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Laneysp · Jan 13, 2006, 11:20 AM

I am trying desperately to break up with someone who was living with me and not paying bills. He was hired as temporary/part time for my company as one of my assistants to try to make some money. It was an at-will employment status, which means I can get rid of him whenever I choose. He is now threstening to go to my Human Resources and saying that I fired him because of personal issues and is threatening lawsuits. He is making my life miserable. All phones have to be turned off because he calls day and night-my 9 year old son is now afraid of him. He will not cease. How do I go about saving my sanity and my job and my life? This has been going on for almost 5 years-whenever I try to kick him out, he threatens me constantly that I have to take him back. I am trying to be strong. What should I do and where should I go.

ScottGem · Jan 13, 2006, 02:22 PM

You need to immediately bring this to the attention of your local police. You should probably go to your HR dept as well.

A lot of places have passed anti-stalking laws.

nwsflash · Jan 13, 2006, 02:26 PM

Scott is right you need to speak to the local police urgent and make them aware of everything!

Laneysp · Jan 13, 2006, 02:41 PM

I went to the local police and they won't do anything unless he threatens to harm me physically. I did talk to my human resources. They won't even speak with him. He is an at-will employee and they said he is done when I say he is done. He affects so many parts of my life. The police said I should get a restraining order, but this is costly-this man owes me lots of money-and takes a lot of time. Then he has to be around for them to prove that he broke the restraining order. I spoke with another woman who went through this and she said the restraining order took months to harm this person. I'm very fed uip with our system.

CaptainForest · Jan 13, 2006, 03:37 PM

There is this service, for $5 a month, you can block up to 12 different phone numbers. Get this service. Block all his numbers.

Why is your son afraid of him? Did he threaten your son?

Get the restraining order. If he calls you, that is easy to prove and you can get his sorry behind in jail.

I would wait till you got the restraining order before firing him, but if you can't take him at work and he is a bad employee, then fire him now.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 13, 2006, 07:54 PM

Call the police, get a police report ( even if they can't do a lot at this point)

Start recording phone calls if needed, and continue to call the police.

Consider changing your phone number.

** Next you will have to be careful in firing someone you have been romantic with, since it can give the appearance. ( best thing don't work with people you sleep with)

So get the HR to do all the investigation of any bad work habits, and don't fire him without cause, even if you are allowed to.

Laneysp · Jan 13, 2006, 08:25 PM

Captain forest said I can get service to block phone numbers-can this be done for cell phones as well. What's the service? Do I just call my phone company? I Think this is a good way to go. No he never threatened my son-my son is just sick and scared of all the fighting-and this guy is really bossy. My son is a really gentle soul. Kind and loving and hates to see his mom hurting and crying. Wants it to end now.

Wayne-1 · Jan 13, 2006, 08:41 PM

If the police won't do anything unless you are threatened you have to be able to explain why you feel threatened by this person. You should also research if there nare stalking laws in your state. You have to be persistent with the police without getting them mad at you. You should start making your own records of all phone calls and contacts that you believe is of a negative nature. List date ,times,anyone that would be a witness and what was said. Good luck. Don't give up.

cdh · Jan 13, 2006, 10:05 PM

I agree with everyone else. The key will be good documentation both officially through police reports and unofficially through personal documentation. Record phone calls, make records of dates and times of harassing or thretening behavior. Wear a voice activated digital recorder so that you will real proof. They are small and can be worn discreetly under your clothes. Some can record up to 8 hours you can download the digital recordings onto your computer. Stalking laws generally require you to build your own case.

Good luck and be careful.

PrettyLady · Jan 14, 2006, 02:17 AM

Originally Posted by Laneysp

Captain forest said I can get service to block phone numbers-can this be done for cell phones as well. What's the service? Do I just call my phone company? I Think this is a good way to go. No he never threatened my son-my son is just sick and scared of all the fighting-and this guy is really bossy. My son is a really gentle soul. Kind and loving and hates to see his mom hurting and crying. Wants it to end now.

I'm having problems with guys calling my cell phone and leaving messages on my voice mail, and I have no idea how they got my number. I've been trying to block them, but I don't know what to do, so I plan to call my cell phone provider to help me resolve this matter. Laney, I think you should call your cell phone provider and get your number changed, or ask them to tell you how to block him from calling you. You can also do the same for your house phone.

ScottGem · Jan 14, 2006, 04:30 AM

Talk to the police again. Go to the District Attorney's office if they won't do anything. Go to county authorities if the locals won't do anything.

If the story you are telling is true then the police should do something. They can help you get a restraining order. They can refer you to other resources, women's shelters, support groups, etc.

