why do you ask me about my age, I should ask you about your age for your limited understanding of ones' point which is very clear.
What I said was very clear, 98% of the men in the post seem bitter about the women, you sided with the man which is very clear he does not give a fig about how she feels or what's fair, so when I said if you were gay, who are going to side with?
And what do you mean it is her choice? You have no stance whatsoever, are you going to let the people you care about fall in mistakes without saying anything? Still negative people like won't change any thing around them if it wrong. So your saying if someone is willing to die for you, you will let them die, and you will say , oh this person is an adult and this is what they want to do, what about you and where is your conscience?
And Bizygurl, money is # one cause of divorce.

[TrueFaith]

Ok nadia has gone GAGA.

All us boys should stop talking to this person right now
As she is starting to scare me.

Die for you?? I'm not english and I don't write very well in it. But wow I really can't understand a word you are saying

Your examples are so far out there, they should be on the moon.

I'm sorry you view life this way.

[Alty]

Ok nadia has gone GAGA.

All us boys should stop talking to this person right now
as she is starting to scare me.

Die for you??. im not english and i dont write very well in it. but wow i really can't understand a word you are saying

Your examples are so far out there, they should be on the moon.

im sorry you view life this way.

How dare you? You have no right to try to black list Nadia by telling people to stop talking to her. Don't presume that all the "boys" agree with you.

Boys, we haven't always agreed, but I think I've made it clear that even though I don't always agree with you I do respect your right to have an opinion and voice it and be heard(even you TrueFaith;), but why are some of you being so nasty? We are all adults, this issue is not life or death, the person who started this post doesn't even care enough about our opinions to read them. Can't we all just try and get along.:)

[nadia999]

Well, Truefaith , when you have a stance on a specific issue you look at the extreme to see if your opinion is right or wrong, and for you to talk about me like that is just immature, stop the personal attack it just shows immaturity, and what do you mean I am scaring you? And "people don't talk this person" god, how weak and cheap attack.
I will give a little advice to make you seem sophisticated and smart when you are in discussion, never personal attack the individual you are debating with, if you disagree, disagree. If you don't like it, keep your cool, people disagree all the time because personal attacks shows weakness and it has nothing to do with the topic.
You can say I am crazy feminist or any thing has to do with the topic but that? Is just childish