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lorea · Jan 22, 2008, 10:36 PM

My husband is very found of chess palying. In the night I call him for sleep but he never come and continue to play chess. I feel bad when he comes , he always ask about sex. If I deny, he get annoyed with me. I feel I have lost myself respect, I want myself to be respected by him. But how? He always do the things which he likes, not me.He will love me when he wants, not when I need it.

EuRa · Jan 22, 2008, 10:48 PM

Perhaps you are making him your entire life. I think he needs a little breathing room. Do you have hobbies of your own? A job? Friends you can see? If he's suffocating, or if he has the feeling that you need him to make you happy, then he would act the way he's acting.

You need to do your own thing. Or also become more involved in what he's doing. If he likes to play chess, for example, maybe you should learn how to play (ON YOUR OWN) and play him damnit! Once you beat him at his own game, he'll play some of yours. ;)

Delow84 · Jan 22, 2008, 10:59 PM

I agree with eura, but then most importantly TALK to him, tell him how you are feeling... I was on his side in my last relationship, I focused WAY too much on the things I wanted to do. Had my ex only tried talking to me sincerely and calmly... who knows.

Communication.

EuRa · Jan 22, 2008, 11:06 PM

Originally Posted by Delow84

I agree with eura, but then most importantly TALK to him, tell him how you are feeling.... I was on his side in my last relationship, I focused WAY to much on the things I wanted to do. Had my ex only tried talking to me sincerely and calmly.... who knows.

Communication.

I disagree, only because to me it sounded like she already tried talking to him and telling him how she feels and what she wants, and he isn't being responsive. And if she does try telling him, that'll only push him away. Men and women are different and would act differently in this scenario. You may have been in his position before, but so have I. Suggesting what you said would only push me away. Doing what I suggested would bring me closer.

I agree with communication, but I don't think she's lacking it, I think he is. If she branches out and becomes her own person for a while, I think he'll feel a little more free, and a little more relaxed. They both would, actually. And in time, he'll be ready to open up. It's hard to share and talk about things when you feel you never get any time alone to really think about things.

lorea · Jan 23, 2008, 03:38 AM

Originally Posted by EuRa

Perhaps you are making him your entire life. I think he needs a little breathing room. Do you have hobbies of your own? A job? Friends you can see? If he's suffocating, or if he has the feeling that you need him to make you happy, then he would act the way he's acting.

You need to do your own thing. Or also become more involved in what he's doing. If he likes to play chess, for example, maybe you should learn how to play (ON YOUR OWN) and play him damnit! Once you beat him at his own game, he'll play some of yours. ;)

RE: I played chess with him so many times but he want me to sleep on time and he want to play for the whole night. I acompany him in playing chess till 2-3hrs. But when I asked him to go to bed he will say , you go and I will come. What's the fun yar? If I am acompanying him in his hobbies then he should come with me. He never played that game which I like. I have to watch TV according to him, I can not see my own channel. Y ? I leave him alone on computer so many times to play chess but he will not come soon. He never miss me. And I miss him all the times.

EuRa · Jan 23, 2008, 09:13 AM

OK so you have played chess against him. Other than that, do you have your own hobbies? Stuff you can do without his approval? Do you just get your jacket and your purse and say "im going out for a while" and leave? You should. If he asks where you are going, just tell him "shopping" and that's it.

It almost sounds like he has control over you, which is unhealthy. That could be a big reason why you're having problems.

talaniman · Jan 24, 2008, 01:22 PM

You need a life that makes you happy with out him. Your dependence on him to make you happy has you coming off as needy, and insecure. Be as willing to please yourself as you are him. When he can't meet your expectations, you resent him. Back off and make yourself happy, and he may want to share it with you, and not the computer.