Blocking your phone, while an option, will probably only anger him further.

fredg · Jan 14, 2006, 05:07 AM

Hi, laney,
I am so sorry to read about this. I am not a lawyer, or a Professional in this area.
However, in most cases, you are absolutely right about the Police. They cannot do anything unless you are physically abused by this man. It's unfortunate, but it's the law. Cases such as this have been seen on Dr. Phil, Montel, different TV shows, with full explanations and follow-ups.
First, I would fire the man, and get rid of him, in the workplace. Even though he owes you money, forget about it, and fire him. At any rate, you will probably never see the money from him. Firing him is the first step, because you do NOT want anything to do with this man.
Next, take out the "restraining order". The longer you wait, the longer it will take for the system to work.
Yes, the restraining order does not mean you will have 24 hrs a day police protection. It does mean you will have legal grounds to follow through with it.
Others have given you good suggestions as to the telephone usuage.
Another legal route is the "peace bond", which you can talk with the Magistrate, if you have one, or the Police, which limits the distance he can be from you.
I do wish you the very best of luck, and please get the restraining order.

mr.yet · Jan 14, 2006, 05:13 AM

Keep a camera and a small tape recorder with you, if calls again them him it being recorded and use camera to show he is around, picture worth a thousand words. Report it all to the police.

Just a suggestion.

bizygurl · Jan 14, 2006, 05:40 AM

I agree with Pretty, Defenitly have your phone numbers changed on your cell and home phone.

Don't give up hope. I know the justice system is backwards. But there is always something to be done about slime balls like this guy. Unfortunately it will probably force you to do more of the work than the actual police. Like someone said: You have to build up this case yourself in these situations:
That's the justice system for you.

But like evry one said, right down every encounter, any harassing phone call, even if he follows you around the grocery store. Write the time. Date, and what transpired. Or record them if possible.

When you get enough incidents with this guy down on paper or tape. Show them to your police dept. and then the police will know that there is a recorded stalking pattern emerging. Its usually then they will start taking the situation more seriously. You have to prove this guy is harassing you unfortunately.

I would file a police report anyway if you haven't done so. So at least there will be a record on file at the police department. You can do that. A few years ago an employee where I had worked started sending me harassing letters in the mail. To make a long story short, this woman wanted my husband after only seeing him a few times.(my husband wasn't even attracted to her) and at work she would say things like "you know I could get your husband, You know he would sleep with me, why would he want to be with a dog like you when he could be with a real woman etc." ) :mad:

The woman was a complete phsyco. It was so bad, that I had to go to my boss. And of course there was a huge meeting and she denied everything and chalked it up as I was jealous of her and I couldn't deal with it. Anyway since I had no proof that she saidd these things to me due to the fact they were said when no one was around, my boss couldn't do a thing. I ended up quitting because it only got worse from there. Two months later she still didn't stop, and started sending me harassing letters in the mail, not threatening bodily harm but saying "Im going to tell your husband that you cheated on him with someone here and Ill make sure I ruin your marrige" Crazy stuff that wasn't true. :(

But I had had enough and went to my police dept. they couldn't arrest her but I was able to have a police report taken out on her. And the police department made her come down to the station, where they verbally warned her that if the harassing doesn't stop then I could have her arrested. I never heard from her again.:) SO enough of my babbling, taking a police report out on this guy would be your best bet, at least there is some documentation that this guy is at least a "potential" threat to you. Good luck, let us know what happens.

s_cianci · Jan 15, 2006, 06:57 PM

Is he still working for you? If so, then fire him immediately. He has been harassing you and that is perfectly legitimate reason enough to legally terminate him, "personal issues" that he's accused you of notwithstanding. Have you taken any actual legal action against him such as getting a restraining order? If not, do so immediately. You say that this has been going on for 5 years ; that is entirely too long. Anytime he threatens or harasses you. Call the police and have him arrested. Be sure to get copies of all police reports. Then follow through with the appropriate criminal charges. You need to create a paper trail that concretely outlines this man's patterns of harassing behavior. That is how you'll get criminal charges to stick to the point where he eventually ends up incarcerated for an extended period. Once that happens, I'd consider relocating to a different area so that he cannot find you when he gets out. Do you have any friends or relatives that live in a different area that could possibly help you secure housing and employment? That's probably your best option in the long run.

PDXUSA · Jun 19, 2007, 10:53 PM

Originally Posted by Laneysp

I am trying desperately to break up with someone who was living with me and not paying bills. He was hired as temporary/part time for my company as one of my assistants to try to make some money. It was an at-will employment status, which means I can get rid of him whenever I choose. He is now threstening to go to my Human Resources and saying that I fired him because of personal issues and is threatening lawsuits. He is making my life miserable. All phones have to be turned off because he calls day and night-my 9 year old son is now afraid of him. He will not cease. How do I go about saving my sanity and my job and my life? This has been going on for almost 5 years-whenever I try to kick him out, he threatens me constantly that I have to take him back. I am trying to be strong. What should I do and where should I go.

PDXUSA can identify all telemarketers and harassing calls by ANI and passes to it's customers. ANI is also known as the billing telephone number, or the main number of the calling organization, not the number they are sending you.. if that's even their real number!

Guaranteed Caller I.D. from PDX USA

This is a start to solving your problem. I would also suggest a restraining order and calling the police to have him removed. Promptly change the locks and all internet passwords. Let me know if there;s anything else I could help with or suggest.

-Steve