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Why can't I get over him.it?
So here's the deal. I got married in the spring at 7 months pregnant. My husband and I met in high school, I was totally smitten. He was the most , interesting guy I had ever met. When he left for college and met a someone I was heartbroken.. but at 17 you deal. Over the years we stayed in touch and always had an almost tangible chemistry. At 19 I moved out west and met the love of my life. He was from my hometown, 5 years older than me, beautiful, and wealthy. He was my first love.. I was unjaded, naïve, and was overwhelmed with how amazing love was. I felt a connection with him that any 1st time love should have. We dated and eventually lived together but lacked a true commitment. In other word, he never proposed. I was young and wasn't ready for marriage but the expection was eventually we would. After 4 years together he had a major accident which changed our entire reality overnight. I stayed with him through all of that but his mother almost blamed me which inturn ostracized me from much of his family. It was really out of control. Most embrace those around them during tragedy but she blamed me and I had nothing to do with his accident... it was crazy. He was a always a mamas boy and betrayed me by choosing her over me. Eventually I moved back home to finish school with the intention he who follow me. We continued to date long distance for years and eventually I ended it. I always regretted it even though in hind sight it was the best thing for me. We both got on with things, he began dating and soon our contact became a major problem for his new girlfriend. Which is totally reasonable. For whatever reason I just could'nt really let go.. I continued to contact him until I realized I didn't want to be that stalker ex I was becoming. So I let it go but in my head I never let him go. I decided to get on with my life and I did. Last year I reunited with my husband after 5 years, we lived in different places, met up in the middle and fell in love again. I still had that itch from my ex in the back of my head but I felt like if I jumped in with 2 feet I'd get over it. So here we are... married beautiful baby, new life and I'm still having freaking dream about my ex. Over the weekend I heard he was getting married. Why am I still so screwed up about it? It just seems so ridiculous and unfair to my husband. Why doesn't this ever go away? Help me!
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